Wife is reacting to dread by running dread game of her own. What do I do?

BluepillProfessor · 2015-07-27T05:39:34+00:00

You cheated on your wife and not only did she forgive you, but she still fucks you regularly? Count your blessings and be grateful.

Being a good husband and father is still at its core, being selfless. Its what we do. We just define our own sacrifices (like not fucking other women, for example). Our wives and children don't get to tell us our role. We set the rules of the game. We sacrifice, but we still lead (if you understand that) and our leadership is born from love - its tough when it needs to be and also kind and patient when appropriate. Leadership is earned through repetitive displays of competence. Cheating is not competence. Doing that obliterated your SMV in your situation. Now you are rebuilding your SMV. Flirting with waitresses probably not the best idea. Flirt with your wife. Charm and seduce her like you used to - like you did with other women. Do you love her? If you do, try to find a thoughtful way of telling her - and let that lead into some extremely passionate lovemaking. Repair your pair-bond that way.

What you need to do is focus on is making yourself a better man. Leading a marriage isn't being a selfish prick who extorts sex from his wife. Get ambitious, become more financially successful, get and keep the workout body - raise your SMV - that's all the dread you need in your situation. Transform yourself into something that is difficult to find elsewhere at your level. Part of that is being a good father and husband, too. Yes you never want to be anyone's doormat, but you also need to know when to be kind and compassionate, too. You are the patriarch, and as such you need to act accordingly.

There are some cases where married life calls for something men incorrectly see as blue pill - displaying a little gratitude when it is deserved - being thoughtful, kind and loving... You can (and should) do these things without capitulating leadership. They only become blue pill when the relationship is one-directional and you continue to give without getting your due in return.

You have to earn back your leadership - and your wife's respect. Respect is a huge part of what drives women in relationships sexually. I have a feeling that in your situation, the more respect you regain, the better the sex will get. Work hard, be smart, be earnest, be the man your family needs.

Edit: From my mentions I can see that Blue Pill linked to this thread and mentioned me specifically. Senpai noticed me! LOL What Blue Pill fails to comprehend is their perfect ideal of 50-50 shared control of the relationship only works in their heads. In a conversation, wanting to appear modernist and forward thinking, women will disavow the traditional male leadership dynamic. When in relationships, they will sometimes challenge for leadership status - in fact that happens quite often, but when they finally get it - it feels like an underperforming relationship to them. Women don't enjoy deferring status. Almost always in every instance, a woman's expectation of return is always greater than their contribution (in terms of overall value) as they (intrinsically and rightfully) see beauty and sexuality as something that helps comprise their contribution.

In order to make a woman happy in a marriage, the man needs to lead. In order for a man to properly lead, he must have authentic relative abilities (and value). This comes from naturally being of higher status than his wife. She trusts his leadership, because she has confidence in his abilities to be the family steward. His leadership bears her prosperous fruit. She is the beneficiary.

Lastly, my BP friends, leadership is working together. Its showing concern, engaging and actively participating. Its not being a tyrant. Its not ignoring your wife's potential contribution. It's not refusing to delegate responsibility.

BluepillProfessor · 2015-07-26T21:36:02+00:00

She doesn't turn me down, but she never initiates and I'm sick of it.

Passive Dread (Levels 1-5) can and should be used by any man.

I do not believe one should use Active Dread (Levels 6-10) with a woman who is sexually available to you all the time.

The whole purpose of Dread is to make her sexually available to you. If she already is, Dreading her over not initiating is likely to be counter-productive. Women do not initiate. Women respond. Men initiate.

RPSigmaStigma · 2015-07-26T21:08:17+00:00

What else have you been doing besides lifting and dread? In order for dread to work, she has to actually perceive your SMV to be higher than hers. Odds are she's trying to call your bluff because she doesn't think you seriously have better options. Have you upped the dominance in your relationship? Have you demonstrated leadership? Honestly, overt dread should be a last resort for a new to the red pill. Work on your SMV first. You said when your wife goes to the gym "it actually shows". It's this implying that it doesn't show on you? What's your body like? Overweight? Flabby? Scrawny? Or do you actually have visible lean muscle? How about your posture? Do you slouch and hunch, or do you strut around like a silverback? So many questions...

[deleted] · 2015-07-27T03:02:42+00:00

awww poor baby. you're fucking pathetic.

a couple of alpha looking guys in their 20s were actually checking her out and she smiled about it... It made me feel pretty worthless, but I didn't let her see that.

look at how much of an insecure bitch you are.

you're not a prize, and you whining about it doesn't change the fact. it also sounds like she's kicking your ass in terms of improving her sexual appeal.

you're getting your ass kicked. stop whining about it and go do something.

As far as money, she makes about 5k more than me a year, so we're more or less even.

heh. do you actually believe this?

jacktenofhearts · 2015-07-26T21:04:24+00:00

So I started lifting and dreading, taking her out more so that I could flirt with waitresses in front of her.

It sounds like you're using too much "Active Dread," and not really focusing on increasing your SMV which results in natural "Passive Dread."

I wrote about this here, and how "Active Dread" can backfire very easily: https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/374wln/what_we_talk_about_when_we_talk_about_dread_13/crjrgcp

(I'd suggest you read the whole thing, but you can read just that section if you don't have time to read all 7000 words).

We went to the grocery store with my son last week and a couple of alpha looking guys in their 20s were actually checking her out and she smiled about it... It made me feel pretty worthless, but I didn't let her see that.

Hmm. This leads me to believe your professional life may be a big deficiency holding back your SMV. If not your professional life, then something else besides your physical appearance is holding you back from being and acting like a successful, high value man. What do you think that would be?

Redneck001 · 2015-07-27T12:13:02+00:00

You haven't bought in on the idea that you're the Prize. Neither has your wife. And I guaran-damn-tee that she knew you were butthurt by those boys' attention.

You need to earn her respect. And you do that by leading. You are totally in her frame. Step out of it. And make your frame so fucking awesome that she'll want to be in it.

It's gonna take some time. Slow down, and enjoy the journey. Your new mantra every day is "I'm awesome." So go be awesome.

[deleted] · 2015-07-28T12:23:23+00:00

Love how you waited until the end to mention your affair. Wow you guys have some fucked up opinions on women.

0kool74 · 2015-07-26T21:19:49+00:00

Once a week duty sex.....check! She's upping her SMV and getting noticed....check!
She just up and leaves you with the kid.....checkmate!

Basically I'd say this relationship is done and it's time to punch out. Or you could stick around and keep trying to make it work with somebody who obviously doesn't give a fuck about you.

[deleted] · 2015-07-26T21:12:13+00:00

Well. This isn't advice so much as pointing out your frame, but.

You are doing it for her, and I guarantee she senses that. If she's holding you to task by being better, then suck it up... Ask anyone here who had a cow at home how they'd live to have your problem.

BTW, you aren't flirting to get her jealous and want you back. You're flitting because naturally, you tend to be the kind of person women are drawn to and find attractive, because you're a prize, and she is irrelevant to that...

Your problem as far as I can tell is you're trading a locked in beta for a locked in beta with a gym membership.

Nothing you do or think is about her feelings. She dumps the kids on you when you has scheduled gym time? She doesn't respect your time.

And why would she? You're slaying dragons for her every chance you get...

Since you aren't coming from a disaster, you'll just have to work on you, because until you get yourself as #1 in your life, neither with she.

And you're OK with that, because you know that you can grab a younger one next week and get sex... And you're the kinds of dad that doesn't need her around to raise your kids anyways

EDIT: Sweet jesus. Love how he waits in here to mention two big fucking points. She earns enouhg not to need you, and you cheated?

go with /u/whinemoreplease pointing out your bitch behaviour, and /u/jacktenofhearts on your recovery plan... Yeah, you haven't asked for (far as I can tell) or given her reason to deviate from her gameplan and stick with you.

enfier · 2015-07-27T17:20:03+00:00

No one really responded to the "What do I do?" part of your post.

You download MyFitnessPal and you stick to your calories like a goddamn hawk. If your lifting program isn't something respectable and well known (i.e. something you came up with as a beginner or a plan that involves machines) then you get on a good program. You read the sidebar of /r/malefashionadvice and starting improving your wardrobe. You get a good haircut. If in doubt, go to an expensive salon, bring in some pictures for inspiration and give the stylist some flexibility to pick what looks best on you. Then you can photograph that haircut and take it back to your normal place.

Your wife's SMV is going through the roof and yours needs to improve fast.

KyfhoMyoba · 2015-07-27T22:14:09+00:00

Two years ago she did catch me having an affair with someone. It was a mistake because at the time our sex life was great, I guess I just wanted variety. I was pretty stoic through the whole thing and never apologized. She went quiet for a while, but eventually said she wanted to stay together for the kid and was willing to work it out, but that if I cheated again there would be a divorce.

She's about to have her revenge ...

slopejeff · 2015-07-26T21:32:57+00:00

Sorry to say. In my opinion once you cheat on a woman the relationship is done. If my wife ever cheated on me there is no way I would ever stay with her. If by chance I did stay with her then I would never trust her and have no respect for her or the relationship again. But that's just me.

JackBlackDaHack · 2015-07-27T14:56:07+00:00

Dude, you're a hot mess. You cheated on your wife, she raises her SMV and gets attention from good looking guys and your reaction was to get butt-hurt about her reaction?! AWALT. That's what women do. They seek validation from high value men. After that happened, you should have taken her home, ripped off her clothes and fucked her like a boss to remind your wife who HER alpha is.

I agreed and we moved on

Don't fool yourself. Guaranteed that she hasn't moved on. If her SMV continues to increase and she continues to get attention from high value guys, she's at risk of straying because your past affair could be just what her hamster needs to justify cheating.

IMO you have a tough road ahead. If you want to keep this marriage together you have to continually work to stay above her in SMV. Also practice a combination of passive dread and comfort game for balance.

LeeBarbs · 2015-08-02T17:33:32+00:00

Buckle up for her to start fucking every chad, chad, and chad out their. I she isn't already.

You fucked up by cheating on her. Don't get into a LTR if you aren't at least going to be serious about it. Now comes her revenge. And trust me it is going to bother you more than it bothered her.

Good luck, you are pretty fucked. Divorce is going to fucking destroy you. She's going to use the kid as a weapon against you. Get a studio apartment enter monk mode and pray you can have a somewhat normal life after this.

Lift.

Title	Wife is reacting to dread by running dread game of her own. What do I do?
Author	startingover_red
Upvotes	17
Comments	40
Date	July 26, 2015 8:41 PM UTC (10 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MarriedRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/3ep0nj/wife_is_reacting_to_dread_by_running_dread_game/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MarriedRedPill/wife-is-reacting-to-dread-by-running-dread-game-of.201350 https://theredarchive.com/post/201350

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