Are we justified in treating our coworker this way?

lanky32 · 2016-08-08T09:38:35+00:00

Nope you are not justified, you are treating a person like shit because she has low sexual value and is too eager, she is acting like a beta male. Women treat beta males like shit. Your entire group is treating her like shit. You would not have left her if she were a HB9.

If this female in question was a bitch, if she talked bad about people in the group, then you would have been right to cut her off.

She isn't doing any of that shit, so what if she does not know how to use Google Maps, so what if she is a little clumsy.

Your group is acting like bitchy women, the ones we rave and rant about here.

Not right.

If I were you, I would definitely accord her a basic level of respect and courtesy.

[deleted] · 2016-08-08T07:31:48+00:00

No one here can answer this for you. You need to decide whether or not you're trying to get into heaven. If not, would helping her benefit you in any way? My guess is probably not. But sometimes people have weird networking connections that you wouldn't spot on the surface level. Why don't you try hanging out with her one night and really digging deep? If she seems worthless, just passively be nice to her but don't go out of your way.

BigBlackChad · 2016-08-08T13:51:03+00:00

Lls you and your work friends are losers. Treating someone like they are beneath you just because she is ugly isn't cool. What you described is what women do to men and other women. A man would be polite especially to a colleague that could benefit him in the future. Her actions are only amplified because of her looks , like someone else said if she was an HB9 you wouldn't act like that. She probably responds eagerly because she feels like an outsider and wants to be apart of the group. Outcasting people is really weird especially for what you described . If she is mean, rude, a feminist you would be justified but you didn't say that so I'm going to go with the assumption that she is ugly and no one wants to be around her. Ugly women are nice usually. They have to try harder. And are more willing to help.

Also if I were you I would try to find different people to hang out with. You already said that they have a high school mindset (you also do yourself ) and also it's not good to get intertangled with coworkers. A few beers , a pub trip is cool. But if these people actually become your good friends and something goes south (which it has by group isolation already , very childish) you will be fucked(especially if you become intertwined, fuck each other, share secrets which you will ) , and still have to see them everyday

beginner_ · 2016-08-08T09:10:28+00:00

As other have said: up to your own moral code.

We always have to spoonfeed her information such as the address of the bar we go to because she has no sense of direction and doesn't know how to use Google Maps properly. It got to the point where we had to stop posting events in the GroupMe because we either don't want her to show up or have to deal with giving her information she can easily find herself.

maybe tell her directly: "Go look it up yourself like we all do." And stop giving out the information afterwards. ot your problem she is stupid or doesn't care enough to but in some minimal work.

Unrelated to question: I would avoid making co-workers my main friends-circle.

RedAsBlood · 2016-08-09T04:24:21+00:00

I wouldn't personally be a dick to her. I would be pleasant and respectful, just wouldn't go out of my way for her.

However, I would not white knight for her around the rest of the group. Its not worth losing social standing / power.

One of the 48 laws of power is to avoid the unlucky and unfortunate as they can drag you down.

But I wouldn't personally be mean or disrespectful towards her.

Ultimately, I think it pays to be pragmatic in these situations. Socially awkward people will be ostracized despite what you do. Don't let them drag you down.

EDDbDG · 2016-08-08T11:20:44+00:00

You don't have to pretend like you want her in your events. But obviously she is unpleasant to be around, disregarding her looks, so tell her why she isn't invited to these events. Maybe she'll understand and either try to be a less unpleasant person or just give up.

woefulwank · 2016-08-08T11:59:04+00:00

You have some internalisation of what is happening and sound conflicted so it clearly isn't aligning with your own moral judgement.

Its-a-TRP · 2016-08-08T14:50:38+00:00

Don't enable bad behavior, but also don't be a dick.

I'd stop giving her info she can find herself, for example, but if she's part of the group, don't leave her either. Women gossip at work, and you'd much rather any female superiors think of you as the super nice guy who stood up for the fatty rather than part of the "group of assholes that left her behind."

TankVet · 2016-08-08T17:20:59+00:00

Excluding her is wrong. Not waiting for her is not. Treating her badly is wrong. Not accommodating her is okay.

You can do your thing and still be kind to her. I wouldn't do much else than post the date and time and location in a group and leave it alone. She's a grown up, finding the place and a way to get there ain't your problem.

SnugglySadist · 2016-08-08T07:26:31+00:00

Justified implies there is a moral obligation of some sort. This is an ambiguous moral question and cannot be answered by TRP as TRP is amoral. The TRP behavior would be to give up on her and not look back. Your personal ethics are what make you not want to do it.

Title	Are we justified in treating our coworker this way?
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	3
Comments	12
Date	August 8, 2016 6:41 AM UTC (9 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/4woukm/are_we_justified_in_treating_our_coworker_this_way/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/are-we-justified-in-treating-our-coworker-this-way.172970 https://theredarchive.com/post/172970

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