So I've been reading the side bar and also Mating in Captivity. It has a lot of topics that are covered here with desire, emotions, neediness and all that BP and RP.
The chapter that hit the nail on the head was a chapter about the third shadow. This represents the fact that if there was no one else in the world you would just be together and not a couple. You wouldn't be able to use dread as there would be nowhere to go.
The fact that there are other people in the world and attractive people that can inspire desire such as movie stars and VS models is the missing component when it comes to dread and boundaries.
It mentions that in a relationship it is healthy to like the other to be able to have the freedom to get a tingle (i.e. Get hit on, random guy flirts with her at lunch, etc) but the boundaries shall exist at physical and there should be transparency.
This aspect on RP is giving them enough rope and being STFU/or cocky funny when she tells you about being hit on etc just to get a rise out of you. You would hope your wife is attractive enough to get hit on.
It mentions that it has to go both ways for equality and if somebody is overprotective i.e. (You get jealous when a guy talks to your girl at the bar and fly into a rage) and yet you do the same does not impart dread on her part. There has to be freedom for desire to exist.
I thought I would just recommend the book as it has other topics that I feel are important to RP.