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I’m so confused as to what I’m supposed to do with this dynamic in my marriage y

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June 19, 2018
7 upvotes

Disclaimer: AWALT. I don’t operate thinking my woman is a snowflake, so let’s get that out of the way. Been with her12 years, married almost 2. She responds so well to red pill alpha male behaviors. She becomes literally disgusted by me when I act needy. If I leave her alone, stfu, lift? The woman acts like a happy child, cooks for me, Fucks me 6-7 days a week.

Now.

I’ve always been the one who makes more money in our relationship. Until we got married, we didn’t live together. So, finances were separate for the most part. I hit a bad spot at work 2-3 months after I got married, and had no job for a long time. She picked up the slack, said it’s no big deal and paid the bills while I worked my ass off. Today; I have a nice well paying job and also supplement my income with straight cash from a marijuana manufacturing business that can’t touch the banks. So, I have loads of cash now (that I account for and pay taxes, trust me I have an accountant as I don’t want to play games with the IRS) as well as a regular paycheck.

She’s an awesome girl and loves me deeply. She’s beautiful, goes to the gym to “get hot for you, babe”, never ever ever goes out to bullshit ladies nights or anything like that. It’s either date night with me, work, gym (together) or her parents house and I have her location 24/7 and she does as well. We trust each other.

She’s extremely cheap. I had to say it. She has over $35,000 in the bank, but won’t spend it on shit as she wants to save for emergency situations as she calls it . I monitor every paycheck and see where the money goes- she pays bills and that’s it. Doesn’t pay anything else. Doesn’t splurge on entertainment or anything. She see sit as a waste.

Ever since my weed biz has gotten loads of cash, she never pays for anything. Ever. I pay the rent, I pay every ducking bill. Her excuse is the money can’t touch a bank so we should use it on groceries, gas, everything. She gets mad now at the thought of paying for anything.

I pay the rent ($1600 monthly), groceries, insurance, phone, electricity, gas, water, amounting to over $3,500. She pays for car lease (450.) and even that’s like too much for her.

How do I bring this up in an alpha way? I don’t wanna seem like a guy who can’t provide. Don’t wanna be beta bux either . I want her to pay her fair share.

Can anyone help me here?


Post Information
Title I’m so confused as to what I’m supposed to do with this dynamic in my marriage y
Author breadwinnermrp
Upvotes 7
Comments 21
Date 19 June 2018 12:32 AM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit askMRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/204320
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/8s4kfn/im_so_confused_as_to_what_im_supposed_to_do_with/
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Comments

[–][deleted] 14 points15 points  (1 child) | Copy

Maybe she knew that you'd talk about your questionable business online, and that $35,000 is bail money.

[–]light-----------dark2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

haha

[–]fuckmrpRed Beret10 points11 points  (3 children) | Copy

I got married, and had no job for a long time. She picked up the slack.

had no job for a long time

had no job for a long time

had no job for a long time

How long did she float you? Maybe she feels entitled. Why is your name not on her account? You're married, why are you splitting up the finances like she's your fucking roommate?

[–]simbarlionRed Beret3 points4 points  (2 children) | Copy

You're married, why are you splitting up the finances like she's your fucking roommate

I still cannot understand all this split finance stuff. It;s not like it protects you from divorce rape. Sure maintain accountability etc. But If you going ALL IN by getting married at least have the balls to be ALL IN.

[–]rocknrollchuck2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

I feel the same. I believe it causes problems more often than not. If you're married, your finances should be combined. Maybe some people can make it work - for most, it is just a source of contention.

[–]SteelSharpensSteelMod / Red Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Agree with this. It's joint everything, paychecks come into one account, etc.

[–][deleted] 14 points15 points  (0 children) | Copy

I have her location 24/7 and she does as well. We trust each other.

lol

[–]man_in_the_worldRed Beret3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

You're afraid of your wife. Your whole post is a long DEER about how she's such a great gal that you're afraid to piss her off and maybe lose her, and Rationalizing why she should pay more.

A man with frame would decide what he thinks is right, tell her, and take the heat and consequences. There is sometimes no way to avoid upsetting people; have you even read NMMNG?

You're a beta with oneitis who is faking alpha. Start reading the MRP sidebar and becoming the real thing, before it's too late.

[–]InChargeManRed Beret2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

You don't seem ready for marriage...

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

I’ll never fully understand married couples that keep their finances completely separate. Especially if they will split assets in a divorce anyway, seems like a needless and artificial display of mine vs yours and only begets territorial thinking and covert contracts. Take control of the finances, or shut the fuck up.

[–]weakandsensitive2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

separation of spending habits and concerns.

[–]screechhaterRed Beret1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Oneitis is a fucking bitch.

You are also acting like hers.

You should be back here in months telling us about the sahara desert between her thighs that suffenly developed and of course, she has her money to move on the needier you get.

Y

[–]DavidCBlack1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Invest some of that cash in bitcoin. Do the deals in cash and use Local Bitcoins to find local sellers.

Portable and secure. Could* be worth a lot of money one day.

[–]BostonBrakeJob1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

How comfortable are you shipping with UPS? Asking for a friend...

[–]itiswr1ttenRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Why is she cheap? Is this coming from the parents' attitude she was raised by? Is this money invested or literally sitting in a shit checking/savings account earning less than inflation? One of the easiest ways to establish the split is to take control of the finances - but need to know more.

[–]343800 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

For another perspective, $35k kept in cash is not a lot of money. It's like the bare minimum for a well-funded emergency fund. I hope that in addition to this you two are funneling money into investments every month as well and you just failed to mention it.

What state are you in? Very likely all of the income that both of you earn in the marriage is legally joint property and all of your expenses are joint expenses. Quit with the chicken shit stuff and just join finances from here. You can keep everything you had prior to marriage in separate accounts, but all new income goes into joint accounts (or underneath the mattress in the case of your cash business) and everything you spend from today comes out of there. You should have had a more serious financial talk prior to getting married.

[–]BobbyPeru0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

How do I be alpha and beta bux at the same time?

[–]norcalguy5100 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Frame it like this: she helped you out before and you will help her out if she needs it. But until then you both gotta put in equally

[–]SepeanRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

How do I bring this up in an alpha way?

Paying for stuff isn’t alpha, what the fuck are you worried about?

I don’t wanna seem like a guy who can’t provide.

Why not? Are you just beta bucks to her? If you got her on alpha, she can pay her share.

Also there’s a difference between can’t and won’t.

[–]Rian_StoneMod / Red Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I don’t wanna seem like a guy who can’t provide.

walk me through what happens if this comes to pass?

be specific, whats the worst case scenario?

[–]BluepillProfessorMod / Red Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

How do I bring this up in an alpha way

Explore the boundaries that she has and then exploit that information to get what you want. When the time comes to bring it up, know yourself, know your opponent, strike like a Cobra, and hold frame like the Hulk.



You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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