(GBG Book Club) The Surrendered Wife: Respect the Man You Married by Listening to Him

meowfacenator · 2014-01-20T16:45:15+00:00

Personally my husband would be really annoyed with me if we went that far the wrong way and I didn't let him know. Doesn't really fit with the whole 'captain and first mate' philosophy. I definitely think the other sentiments ring true however. That being said I have the worst sense of direction so the likelihood of the scenario happening in real life is pretty much zero

mrsAT · 2014-01-21T00:03:19+00:00

My H has a Garman. Doesn't need directions.

J2xm · 2014-01-20T15:36:19+00:00

As a man, I am relieved to read this. Thanks for the post:-)

margerym · 2014-01-20T16:20:35+00:00

I know that a lot of people (myself included at first) get hung up on or at least are like "I'm sorry, what now?" about this quote:

Respect means when he takes the wrong freeway exit you don’t correct him by telling him where to turn. It means that if he keeps going in the wrong direction you will go past the state line and still not correct what he is doing. In fact, no matter what your husband does, you will not try to teach, improve, or correct him.

That is the essence of a surrendered wife. (pg. 35)

I am c&ping my take on it from the comment section at GBG here:

What I had originally typed in the post was “show of hands as to how many husbands would actually do this, actually go the wrong way long enough to go across the state line and then some before noticing?” It’s clear to me that she is using an extreme example to make her point. Chances are we didn’t marry men that need our constant correction. Chances are we married men that know where they are going and won’t end up taking us to Canada (or to the US for our Canadian friends).

A part of me thinks as I certainly can’t speak for her that she brought this up where she did because she knew we’d push back “but but, he’s crossing the state line!” in the chapter she brings up that we think our husbands are incapable when they are just fine on their own (she uses the example of how well they do at work while we’re not there to “help” them). Not only are our husbands more than likely capable of not driving us a few hundred miles before realizing he made a wrong turn on our way to church but he is also capable of saying “Dear, which street do I turn on again?” I know that when we are heading someplace new I am immediately the co-pilot as is his order by handing me the map. Just a few weeks ago he had forgotten which road to take after getting off the highway to visit grandma. So he asked.

I think, in general, the point she was making is that when we stop correcting we realize we don’t actually have to correct as often as we think we do.

But I also see what you are saying. I think this process might be two-fold: 1) when we stop constantly correcting he won’t have his defenses up. In the chapter she talks about how constantly disrespecting our husbands is like poking them over and over with a little pin. When you do they to someone they will react with anger and frustration. But when we have intimacy and trust our husbands will be more likely to not being angry or frustrated when we say something but rather have a heightened attention for it. 2) After we have established that as long as we come to them in a place of humility it less correcting and more asking for guidance and reassurance. “Where were we headed to, again?” My husband knows I get really nervous in the car in general so all I have to say is “I feel like I’ve lost my bearings, where are we headed?” When we turn it on us, because it is actually our issue, it isn’t about correcting them as much as it is about our needing reassurance from them. In this we are being a bit more honest about ourselves and the situation.

Once I did that because he had said we were going to the town over to go out to eat as a family but he just kept driving. I shifted in my seat and fiddled with my hands but I didn’t say anything because I wanted to trust what he was doing.

“You nervous?” he asked me. I laughed. “Are you going to ask me where we are going?” “Do you want me to ask you where we are going?” He then reached in his pocket, handed me a wad of cash, and told me he was dropping me off at a shopping center to get myself something nice.

Not to say I have never nor do I ever jump to correct him. I do and in the car is the worse because, as I said, I am a nervous passenger. But it was amazing to me to see and still is how unlikely he is to actually need my correction.

I am not saying here "no, really, it's okay to correct" but rather that once we stop correcting not only do we learn a lesson but he does, too.

little_red_ · 2014-01-20T16:09:50+00:00

I've just read chapter one and I can't wait to grab the book. A few sentences look like they were taken straight from a few of my own thoughts. I am currently in a very happy relationship and want to keep it that way - looking forward to some discussion about this book ^{_^}

[deleted] · 2014-01-20T19:31:20+00:00

You may enjoy this book as well, see the video interview at the bottom of the page:

My So-Called Life as a Submissive Wife

Title	(GBG Book Club) The Surrendered Wife: Respect the Man You Married by Listening to Him
Author	margerym
Upvotes	11
Comments	12
Date	January 20, 2014 2:57 PM UTC (12 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/1voa40/gbg_book_club_the_surrendered_wife_respect_the/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/gbg-book-club-the-surrendered-wife-respect-the-man.197209 https://theredarchive.com/post/197209

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