Bad Decisions

2ndal · 2018-10-04T12:10:31+00:00

However, I continue to suffer under her bad decisions.

You need to realize that the suffering you're experiencing is your choice. She makes bad decisions, sure, but the only power you (or anyone) has is how they react to the actions of others. You have made the decision to react to her actions by suffering. That's on you. Others may choose to react to those actions in more positive ways, and you can too. Instead of working to experience her actions through a different mental state than suffering, you're channeling your energy into trying to change her actions, which will never work. You cannot change others, you can only change yourself.

I don't care what you want or don't want to do, and neither does the universe. You are a father and you have a job to do. It is your responsibility whether you like it or not. Your post is lacking significant details, but let's assume your wife's behavior is damaging to your children in some way. Great. You have two choices. You can sulk and suffer about that and try to begrudgingly swim up river against the current to protect your children from her, you can resist it, succumb to your monkey brain desires, live in your wife's frame of negativity and destruction, and eschew the parental responsibility you signed up for. Or you can accept your fate, be a leader, be a father, dump the victim suffering mentality, and create a positive environment for your children to flourish in spite of your wife's behavior.

Choose wisely.

redwall92 · 2018-10-04T11:33:20+00:00

Seems like you found TRP 8 months or so ago according to post history. TRP doesn't have much of an effect if it sits at the "discovered" stage in one's life....

No homo here ... but I'd love to be connected to somebody who would continually follow me around pick up the pieces from my disasters. I'd probably make some more and better disasters.

helaughsinhidden · 2018-10-04T12:18:14+00:00

Stats or GTFO

Frosteecat · 2018-10-04T13:54:58+00:00

What do you do if you discover a malignancy in your body? You assemble all the facts and cut the tumor out. You take measured, calculated steps to stop the spread of disease. You suffer your breakdowns in spirit alone and live or die that way, ultimately. What you DON'T do is stand on the sidelines, wringing your hands. Get to work.

RedPill-BlackLotus · 2018-10-04T15:08:48+00:00

However, I continue to suffer under her bad decisions.

No, you are suffering under your own bad decisions. She's just running the woman script, she's not even trying, she's on auto pilot.

Blame shifting is what they do.

You did this to yourself.

UEMcGill · 2018-10-04T18:53:58+00:00

However, I continue to suffer under her bad decisions. Even during the marriage she would torment me with this, as she would resist consulation and do whatever her feelz told her and I had to pick up the pieces. Now, I continue to have to rectify her disasters, for our children’s sake. But I don’t want to. Any advice?

There's no bad choices, only poor choices based on the information you have. So if she is making poor choices that affect you adversely the information is present, it's what you do about it that affects you.

So given the information what does it say? Can you isolate yourself from it? Legally it sounds like you are on your way. Have you followed a game plan for divorce that limits your exposure to new debt, division of assets and the like? Do you have a separation agreement? Do you have a child custody agreement? Are you communicating everything via email (tractability)?

You're getting divorced, and this is the main way to isolate yourself. What other problems have you encountered?

Your frustration stems, not from her poor decision making ability but your need to fix her shit. Don't. Instead, insulate yourself.

SharpestMarbel · 2018-10-04T12:56:47+00:00

Your "consultations" It's clear you were not able to lead her in marriage, so why do you think you can do it once divorced?

Captain White Knight. Save the kids- not the ex.

If it's really dangerous, the see a lawyer about getting full custody.

Title	Bad Decisions
Author	pathfinder52
Upvotes	0
Comments	9
Date	October 4, 2018 10:38 AM UTC (7 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askMRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/9lapoo/bad_decisions/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askMRP/bad-decisions.203943 https://theredarchive.com/post/203943

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