If my wife sees me as a beta loser, does it really matter if I treat comfort tests as shit tests?

sgallen · 2016-10-18T15:22:08+00:00

Keep it light. Keep it funny. Don't take anything she says too seriously. Smack her on the ass and tell her she was bad for staying up past curfew and you'll have to punish her. Then fuck her brains out.

Warning, this usually only works if you've been lifting for a few months. For now, just keep it light and funny. Give her a kiss then go about your day being happy

blimblamp · 2016-10-18T15:28:05+00:00

Rather than focusing on shit test vs comfort test, I focus almost exclusively on disrespect.

My MO is to comfort freely and generously if I can do it congruently, but I do not tolerate undeserved disrespect. Particularly intentional disrespect.

I find that disrespect is much easier for me to identify because I can feel it and I'm not trying to read minds.

And by don't tolerate I mean I treat it as a shit test and don't allow the hits to land.

Jokey comfort like your "nope" works too assuming the non-verbals and delivery send the opposite message. Don't do the sarcastic thing exclusively, though. I do the sarcastic thing when it feels like she's being ridiculously needy and I want some distance. I can tell though when she's being more genuinely insecure in our relationship and I'll take that as a signal to be more serious.

caveat applies: still fat, would not fuck me

2016-10-18T15:46:49+00:00

"You know the answer to that" and pat her ass.

you're welcome

2016-10-18T17:11:30+00:00

If testing becomes an over-focus point for you, shift your mindset and concentrate more on you and how to improve as your own person. This will be instead of gauging everything in the light of her actions/reactions.

You're in it for the long haul and overall. Don't get so caught up in every interaction or detail.

If you have more important things to worry about, how could you G.A.F. about little exchanges like the above? How would it even cross your mind that the myriad of things you do to make yourself a better prize somehow gets overturned by a sendoff a.a. ?

This morning my wife left for her part time job (leaves before me in the morning). I get out of the shower and I have a vm, she's asking me to go the opposite direction of my work to "drop off" her wedding band (one of two) she forgot because "it feels weird" wearing the engagement ring and single band. In the past I would have A) hopped to like an errand boy with totally devalued time or B) agonized over not doing it for FEAR of the message it would send...even knowing the unreasonableness of the request. C) Whined to mommy that I didn't wanna. D) Butthurt argued how it devalued my time ...and then argued via text.

You're in the territory of B right now.

side note: I went with E) a text : Roses are red , violets are blue, your ring is safe at home, today you wear two.

I'm such a romantic.

So don't sweat the small stuff, you know what actions are really valuable or not. Fry the bigger fish.

nightmancommeth · 2016-10-18T15:15:12+00:00

Sounds like you are in the early stages of dread. Treat them all the same. The DNGAF looks like it is slowly working. Keep the hamster spinning by doing you and dont respond to either.

blimblamp · 2016-10-18T15:48:18+00:00

Well, you haven't told us how the "maybe comfort test" is manifesting, so it's hard to tell.

prelude: 3 months into my MAP, went too fast, had serious problems. I do look decent now, but SAHM is hamstering that into "of course you'd look good if you joined a gym and spent 20 hours a week there and bought special food." (Protein shakes and bannas. And no, it's no 20 hrs a week.)

My wife has serious BDP-like issues. They may have been brought on my by 18 years as a beta - but they did show up pretty early in the marriage, even in the engagement.

SO, when she does something like a comfort test, or cries because she finds herself "fading into the wallpaper" or "you (hubby) have such an AWESOME LIFE", etc, if I physically try to comfort her she'll reject me and push me away.

But I do recognize it as a comfort test and try to say something comforting. "It's going to be okay", "We'll figure this out", "I was gone, I'm back."

If she continues to lash out I find some way to get busy - she clearly doesn't want to talk and I don't want to reward the behavior - but I don't remove the comfort.

UEMcGill · 2016-10-19T13:58:34+00:00

Listen here you fuck. You're all over the place. A month ago your complaining she's indifferent to you. Literally the opposite of love, she give no fucks about you. Now your like, "hmm if she throws a comfort test at me and I still act like a faggot is it ok because she sees me as one?"

You are a lazy fucker who doesn't want to do the work!

Seriously quit wasting our time. "She, she, she, she...." is not the answer. You are the problem. Lift, read, internalize and become awesome.

Title	If my wife sees me as a beta loser, does it really matter if I treat comfort tests as shit tests?
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	3
Comments	44
Date	October 18, 2016 2:48 PM UTC (9 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askMRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/584686/if_my_wife_sees_me_as_a_beta_loser_does_it_really/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askMRP/if-my-wife-sees-me-as-a-beta-loser-does-it-really.206993 https://theredarchive.com/post/206993

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