2 weeks of MRP, I feel like I'm losing some resolve...

rurpe · 2015-08-07T05:14:58+00:00

It's not a magic pill. You have to swallow it and the live it for months or years.

FearDearg2015 · 2015-08-07T05:59:56+00:00

You say you are 2 weeks in. Keep that in mind. You are 2 weeks into a journey, and you have access to the hitchhikers guide to that journey. Your wife is not reading the guide. At worst, she hasnt registered any meaningful long term change in you. At best, she notices something and considers it a "phase".

Slow down. This is the long game. What's the rush? You should be focusing only on yourself. If she barks am order at you, stay calm. As you said, if it needed to be done anyway, then just fucking do it.

Yes --- it's gonna be frustrating when you are consciously aware of your actions "not being RP", but remember, this is your marriage, not some bar pick up. The red pill that you are swallowing is for you, and will benefit you for the rest of your life. It's a good sign that you

feel like I'm slipping backwards

That is a sign that you are internalising the process. "2 steps forward, one step back". Nobody on here is an expert with YOUR wife, or with you. The RP truths are generally applicable, but they combine to cause a complete change of perspective for you. They are not just a checklist of things that you should be trying to do. Well, the MAP is, but that's different because that is designed as a list of things that you have complete control over, to make you more attractive.

"Holding frame" for you, at this point, is not letting yourself get dragged backwards.

Hypothetically, lets say she is currently the captain. You want to be the captain. You are basicly plotting mutiny. You know you have a plan, and that amuses you. You show your amusement with playful responses to her demands. Instead of complying with the order with a "Sir Yes Sir!", you comply with an attitude that shows a little insubordination. Not a direct fucking attempt to mutiny on the spot. You need to test the boundaries. Learn about your wife in the context of your new RP knowledge. Think "shawshank redemption" rather than "rambo". Don't directly tell her you are digging a tunnel to freedom (dread level 5+), just do enough to make her suspicious.

Stay in your frame. Respond to her demands in your frame. "comply" in your frame. The world looks better in your frame. Her life would be happier in your frame. Acta non verba. SHUT THE FUCK UP! Slow down. Develop your frame. There are 4 possible outcomes :

mutiny, by you, and leaving her with resentment, but she'll get over it after some period of adjustment
promotion by her of you to the rank of captain, leaving her with a sense of relief that an oak is now in charge
summary execution of you, by her, for gross insubordination, and conduct unbecoming of an officer (divorce initiated by her)
you abandoning ship, due to the captain being a tyrant who you don't want to serve anymore.

RPAlternate42 · 2015-08-07T05:18:25+00:00

Your frame is your reality. Anything outside of your reality can be coined as unrealistic..

If she barks orders, ignore it. If she barks orders for something that needs to be done, hold off on it.... All of this especially if you are busy with something else.

If you find she is unpleasant in her "asking," give her a boundary:

"I don't feel inclined to help you with anything, or even listen to you when you are unpleasant and rude. Do not bark orders at me. Asking me politely will give far more positive feedback. I am polite and requesting when I ask for or need something. I expect no more of you than I expect of myself. If you continue to be unpleasant I will continue to ignore you. If you insist on being unpleasant after that, I won't be around to even ignore it."

Paraphrase to your language. If she argues or the like, you can broken record the last part and then simply ignore her. If she persists, leave. Leave the house. You can't just say things, you have to actually follow through.

The_Litz · 2015-08-07T08:04:25+00:00

Me and you are unplugging just about simultaneously!

I have noticed I pushed to hard in the beginning, fuelled by some early succes. Each time I pass a small shit test I want to turn into Conan.

I started with NMMNG, was about to start MMSLP when I went back to NMMNG and started from the beginning. It takes a long time to undo the damage caused by decades of supplication. This stuff needs to sink in.

Your wife is especially a difficult case if I may say so, choose your battles wisely and life to fight another day. Don't rush into a danger situation and when in doubt STFU.

Stay manly brother.

strategos_autokrator · 2015-08-07T08:33:28+00:00

Life is not about resolve. It is about discipline.

Be a man. Don't be a child that only does the hard stuff when he feels like it. Be a disciplined man, do stuff with discipline, keep going. These aren't changes you will see in a few days. 2 weeks is NOTHING. Estimate one month per year of relationship before you see changes. And then, you can never quit. If you stop improving, you will lose all the terrain you gained. These are changes you make in yourself, forever, all the time, always improving.

When you feel emotionally confused, go do something concrete to improve your SMV. Go to the gym. Buy new clothes. Read the sidebar for an hour. Heck, do pushups. The key is to reprogram your brain to take action instead of bitch.

For motivation read the book called "The War of Art" (not to be confused with The Art of War).

Stop whining and go lift.

2015-08-07T14:14:02+00:00

It's a life long marathon, not a sprint.

There are similarities to a diet. Most people think a "diet" is something you do for a short time. This is wrong. Diet is your lifestyle. It's a long term change in your thought processes and habits. Same with RP. You don't do RP for a month, it's a complete life change. And yes, you will slip.... A LOT! We all slip.... A LOT!! You are changing a very core part of who you are. Do you think that kind of shit happens overnight? It takes MONTHS to re-train yourself, and even longer after that to re-train your wife.

Keep at it. Go at a pace that is pushing you, but don't go too hard too fast or it will blow up. STFU until you learn to master A/A, A/M and fogging. Sometimes it's helpful to STFU, but then analyze in your mind what you might have said to her to AA/AM/Fog.

Get your SMV up and start implementing some passive dread.

Most of all, get out of your wife's frame. Treat her like a spoiled child that is throwing temper tantrums when she doesn't get her own way. You are above her looking down on her, not her equal. When she starts barking, put on a smirk and say to yourself, "Oh, that's cute. She thinks she's in charge." then ignore her. These small internal actions really help in maintaining frame.

Jessie_James · 2015-08-07T14:56:34+00:00

When my wife is rude, this works for me:

That was rude, you need to apologize.

Then wait. She'll usually blow up, so I tell her something like:

Look, I know you're {frustrated, worried, upset, hurried, angry} but that does not give you the right to treat me like shit. You need to calm down, apologize, and treat me with respect. Then we can talk about what's going on.

Then if she is rude again, tell her she's still being rude and needs to calm down and apologize.

One of my favorite questions to ask when she is upset is "Have you eaten anything today?" My wife tends to forget to eat, which causes her to be in a bad mood. After a few years, it's an instant deflation for her, and she apologizes and eats something.

She will usually calm down, apologize, and say she's just upset because she's flustered, tired, hungry, angry, etc.

Obviously, if you're being rude it won't work. You need to be calm and maintain frame to do this.

glurping · 2015-08-07T20:59:01+00:00

Where is your leadership in planning and packing for the vacation? For years you’ve expected her to take care of things, of course she’s going to bark at you. Before you started packing you should have taken pen to paper, sat down with her and figure out everything that needed to happen and who was going to do what. I know you didn’t do that, it’s obvious. In this situation, leadership is the action of writing it down and divvying up the tasks; you don’t wait for her to “bark orders”.

2015-08-07T11:19:10+00:00

After two weeks? buck up kiddo

you have thought patterns, bad ones. this 'lack of resolve' is you rewiring your brain to something healthy. It gets better, just stop thinking, keep doing, eventually you'll come around.

Ignore your 'progress' it's a nice metric, but too much guesswork. Stick to the fundamentals, and keep building, otherwise you end up with a bullshit post like my last one

fatalbinoninja · 2015-08-07T11:53:44+00:00

You still have a long way to go bud. I'm 6 weeks in and still feel like I'm just at the tip of the iceberg. This is not a race and not some quick battle you win with the wife. Something that helps me a lot is to keep a small journal for each day. Just make a quick note of what you and she did, the responses, any shit tests and what did or didn't happen.

I use evernote on my phone and spend 10 minutes before work in the morning writing down my thoughts. Learn from my mistake and either password protect your phone or sign up for evernote pro and lock down that journal so the wife can't read it.

As for progress with the wife, just ignore that for now. Right now you're looking for progress with yourself. Keep reading the sidebar. I'm reading superior man right now and it is a fantastic read on embracing your masculine core. Focus on developing that and your wife will start responding to it. If she doesn't then who cares, you're still getting better and becoming a better man.

Also, I know how you feel about getting hit. That happened to me two years ago and still pisses me off to this day. To my wifes credit she has worked on her anger a lot since then and has gotten a lot better. But regardless, that fear is always still there whenever we have a fight. I wish I had a better answer for you but this is one of the times when you just need to man up and embrace stoicism. If she does it again then by all means start looking for a divorce lawyer but until then just keep on improving yourself.

S-Words41k · 2015-08-07T14:25:44+00:00

What do we do when we slip, Master /u/S-Words41k ?

We pick ourselves up.

How many YEARS are you trying to recover from? And you think 2 weeks was long enough to lock in all that change forever. Good luck with that.

strategos_autokrator · 2015-08-11T08:10:12+00:00

This is a low quality post. Read these guidelines, post less, and post higher quality stuff.

This is a gentle warning from a mod.

Title	2 weeks of MRP, I feel like I'm losing some resolve...
Author	S-Words41k
Upvotes	0
Comments	21
Date	August 7, 2015 4:07 AM UTC (10 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MarriedRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/3g3b9n/2_weeks_of_mrp_i_feel_like_im_losing_some_resolve/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MarriedRedPill/2-weeks-of-mrp-i-feel-like-im-losing-some-resolve.201274 https://theredarchive.com/post/201274

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