I've been reading TRP for a few weeks pretty solid and had been reading some hit or miss before that. Read athol keys book. Been married 13 years and have 2 kids.

What brings me here is lack of fulfilling sex life with the wife. It is clear that while I've increased my smv dramatically in some areas (career, financial), I've let myself go in others (body, social) and I take responsibility for that and am on a path to correct.

So right now my wife isn't as attracted to me as I'd like or as attracted as she used to be and I need to work on myself and know that will take time. The more and more I read RP the more I get frustrated because so much of my life has been way too far to the beta end of the spectrum, and me not asserting a dominant or leadership role, and I see myself failing daily to gain that frame.mmi also understand that I won't be able to shift gears overnight or fix my attractiveness in my wife's eyes instantly.

Began working out more and watching diet and becoming more obviously outgoing and social with people, with some extra emphasis on her female friends, and trying to be cognizant of shit tests and be more of a leader. I guess you could say the first and most basic steps of dread.

My question here is in regards to the sex life. Sex life is inadequate both in terms of frequency and quality. I have not been alpha in this area in quite some time. About half the time my wife will be very into it and it's good for both of us. While my wife is not terribly resistant to sex when I approach, she is not likely to go out of her way to initiate and then while sex is not often turned down, I will too frequently just get the quickie and nothing more. While I used to appreciate the quickie for what it was, my current frame of mind, right or wrong, is that it's rather insulting and not at all satisfying.

Now I believe I understand the context appropriately in athol keys book which is sometimes there's just going to be a quickie and don't turn it down. But I my situation if half the time it's a quickie this seems like some form of a shit test where she is trying to control what the sex will be. I am curious how people deal with this or if I'm off base.

Case in point, My wife and I had been very busy the last week with relatives with us constantly in a close environment and no sex for a week. Not a problem, it happens. But then tonight when we're back to our normal life and I initiate she is too tired and had no energy and just wants a quickie. I didn't complain and took what I was given, but then felt like I needed to make it known that it really wasn't satisfactory, and I felt I had had probably already failed in the first place. I said, "you've got to figure out how to have some more energy for me...we need to have way more fun than quickies..." It was probably the first time I had said anything that would indicate I wasn't completely gracious for the generous quickie that she allowed. Her reaction was a little surprised but not negative, just an understanding and another excuse/reason which was that she was just drained from the long week with relatives and also about to start her cycle so just wasn't into it.

Anyway - I am trying to figure out what should be done in these situations. I know from reading that I should not be thrown out of frame and get upset, but In retrospect, should I have said, "no, not interested in a quickie tonight...I'm going to go take a walk." I feel even though I let her know in an understated way that quickies don't do much for me, it was too late because I had given in and let her control what we did. I'm interested to hear some thoughts or feedback on what to do or what works in these situations. It could be that I've got a long way to go on my own attractiveness and this is just how it's going to be for awhile, but then I see some stories of rather rapid change in response from wives with simple dread application in a week or two...