I swallowed the pill 18 months ago shortly after the birth of my first child. I bent over backwards to support my wife during her pregnancy; turns out women treat footstools like footstools. Go figure.
Since then: long-winded backstory you should skip, I type too much
I've been lifting. I started out doing 5x5 Stronglifts for a year until I hit a plateau. Switched to crossfit just for the summer (the only gym in this small town with competent coaches) to improve my form. I'm aware of the high injury rate and am staying risk-averse. I'm there to learn form, lift heavy things, and be social with the best looking group in the county, NOT to compete. Currently 5'11", 170 lbs (a huge step up from 145 lbs last year).
I'm up to Level 5 of Dread Game. I'm always working on building frame. It was slow going with the newborn at first and had a few setbacks. I had to revisit step 1 of dread a few times; my frame regularly needs a tune-up. I still sometimes mistake comfort tests as shit tests.
Doing my best to own my shit around the house. I haven't played videogames regularly for two years now. Wife is, objectively speaking, a very demanding person that holds herself and everyone around her to impossibly high standards. She struggles to maintain friendships because of this. It is clear that I also continue to disappoint her; despite generally being on top of things. Lately my goal is to own the family calendar. I've hung a calendar on the fridge and am making sure our schedule is mapped out ahead of time so I don't have to defer to her about scheduling. The garage door got stuck yesterday, so I spent some time after work tinkering with it to no avail.
I've read NMMNG, WISNIFG, most of Rollo Tomassi's book, How to Win Friends and Influence People, and everything web-based on the sidebar. I'm behind on some of the paperback readings because I have trouble finding times to do my reading in privacy (don't want her to find out about fight club; could use some tips on how you all do this). Started doing audiobooks on my commute last month which I would recommend, btw. It helped me pound out WISNIFG in two weeks. Not all, but many of the RP sidebar books are on Audible.
Work is going great. I'm spending more than I'm earning right now as I'm buying a business to flip with my brothers; wife is a bit uneasy about this but I've been DGAF on the shit tests and doing better at comfort tests. If this deal goes through, it's going to be an easy ship to turn around. If not, we're still stable; although she's always been nervous about money... even with 0 student loans, 6 month emergency savings and 401k's. I usually DGAF about her worries here.
Early on after taking the pill, I went a bit red-pill rambo. Set up a Tinder account way back when to practice my text game. It's a shitty app unless you have a good shirtless gym selfie, and 5x5 Stronglifts doesn't build the biceps and pecs enough for my physique requirements. I'm and idiot, and never deleted my account. I move on to less pathetic more applicable practice: talking to everyone I see, flirting with waitresses and cashiers and women at the gym. I'm not trying to pull numbers yet, just working on banter and social cues.
Eventually her divorced former classmate stumbles across my account and messages me about it on facebook; I figure it's a good time to go all blue-pill and earn her pity: "I'm pathetically on here trying to practice flirting so my wife will pay attention to me. It's a sad state of affairs, as she won't sleep with me." I deactivate the account. Get bored a few months later and reactivate it. Stupidly don't deactivate it when I forget about the app.
Her divorced former classmate stumbled across my Tinder account again. Sent screenshots to my wife of our conversation and my profile; as we were in the middle of a conversation about how she can help after I buy the company. Obviously she responds with "what the hell is this", then tears, then "you're disgusting", then "you're an asshole". I treat all of this as a shit test.
I do my best to maintain frame the entire time and laugh it off. I was there for practice. Never met with anyone. (both come across as pathetic, but it's better than her thinking I'm cheating with tinder sluts). It's getting late babe, I'm going to bed. I never apologized. She was pretty cold this morning, but mostly seemed like she needed reassurance; was surprisingly receptive when I hugged her goodbye; and said as much, "I've been waiting for you to hug me all morning"
Obviously I'm an idiot with terrible OpSec. I feel like I handled last night well. Some minor DEER-ing, but I did't want her conclude I was sleeping with tinderellas. I don't know where to go from here, I'm pretty confused after this morning. I could also use any other advice or bitter truths you bros have to throw at me. I've got a long way to go and am here to improve myself.
Also, when do you guys find time to read books you don't want the wife to see? Or do y'all literally read "Married Man Sex Life Primer" in bed next to her before turning out the light and treat her questions as shit tests?
More importantly, how do I fix a stuck garage door?
Edit for clarity: our first kid was born ~18 months ago, same time I unplugged. My wife nursed for the first 10 months. We had problems long before this, but 6 months of no intimacy and open hostility changed things for me.
Edit2: more questions
why was she actively seeking a hug this morning? a comfort test? or testing how much of a pussy I am before bringing the real shit after work tonight? I get the feeling I should have left for work without a word this morning; but am too close to the situation and struggling to see the fundamentals behind what's going on right now.
I'm sure this isn't the last I've heard on the topic. I'm planning to continue with fogging and DGAF. She's been texting me articles about how text-flirting is cheating. My only response so far has been "If I wanted to cheat, I'd use my penis. BTW garage door repairman is coming by this afternoon"
I've got half a mind to say when I get home and the shit starts, "There's the working garage door. leave out it or STFU." but I'm a bit riled up from the barrage of confirmation-bias-google-search texts.
Edit3: shoutout to the folks over at BluePill reading this and circlejerking