I thought I’d write a quick field report to remind the noobs, it doesn’t get easier; you just get better.

We went out the other night with a couple that we hang out with a lot. She and my wife are pretty close, him and I are good friends. It was a good time with a mixed crowd of people; three married couples, one single guy, and a married woman. We had a great time, my buddy got pretty tanked, and let loose. I drank quite a few and had myself a grand old time (In particular I did a good job of flirting with the married girl whose hubby was home watching kido). I laughed, was pretty outrageous, and teased my wife ruthlessly. Good times.

The end of the night winds down, and I’m feeling rough. I thought I had a bad cough/sinus infection, but three hours of testing the next day would prove I had pneumonia. I literally couldn’t talk anymore, and the poor breathing has been affecting my sleep capacity. I was shot. The other couple got up and left, the married girl had gone. The end was near.

So I told my wife, “I’m shot. I need to go.”

We were standing outside waiting for people to come and like I said I was done. So I walked back to the car, got in and waited for them in the comfort of my own seat. We rode home, she drove, it was nice and quiet. I went to bed and didn’t even try to make it out of the room until 9am (late for me).

She went from cheery to downright sullen in all of two sips of my coffee. I didn’t even get a chance to sit down and she started into me, “Why do you always have to be that way?”

Dafuq?

“You got to tired and too drunk so you wanted to leave. Even at the worst of my Chemo I never made you leave anywhere!”

“What are you talking about?” I seriously had no idea what she was talking about. I have NEVER been one to leave a party early, especially when I’m drinking, I’m usually the one that’s like ‘It’s only 2 am let’s go to a diner!’

The irony of women is that we tell Noob Bluepillers not to commit covert contracts, yet women use them almost as a daily construct of life. In her feelz brain she had acted a martyr; never spoke in the past, put in more than should could give and now she thought I owed her the favor in return. She was mad at me for not being able to cash in on this chit, because I actually stated what I fucking needed.

She should have known better than to poke a bear who hadn’t had all his coffee yet. I was mean. I had no tolerance for this bullshit. So I shot back at her before she could finish, “So you were stupid and never asked for help when you were sick, then again last night you don’t talk to me about what you wanted to do, and now your mad, all because I asked to leave”

She saw her strategic mistake and tried to salvage it. She threw one more bomb out and tried to make me duck, “I didn’t want you to make a scene”

So for those of you that missed it, she didn’t want to leave early (it was actually late) but it was all my fault because I said something, then when I rolled it back for her, she still tried to make it my fault, by saying I might have would have could have made a stinky poo. So at no point does she ever think that maybe she was upset because, she was just being a selfish bitch?

“Babe, if you want to discuss things like adults, I will always be cordial.”

In her brain she was right and ready for bear, but I wouldn’t have any of it. 10 years ago, I would have cowered and told her some inane shit like “let’s figure out a way we can signal each other to leave a party”, now I saw it coming a mile away (Or worse, launched into full-fledged DEER). The thing is it doesn’t stop. Just because I’ve gotten all verbal Jiu Jitsu on her doesn’t mean she won’t fight or instigate anymore. She can’t help it, because it’s in her nature, her basic operational principle of ‘feelz’ first. She was genuinely feeling wronged in the morning, and knowing her she went to sleep mad to let it fester overnight.

In the end I was an oak (or bear if you will) to her emotions. I didn’t let her feelings of being wronged make me feel guilty for her poor communication skills. Recently in another thread someone posted a reference to one of the phrases I repeat often, ‘Her feelings are hers, let her deal with them.’ This is exactly the situation I speak of when I repeat this. She was feeling wronged, she wanted me to feel guilty for past and present transgressions, but I put it directly back at her, told her to own that shit and talk to me like an adult when she’s ready. If I hadn’t recognized that her feelings were hers, I might not have seen the grenades coming. But since she was not on the pedestal, I saw them for what they were and quickly diffused the situation.

Ten minutes later she was asking me silly questions like nothing ever happened (another fine capacity of a woman). Rinse, repeat. Like I said, it never stops.