Dealing with Anxiety

chachaChad · 2017-07-06T13:15:49+00:00

Congratulations on your lifting and weight loss. Keep that up. There is huge reason why lifting is the first and topmost item on the MRP list. Keep it up.

I also have a wife with "anxiety" so I know a little bit of what you're going through. I'm also new at this and have been lifting for 2 months with good progress.

First, you wife has anxiety and you don't like it because it gets in the way of what you want (her attention and sex) so you want to fix if for her. You can't. Stop it. The only person you can change is you. Continue on improving yourself no matter what she does. My question is how do you behavior when she has a panic attack? Do you walk on egg shells around her so as to not trigger her? When she explodes do you rush in and try to comfort her? Do you run and hide?

My suggestion is to keep your emotions at a 2 out of 10 and listen to her. Don't take shit she says while emotional as gospel but use it as an indication as to what is going on. She's upset and, like a child (male or female), may say shit that she feels at the moment but doesn't actually feel deep down. Let her go. It doesn't matter to you. No matter what she says, you're still fine.

When this happens to me and my wife snaps and starts in with the screaming and lecture, I used do just about anything to calm her down and make her stop. I would take the blame for anything and apologize profusely. If that didn't work then I would run away and get afraid and angry with her. Just imagine how I looked to my wife? She couldn't say anything to me but "I love you" or else I'd running away like a weak little beta. NOW... NOW.. I stand there like the captain I am. I keep my emotions at a 2 out of 10. I pretend I'm a captain on deck steering my ship through a raging storm. I grab the mast with one hand and plant my feet on that deck and I don't fucking move. There isn't shit that can rock me. She can say whatever she likes and I know I'll be OK. Bring it on women if you think for one moment you can crack my will. She rages, stops and even once, threw something. Doesn't matter. I'm a fucking rock. Just like a child having a temper tantrum, she'll burn herself out and when she does, I'm the one that still standing right there.

Look, you and your wife love each other and you're in this together. You have a 1 1/2 year old and a 7 month old. Her life has changed dramatically in the last 2 years while you're has only changed slightly. She's absolutely overwhelmed and all you want to do is tug on her sleeve and make her pay attention to you. She can't do it and it's super unattractive. You seem like you're in here looking for some magic words to game her and make her spread her legs for you. That's aren't any magic words to do that in your case. You need to work on Owning Your Shit. I'm going to guess she does all the heaving lifting and you work. Once you're home, you're upset that since you do all these nice things for her, why can't she just have sex with you? It's the least she could do. Well, guess what? She doesn't owe you shit. She doesn't owe you sex or attention or anything else. She's fucking overwhelmed and you're not helping. Exactly why do you need sex so much? Stop whacking off and using porn. Fix yourself. Run your life and give her some help and space.

I don't think for a second that her anxiety is some made up excuse. She just told you flat out what the issue is and you're not listening because you don't want to hear it. I don't know if her anxiety can be fixed by you fixing you but I think yours can. Plus, you have shit you need to do. I don't see anywhere in your post how you do ANYTHING with the kids or around the house? She works full time and comes home and has all this stuff to do? WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING THAT SHE HAS TO DO EVERYTHING? She'll fuck you day and night once she's not totally overwhelmed with life.

She wants to fuck you. She desperately wants to be in that place where she can relax and have the only thoughts be about pleasing you physically and and enjoying her body with you. Do you think for a moment what she wouldn't give to be in that place? But she can't! She's got things to do and responsibilities and she's trying desperately to own her shit, her kids and, I'd bet, yours. She's in front of the TV or facebook games to decompress which it totally understandable.

The great news is that this is partly your fault which means that if you fix you, you can improve the situation. Keep improving yourself. Take a hard look at how much you're really doing and double it. Be the first one up, the last one to sleep. Be the man in fucking charge and take care of your life and your family. Things won't always be like this if you have the courage, rage and strength to change them. But remember, even if you fix yourself and run you life and your house, she still may not change. That's not your problem. Do all this for you and not for her. Don't expect anything from her for doing all this, not even a "Thank You". Expect nothing but a better life that you made.

Now, fucking stand up and get back in there and stop worrying about getting your dick wet.

FF0000_captain · 2017-07-06T13:07:59+00:00

It's an excuse. She feels bad for not being attracted to you, and gets mad at you for bringing it up (and making her feel bad). This is typical.

She'll probably come around after 1) you get in better shape and 2) make game a part of YOUR daily routine. Eventually she'll realize that fucking her husband properly is a part of HER precious daily routine, too. This seems like one of those "hurry up and wait" situations...just keep doing what your doing. And stop being a butthurt bitch...you're just hurting yourself.

[deleted] · 2017-07-06T16:49:43+00:00

Congrats on the weight loss broseph.

All through college and before we got married she would go on and off it as she started feeling better

It's a common cycle on something like this that people will stop taking their meds because they feel better, and then they start feeling worse because they stopped taking their meds, etc. This is super typical.

Due to the anxiety and years of never being good enough for her mom, she doesn't seem to respond to touch or game the way that AWALT.

Keep in mind that what's going on internally for her doesn't necessarily match up what's going on externally. What I'm saying is that just because she isn't reacting in an external way doesn't mean she's not responding internally. This becomes important down below.

Another thing that drives me bonkers is that she claims that due to her anxiety, she has to have her whole day planned out in her head. Anything that throws that plan off could potentially send her into a panic attack.

A large part of anxiety is feeling in danger due to the unknown. A common response/coping mechanism is to try to over-plan and to control everything to avoid that feeling danger. This is also super typical.

Her answer was that it takes too much emotional energy and makes her feel vulnerable and those feelings fuel her anxiety.

My opinion is that she's not making this up or using it as a convenient excuse.

Legitimate anxiety that's out of hand like this is a real motherfucker. It's not something that can be reasoned with, and most people most of the time are only able to cobble together some mashed up set of coping strategies, of which you gave multiple examples in your post.

From everything you've said here, it's pretty clear that she wants to fuck you at least some of the time, but unfortunately, it's not that simple. This isn't something you can "beat" by being more attractive. You also absolutely 100 percent cannot get into arguments with her about not wanting sex because that's only going to make the situation that much worse.

Understand this: She's fighting against something she can't beat on her own. The only chance she has of winning any battle with this, let alone having any chance of winning the war, is if you are 100 percent firmly and completely on her side, leading her. She cannot beat this by herself, but she has a chance if you lead her.

But you can't do it because you want sex, or that's going to be a giant covert contract with a massive 16" cock that comes and fucks you in the ass daily with no lube. You have to do it because you want to free her from this mental prison she's in.

Here's a good place to start: She needs a plan, so give her a plan.

Spaw-1-4-5 · 2017-07-06T13:09:10+00:00

Alright, my first thought? Yes, she has anxiety but it seems as if you get wrapped up in it too.

You need to learn to be The Oak. Never too high, never too low, emotionally stoic. When she sees this is in you she may feel less anxious.

My wife has anxiety. I stopped getting butthurt about rejections, which just doesn't happen anymore, and I don't let her know if I'm stressing or worried. I don't complain about my job, I don't complain about her family. I don't get upset if she didn't do shit all day but sit with the kids...

I used to overreact to all of that and more. And it absolutely had a negative impact on my marriage. But I slowly got the grasp of not getting worked up, and yes I've had a couple slips but ultimately she sees me as the oak that she can cling to during the storm.

That's where you need to be. No more butthurt after rejection, no more talking about feelings, just... be cool man. If something's bothering you, don't get all worked up.

Anyway, that's just what I see and I figured I'd share my thoughts.

Tl;Dr

My wife was anxious because I was anxious. I stopped being anxious and so did she.

Idunnowhy2 · 2017-07-06T14:00:01+00:00

She views sex as a duty which fuels her anxiety. So long as it's a DUTY rather than a DESIRE (and anxiety rules her life) you will not get the sex you want.

Focus on you, not the sex (for now at least). Once you've drastically improved YOU you can lead HER.

She has to want to change. You have to show her what self improvement looks like and can do.

GargantuaBlarg29 · 2017-07-06T15:01:45+00:00

Her anxiety is ultimately her problem. Women are more reluctant to see that life doesn't give a fuck about your anxiety and if you want to get anywhere, you have to just say fuck it and plow on.

She may never have the anger fueled, testosterone driven "I'm going to change" thoughts guys can experience here when faced with a need to change, but that doesn't give her an excuse not to. You push her by continually improving, positively reinforcing her good behaviors, and removing time and attention for her bad behaviors. She'll either come around, or you'll move on.

screechhater · 2017-07-06T21:29:32+00:00

read this

next time to look up Abundance Mentality in the search bar sticking to married red pill

I would venture to say you should truly see a difference following the principles of Dread and develop some abundance

Title	Dealing with Anxiety
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	4
Comments	25
Date	July 6, 2017 12:33 PM UTC (9 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askMRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/6llg01/dealing_with_anxiety/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askMRP/dealing-with-anxiety.205907 https://theredarchive.com/post/205907

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