(newbies feel free to read through this stuff and apply it If you think it's right for you. But I'd advise sticking to the sidebar material and using this only if you're stuck on deeper more internal things. If you're more surface level just stick to that basics. Lift, find your own value by doing what you want, don't bicker with your wife and just generally shut up and live. This is more for the vets and I hope they point out any holes in this so I can refine the ideas)

Being humble and self aware is not the same thing as being an insecure loser. There is strength in humility that can't be found in all the "motivation" in the world. Being humble with YOURSELF is the key, NOT saying "my wife is better then me and I deserve a sexless miserable relationship." and settling for that. Being humble with YOURSELF involves stepping into your true self so you are no longer trying to look past your ego to see uncomfortable truths about yourself so you can get at the root of them. Your ego is trying to protect you from being disappointed with yourself and lies about reality, often leaving you blind to the source of a problem you just can't work out.

The ego will always sabotage you, it wants to find the shortest easiest path to the objective and will tell you mission accomplished sometimes even if you haven't even conceptualized the problem. Your true value comes from your true internal self, the one with no shame, anxiety, or other hangups. Your true self is the part that gives absolutely no fucks and is generally at peace in any situation. Your true self can battle through difficult situations without breaking a sweat because it is so genuine that it faces everything with a contented attitude. Anger leads to decisive action instead of resentment and bitterness. Sorrow causes your true self to look inward and address the source of it, bring it out into the light and deal with it. The true self isn't a feel good illusion, it is who you actually are.

You cannot look at and deal with the things that are shameful and cover the true self unless you embrace humility as a practice. Humility with yourself, not everyone around you. Don't be a push over, be your true self. This is a hard truth to face. It involves battling your own ego to master your own self.

He who controls others is powerful, but he who has mastered himself is mightier still. -Lao Tzu

The whole point of this post is that even after you address the generalized wrongs of how you operate, there is a deeper path of introspection. And it's hard work.

But you only have today. You only have right now.