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Tips or code-cracking to help with son's shyness?

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April 3, 2017
7 upvotes

Hi guys. Do any of you have any tips, advice on this, through the MRP lens? My boy (7 year old) is shy when meeting others. Yesterday we ran into another family and chatted for a while and my boy was pretty awkward, shy...looking down,etc.. He plays well with others at school and with friends, etc..but he gets shy or awkward in a lot of social situations.

I know this is probably relatively normal for a 7-yearold. They don't "do" small-talk and adult-like "how are you's?",etc..etc.. But I want to teach him to be comfortable in his skin and comfortable in social situations. Is it simply lead-by-example over time while he matures kind of thing or do any of you have experience in teaching your kids to be less shy/awkward at this age?

I admit growing up and up until recently, I was all kinds of beta and was almost as shy and awkward. It's taken me many, many years to grow out of the awkwardness - this behavior has exponentially been diminished through therapy, sidebar books, big life events and aging.. I'd hate to have my son take decades to "grow out of" or figure out this crap. Perhaps as a toddler he's witnessed my past-awkwardness and is mirroring that past asperger-like behavior but I'm not the same anymore and I want to work on this with him. I even mentioned to him after this encounter that I was shy when I was a kid and tried to point out his behavior and tried to get through to him that I was aware he was being shy and that it's something that can change.

Any experiences, advice you guys care to share?


Post Information
Title Tips or code-cracking to help with son's shyness?
Author radarshines
Upvotes 7
Comments 11
Date 03 April 2017 01:13 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit askMRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/206324
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/636o9j/tips_or_codecracking_to_help_with_sons_shyness/
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Comments

[–][deleted] 8 points9 points  (0 children) | Copy

A lot of kids this age are shy because their parents haven't told them how to behave in this kind of situation. Our 7-yo son is slow to warm up to people he hasn't met before, but we have been very explicit about instructing him in common social conventions. "When you're at the supermarket and see somebody you know, you say, 'Hi, how are you?' and maybe you talk to them for a few minutes. When you're introduced to somebody you haven't met before, you shake their hand and say, 'Nice to meet you.'"

They don't "do" small-talk and adult-like "how are you's?",etc..etc..

Only because they haven't been taught how. Some kids, like our daughter, pick this up through observation and osmosis. Other kids, like our son, need more detailed instruction. We've practiced with him at home and that has helped a lot.

[–]nastynickdrRed Beret6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy

Talk to him about it. Tell him to look people on the eye when talking, to not let what people say/do take him down.

Is he being bullied at school? I was when I was little and it chipped away my self worth until i had zero self esteem. It made me always look down when walking, have poor posture, being really shy, thiking people would make fun of me and that I was weird, and stuff like that.

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

no expert, but I met a dad who was teaching his son eye contact. When I spoke with his son, he encouraged his son to make eye contact with me when responding.

Seemed like a good starting point that many adults still haven't figured out fully (including myself)

[–]ReddJiveRed Beret1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

He's 7. Not too much to worry about.

Just set the example let him see you. If you are together include him in what you are doing. show him how a man should be.

My youngest is like this. the hardest thing I have to teach him is how to make friends. This will likely be your biggest task.

[–]youcantdenythat1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

This is what I was going to say. My son is younger but seems to be quite shy so I started making it a point to be more outgoing when he's around. I say hi to people in elevators, in line at the grocery store, and while taking walks around the neighborhood and he is starting to pick up on that and is starting to do that also. It is working surprisingly well.

[–]Big_Daddy_PDX0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

That's a young age to expect much directed training. At the Elementary school ages, they're personalities are growing based on the world around them and how you lead them at home.
My 10yr old son is really shy as well. Although I'm very gregarious and talk with everyone and he's with me a lot when I show him how to engage people or how to think of social situations and outcomes. But as soon as he's around adults or strange situations, he's damn near autistic. It's a process of time, leadership and growth, nut is recommend that you learn to accept where he's at today, but continue with simple and consistent leadership of social principles.

[–]nantucketghost0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

deleted What is this?



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