Is marriage counseling a good idea? I feel like I know the answer but...

alpha_n3rd · 2014-11-22T11:40:04+00:00

The best counseling is a fist full of a hair with your dick in her.

Lizard_king_420 · 2014-11-22T12:03:21+00:00

I've been, its not worth it. The only way to fix your marriage is to fix you. Sidebar reading is worth its weight in gold. I cant recommend Married Man Sex Life Primer enough. Read that book.

[deleted] · 2014-11-22T14:04:38+00:00

I suspect there is not a marriage counsellor alive that is going to tell you the things you need to actually to do to improve your marriage in a RP way.

You are the only variable that you have control over. Read the side bar material, the books, put it into action, improve your marriage and save yourself money and aggravation.

I believe one of the best things you can do, is to keep track of your wife's cycle, and how that affects your interactions, both sexual and otherwise.

BluepillProfessor · 2014-11-22T17:45:47+00:00

In my experience, marriage counseling is like giving two baseball bats away and telling the 'counselor' and the wife to swing at your balls repeatedly until you cry. The "therapy" generally consists of exhortations to pull out your sack and squeeze your testicles so the bats are more effective.

Improve yourself, make yourself more desirable, get your shit together, LEAD your wife, take charge...and fuck her like your marriage depends on it. Because it does.

isolos · 2014-11-22T16:46:07+00:00

Do you really need someone to tell you to "listen to how she feels"? Why RP is so powerful because we don't sugarcoat things. If your marriage is having problems then it is solely your fault. You need to fix yourself. You don't need to pay someone to tell you that.

[deleted] · 2014-11-22T17:41:23+00:00

I ended up paying 100me + 100for mom 200 total for two hours. This woman counselor did marriage counseling, and all of that related counseling. So this particular instance it was for counseling before an allocation of parental responsibilities court case to agree on a parenting plan. What happened was in the last ten minutes, I had to be the one to get it settled because this counselor wasn't going to do her job otherwise.

Before this, she explicitly told me she didn't hate men. It became obvious she didn't like men though when I found out she called my ex and talked to her on the phone for an hour after the counseling session telling her all the inns and outs of what she needed to do in court to beat me.

All I wanted the whole time was time with my child from an ex trying to pry my daughter from my life.

These people are overpaid indoctrinators, and will be nothing more than an expensive way to marginalize and browbeat you.

Best of luck wading through your shit, my friend.

slinger-rpta · 2014-11-23T15:01:35+00:00

We don't have enough information to answer the question. It depends ENTIRELY on who you get as a counselor and where you are in the marriage. By default I generally say Yes but there are circumstances that could make it negative if done recklessly.

Our counselor, a woman, starting by basically telling us to work on ourselves first and bring that best version of ourselves to the marriage - or stop kidding ourselves. I think it was very RP suggestion: I was schlepping though and need to put the effort in TO MYSELF (physically, mentally, everywhere) before wondering what's wrong with anyone else. It worked for us... well so far.

Side Note: "So Far" is one of many keys to marriage. It's always "so far". The counseling worked for us when we did it with a specific counselor. We don't go anymore because we all agreed we had progressed enough to not warrant a need for it (another great things about this particular counselor - recognized temporary role).

bsutansalt · 2014-11-22T16:25:59+00:00

It depends. I suspect most cases it comes down to the old "desire cannot be negotiated". If that's the issue the MMSL Primer is where it's at. If it's a different problem you're having then counseling may help, like if you have different "love languages" or values.

[deleted] · 2014-11-22T17:32:03+00:00

The major problem with counseling is that both have to be highly motivated to fix the problem and acknowledge their faults to be fixed. If your wife believes you are the problem, you're already off to a bad start.

Archwinger · 2014-11-22T21:19:58+00:00

Marriages that "need" counseling are already over. If you do counseling and your marriage survives, it didn't need counseling to begin with.

Marriage counseling is essentially caving to your wife and letting an angry, bitter, female counselor on her fourth husband tell you how you need to change to please your wife to keep her from justifiably leaving you.

En_sigma · 2014-11-24T13:36:31+00:00

Saw this over the weekend and have not had a second to respond to it. Not that I am needed but my ought-2 is worth anybody else's I guess.

As many have already stated, MC is about making you both completely equal. Which is not possible and only twists your relationship more out of shape. And will NOT make your wife happy. Except for when she holds the therapist's opinion over your head for the rest of your days. THAT will make her slightly happy. Society is equal to what the therapist will say. Society got you to where you were before - Red Pill is about dealing with things how they are and not how they should be.

I don't think men are wrong for dealing with things as they should be. I should be me, she should be her, we should be happy. The end. BUT how it is in today's climate is she wants to be me (which they always did but were restrained in the distant, distant past) and she wants me to be me and her.

YOU have to be your best councilor. You need to be able to see all sides for what they are and deal with them in that regard. Not how they should be.

phoenix_md · 2014-11-25T01:16:39+00:00

Having been to 4 marriage counselors and >15 sessions over 10 years I can tell you they are worthless. Just a tug-o-war to see who can shame and out game the other.

The Red Pill/sidebar reading is all you need.

newlifeasredpill · 2014-11-22T23:21:36+00:00

You dont want to share all your anxieties, concerns, and problems with your wife. She will lose all attraction.

Go separately if you need to talk

GunsGermsAndSteel · 2014-12-06T22:57:54+00:00

Man, you gotta tread carefully. That counseling thing is all about "feeeeelinggggs" and you know who's gonna win on that battlefield. It ain't you.

strategos_autokrator · 2014-12-15T11:07:14+00:00

I'm in that now. We have tried 2 counselors, and gone for a year. I thought it was the only way to save our marriage.

Ultimately, what helped me was that I read the sidebar, and started to be more honest about my needs. Stopped saying I needed her to fulfill my needs, but act as to fulfill them myself. She hated it at the beginning, but then ultimately, fights diminished 95% frequency, and even that 5% gets to be way way less, so we are happy again very quickly.

The contradictory thing about all this is that the way to improve my marriage was to stop doing everything to please her trying to save my marriage, and focus on pleasing myself. That change brings stress to the relationship, as all the dynamics change, but now we are way happier.

Title	Is marriage counseling a good idea? I feel like I know the answer but...
Author	JustWadeIn
Upvotes	12
Comments	20
Date	November 22, 2014 11:32 AM UTC (11 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MarriedRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/2n2nzs/is_marriage_counseling_a_good_idea_i_feel_like_i/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MarriedRedPill/is-marriage-counseling-a-good-idea-i-feel-like-i.202871 https://theredarchive.com/post/202871

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