Divorcing with a kid

Stayinghereforreal · 2015-01-25T18:13:04+00:00

but I do want to eventually provide my son with a family environment he can be comfortable in.

No. Your focus should be on giving your son a role model of a man who is in control of his life, and provides him a stable home. That means your money situation is under control--you have steady income, pay bills, and live within your means. That means you do NOT introduce him to any slags you may be plating. Women who are coming and going in your life never meet your son. If women you are "dating" challenge you, or inquire about why they have not met your son, you simply say, "my son is my son. I don't discuss him with others except upon my terms." And then say nothing more about it. Never explain yourself.

You are just not going to expose him to the various gals who come and go, because it will make him feel less settled if he is meeting a new Jane, Sue, Beatty ,Dakota, etc. every few months.

If, by some chance, you find an exceptionally high value gal, and you have established a serious long term commitment, and she is someone you think you son might connect with, only then would you introduce her to your son. And don't do it as a "now you two are friends!" way. Instead, let it either organically grow into a true relationship where they like each other, or just let it go.

If they don't get along, don't force it. Never, ever put him in a subordinate place to her (helloooooooo the worst part of blue pill: choosing some gal over your son. Gack.) Just accept that not every person in your life is going to love, love, love your new gal, and that is okay.

If you date single moms, be very wary of them trying to recreate a nuclear family fast; they need a man too much at that point, and it is likely money or help with her kids she is looking for. Your son is much more likely to be contemptuous of you if you suddenly try to be Insta-Dad to some new crew, and drag him along for the ride. Don't do this.

Your priority is your son, not your next slam piece. Don't get a bad case of oneitis and end up thinking you can give your son a new family. He has one. You. Include others in it slowly, with caution, and only if they demonstrate value over time.

secret_barber · 2015-01-25T17:05:20+00:00

Avoid all opportunities to commit for (at least) 6 months to a year.

Check out this LTR Checklist.

long-lostfriend · 2015-01-26T05:34:37+00:00

My post-marriage dating advice got astronomically better when I realized that I was dating women with the same shitty traits that my ex has. I guess I was going for what was familiar to me.

Along with swallowing the RP, consciously deciding to date women who were the polar opposite of my ex (personality-wise) turned things around for me.

Title	Divorcing with a kid
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	5
Comments	10
Date	January 25, 2015 3:57 PM UTC (11 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/2tmd6y/divorcing_with_a_kid/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/divorcing-with-a-kid.192322 https://theredarchive.com/post/192322

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