On this site the general advice is to shut the hell up and let your actions speak for you.

Great advice, and it has generally worked really well as I have traveled further down this road. But, there is a conflicting need to establish boundaries. Sometimes one can take ground back without speaking, but other times boundaries must be talked about and actions are not enough.

I came to swallow the pill not because of a dead bedroom but because I could not stand my wife being a total bitch anymore. She is/was a ticking time bomb just waiting to explode over the stupidest shit. Yes, I understand it is my fault for allowing her to act this way towards me. The past is the past, and new boundaries now must be established.

Well, her period is here again, and of course the hamster is spinning her wheel at light speed. Yesterday morning, some stupid shit set her off. I was reading the paper online, something I do every morning, and something she hates, and she exploded at me for it. This is after a few other explosions over the last month about inconsequential stuff (see my beach bag post as another example).

I immediately failed the test. I got off the computer. At the same time I was just fed up. I refuse to be bitched at over trivial shit anymore.

So, I left the house with my children to get donuts (to get away) and got home, sat next to her and told her I will continue to read the paper in the morning and not feel bad about it. Of course she explodes again, so I take my children to the park without her to get out of the house.

When I got home, I was still butthurt and totally out of frame in my mind but maintaining it outwardly. I refuse to be bitched at anymore. I went to the gym which she tried to guilt trip me out of. I was not having it and went.

Of course, when I get home she is raging, so again I get the kids and separate from her for the entire afternoon.

I could not regain my composure, but there was a point to my madness. I was going to tell her how it is. The rest of the day was more or less full of her being crazy (affair accusations, I only want her for sex, I don't love her, I am selfish, I am a huge asshole ect.) and me just laughing it off until after dinner.

After dinner, I just went off. I did say a couple of low blows that I am not proud of (but not too nasty), but mainly stuck to my main issue. I will not be bitched at anymore over stupid shit and if she continues I will be leaving. I called her out on being a huge nagging harpy bitch, told her my changes are for me and she is welcome to join me on my better life or not, told her I have not been happy in the marriage since we first had kids, told her her parents would send her ass back to me in a week if she treated them the way she was treating me, and just my general dissatisfaction with what our marriage had become because of her bitchy behavior.

This fight lasted several hours with me leaving the house a couple of times (you know, dread) and ended with me getting across exactly what I wanted to say and reestablishing boundaries and her telling me she was going to sleep in the other room and that we might need a break.

So, I go to sleep in my bed and she stomps around the house like an elephant (not a fatty). I did not go after her to comfort her like I would have in my bill pill days.

Two hours later, she crawls into bed with me, says she is sorry and loves me and we have sex without talking about anything more.

Today she has been sending me sexy texts and has left sexy notes all over the house. She is treating me how she did when we first started dating. She initiated sex again this afternoon. She promised she will change for me and wants to act how we did when we first started dating.

The general advise is to shut up. Especially if you are not willing to risk anything. But, I feel like this fight and the talking that went along with it has re-framed the entire relationship. Another possibility is by entering her frame, she got the emotional roller coaster she was looking for and I am just a sucker. Maybe a little of both.

So, what is the thought on talks or fights to reestablish boundaries instead of remaining an oak?