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1 year Field Report

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December 19, 2016
22 upvotes

After just celebrating my 16th wedding anniversary with my wife, it seemed like a good opportunity to do field report.

The custom in my marriage has been to make a big deal out of any anniversary that is a multiple of five. In keeping with that, last year, I booked a trip for me and my wife to go to England, where we used to live, and has a lot of fond memories for us. My marriage was in trouble then. I certainly wasn't an alpha and, truth be told, I kind of sucked as a beta as well and after several hard years with trying to raise 6 kids, 3 of them high risk adoptees, my wife was pretty burned out. She was not attracted to me, in fact I would say that her feelings about me were bordering on disgust.

I thought taking a really nice, romantic, trip might help fix things, but I was sadly mistaken. My wife had recently been making the transition out of being a stay at home mom, to getting her masters degree and re-entering the work force. She seemed to be enjoying the process and being happier, but I could see that her happiness was largely based on not having to be around me. During the whole trip, most of her happy and laughing moments were because a guy in her class was sending her funny messages. She was completely disengaged from me the whole trip, but very engaged with her phone. In the months leading up to the trip, she had been very careful to make sure any time that I was home, she would be out doing something else. On the last day of the trip, I tried to talk to her about what her plans for the future were, and she was hoping for a career where she could be out of town 70 percent of the time. I finally lost my shit and told her I thought she was planning for a life without me.

The conversation did not go well and was a shitty cherry on top of a shitty trip. For the next month, I was in a panic. I could see my marriage slipping away and being the hen pecked little faggot I was having a break down about it. I tried on a number of other occasions that month to try and talk my wife into wanting to work it out, but she did not want to. She was done with me, done with trying and actually said, she would just rather be roommates than my wife. That was bottom for me.

I shared with a coworker and friend that my marriage was pretty close to being over and he listened patiently and then introduced me to TRP. I didn't know much about it at the time, so I started with reading "The Game" and "MMSLP" I started reading the family alpha and the rational male and slowly lights began to turn on in my brain. I began to realize that my approach to being a good husband was fundamentally flawed, that I had my wife up on a pussy pedestal, that I was horrible unattractive. I had to be honest with myself, that I wasn't happy with her either, that I was tired of feeling like a whipped dog and that I wanted more out of marriage than I was getting.

I eventually found this sub and began taking an inventory of what would need to change to be the man that I wanted to be. I decided that if I did the work to be that man and my wife was still disinterested, then I would leave her. I decided to immerse myself in as much writing and information as I could to change my mindset into the kind of man I wanted to be.

I started by joining a crossfit gym. To date, I have lost 25 pounds overall and my doctor says I have put on nearly 15 pounds of muscle. I still have more weight to loose. I am probably between 20 and 25 percent body fat now but I feel a lot better and a lot stronger. I started passing shit tests like a champ. AA and AM became my constant friend. I became fun, flirty and easy going. I started getting a life and having things that I do that don't involve her. I stopped talking to her about my feelings, ever.

Fast Forward to my 16th anniversary. I took her out on a date and made some interesting observations. My wife wanted to go out with me, big improvement over last year. At one point I mentioned that I had some more weight to lose, and she noted that I don't look fat, I look strong. She puts her hands on my arms a lot and leans her head on them. She mentioned that I seem solid, emotionally and unshakable. Sex is at least weekly, not where I want it yet, but better than once every two months a year ago. She asks me what the plans and visions for the future are, comfortable letting me lead the family.

Perhaps my favorite part of the evening was when she commented that being around me makes her feel comfortable and light. I have worked hard to make my frame about being fun and calm. She seems to have confirmed that she is in my frame and likes it there.

Still have a ways to go. Probably another 25 pounds to loose and some career milestones to reach and a lot more fun sexual experiences to be had. But I am happy with the progress. Red Pill works, if you give it time and put in the effort.


Post Information
Title 1 year Field Report
Author ofthehighdesert
Upvotes 22
Comments 17
Date 19 December 2016 09:50 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit askMRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/206752
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/5j97wr/1_year_field_report/
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Comments

[–]bogeyd6Mod / Red Militia2 points3 points  (4 children) | Copy

Kind of reads like a TRP wet dream. Appreciate the story time. Imagine finding abundance mentality much earlier in your journey. The moment when you realize that another woman is trying to seduce you. When you walk up to a lady and she becomes visually disturbed being in your presence. I guess crossfit takes a lot longer to get there.

[–]nopeToThe43rd2 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy

Yeah, this is too clean and easy and pretty, and oh look, there's a goddamn bow on it! REMEMBER KIDS, DRINK YOUR OVALTINE.

[–]bogeyd6Mod / Red Militia1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

lmao

[–]ofthehighdesert[S,🍰] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

There was a gleam on my teeth when I said it too.

[–]ofthehighdesert[S,🍰] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I"m not sure what you mean.

[–]BobbyPeru1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Perhaps my favorite part of the evening was when she commented that being around me makes her feel comfortable and light

Ah that moment when you realize you've become attractive. AA and AM take a while to master- I've found the key is to just tun everything sexual in a joking way. I find now she does the same thing: welcome to my frame.

[–]2cingle1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Good for you- truly. Keep up the good work.

Just stopped in to type this.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy

Take these initial gains as your first water station and not the finish line. Great work.

Do you find yourself caring less and less about her phone now?

[–]ofthehighdesert[S,🍰] 2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

I think once I got over the need for my wife to need or want me, I stopped becoming butt-hurt about her being on her phone all the time. I always have things to do and I do them. More and more, if she isn't engaged, I will go and do something else, and then she will usually come find me and want to do what I am doing.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

perfect man, well done.

[–]Tiway222 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

That's good, but are you sure she didn't fuck the guy sending her funny messages?

[–]ofthehighdesert[S,🍰] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I certainly had my moments of being paranoid that she was having an affair. Early on I did quite a lot of digging and I am confident that she didn't, but I do think she was flirting with the idea. It was one of the reasons I was really alarmed early on.

[–]wild_deer_man0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

I stopped talking to her about my feelings, ever.

Why? Serious question.

Maybe it's my beta till talking, but disconnecting a person from my emotional world seems harsh. Also, there is probably a difference between sharing, and using emotion, like the beta pity fuck strategy.

[–]ofthehighdesert[S,🍰] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I don't think it is possible to disconnect from someone you are married to emotionally. My wife still experiences my emotions on a broad scale because she lives with me. The difference here is that: 1. I maintain the emotional state that I want. IE my frame is flirty, fun and light. 2. My wife can see what I am feeling without me having to talk about it. The effect being, that yes I have emotions, they are in my control, and my wife isn't my therapist.

Not talking to my wife about how I feel, has gone a long way toward creating attraction again. I was actually a little offended at first when I saw how much happier she was to not know what I am feeling. lol, AWALT. They don't care what you feel, just that you have feelings and that they are in control. They want you to care how they feel, so ask questions and listen. It's as easy as that.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

SO is she out on her 70% away job? You get sex a couple of times a week. How about her?

And, not to shit on your parade... your wife WANTED to go with you on a date?? Holy shit dude what an epic achievement. Did you have to beg first, or do the dishes?

[–]ofthehighdesert[S,🍰] 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

hahaha. That's not shitting on my parade? I was trying to tout it as an achievement, I just noticed the difference between my 15th where she clearly didn't want to be there and this year.

She actually has changed her plans and is looking for a job that will keep her close to home. That was of her own accord, I didn't try to sway her one way or the other.

I have written about it before, the sex honestly isn't up to par yet. It's more frequent, which is a step in the right direction but it's relatively boring with an occasional exciting night here and there. That is an area I have to work on this next year.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Nah, that was helpful insight



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