TLDR: Still really attached to an ex before she drastically changed, entirely over and thoroughly dislike who she is/became

We met when we were 14, both artsy weird kids. We both painted, drew, kept journals, and played guitar. Instantly fell "in love" which progressed more as the years went by. Fast forward to age 19, we both get our own places (not together) I, with my best friend, and her with her sister. Her sister was almost never home spending time with her boyfriend so we spent most of our time at her place. I worked later than her so when I'd come by after work she'd be making us dinner. After that, we'd smoke some weed, have awesome sex, and after that we'd work on our pieces or just jam together with another break for sex somewhere in the middle.

This basically continued for the next 3 years perfectly. We wrote, we played, we painted, we fucked. We got better at all of them. Then slowly over the next year (started when we were 22) she started giving up the hobbies one by one. First it was weed which was not a big deal, and shortly after the painting (so she could focus on music), then the music (so she could focus on writing), and then that too, because she was tired of it. This was alien to me, since I knew her the art was important, but her journal was her life, she'd been keeping once since she was 7-8 and to drop it was just weird as fuck. It always started a fight when I'd mention it.

There were plenty of other fights too. She was always fashionable, but got really into fashion, wasting hundreds of dollars on designer clothes/accessories. She quit her job to do office work for a factory to make more money but it ate into her time considerably. In the end she just became a completely different person. She gave up everything that made her unique and traded it for a handbag. It's almost as if she hit the wall at 22/23. We took a break which led to the breakup. She winds up with a boring factory worker, spits out a kid, and becomes a stay at home mom. I despise what she became. I cared less and less about that over time and got over her completely within about a year. And the hatred I felt for the new her fizzled out into just dislike, and even that has just been fading into nothing.

My problem, I haven't found anyone that's come close to what she was before. I've waded through a sea of one night stands, fuck buddies, multiple 'plates' at a time, LTRs, and have found that generally most (basically all) women are boring, petty, catty, and unimaginative. I don't even really have a specific question, I just don't know what to do. I've spent several years going through woman after woman and feel only more empty as I go. As a closing thought, I know I rambled a bit but this isn't an all consuming problem in my life, I am working on grad school, am generally happy and do enjoy my life, I'm just missing that last piece if that makes any sense at all. Also, I came to you guys to ask because I've been reading through the top posts off and on for the past 6 months, I was raised with TRP values (obviously never directly called that) and I feel you guys can give me some no bullshit insight I'm missing.