Status: Married 12 years. Early in marriage, was a lazy 'drunk captain'. About 3 years ago, went from that to supplicating, wife worshiping beta. It actually improved my life for the first several months, however over the next few years wife slowly lost interest in sex - I assume because I became an orbiter of hers and she eventually lost respect for me.Found MRP about 3 months ago when looking for a way to get her to be more open sexually.I've read the sidebar. Started lifting again about 5 years ago, so that part of TRP is not new to me. I lost 10 lbs this month using Redneck001's calorie counting method (264 down to 254). Shooting for settiling in at 235. I'm probably at dread level 2 right now. I have been mostly working on internalizing that I do what I do - lifting, handling my shit, etc. - for myself, and not for approval or validation. Throughout my beta phase, wife and I spent every second together that we weren't at work. Since finding MRP, I'm intentionally making space. Doing a lot of keeping busy - still lifting, doing projects around the house, building things in the garage, and stepping up my game w/ the kids - usually away from her. Focusing on avoiding idle time (TV, social media scrolling) at home
Generally wife and I get along well, but she has a need to feel 'in charge' when it suits her. (But she does't actually want real responsibility). In terms of interaction with her, since finding MRP, I use a generous amount of STFU when I recognize her tests. Could probably do better if I had better AA or AM skills, but STFU seems to be doing well enough. And thus far, most tests have been pretty minor and easily side-stepped.
My FR today is regarding a recent Silent Treatment....which has always been my wife's go to weapon. This is the type of thing that used to (drunk captain days) happen a lot - and I know she can stick to a silent treatment for weeks. She could probably stick to it for the remainder of her life if I decided to match her. I liked a /u/bluepillprofessor post referring to the futility of trying to withhold sex from a wife as "They can be like camels in the desert". Matching my wife in the silent treatment is the same way. Which is what I used to do as a drunk captain - I'd try and wait her out, then I'd blow up and we'd fight for an hour about the minutia of the initial disagreement.
Sparing the tedious details, this week wife got pissy about my walking away and ignoring her inquisitions about whatever she decided she wanted to micromanage at that moment. First day she went to bed early, and I let her be. The following day when I got home, I made a comment about how 'I don't know what what you're mad about, so if you think you're proving a point, I'm not getting it'. She said that because I've been ignoring her questions lately, she's just going to keep them to herself. After the conversation, I left the house....drove off and just read a book. When I got home I went to bed, she was already asleep.
As this was unfolding, I realized I was fucking it up in typical fashion. I'm trying to out silent treatment her. Beta me would have immediately decided "This isn't worth it" and just placated and apologized to get things back to normal. Drunk Captain me would have tried to blow the whole thing up and argue the finer points of how and why I should not have to answer some of her questions, which questions I should answer, and which I shouldn't.
The following day, I consciously decided to go with the Costanza method and just do the opposite of what I think I should. Mid day, after lifting, I sent her a no shirt selfie and said something like 'even though you've been pissy, I looked so hunky today I couldn't keep it to myself.' That got a semi pleasant response. I was gone for most of the evening, and when I got home we put the kids to bed. I beckoned her to the bedroom and initiated sex. She went with it, but I got the most pathetic starfish session - may have been the worst sex we've had in 5 years. I finished up and just went to bed and she went back out to the kitchen to work. Seemed like an even bigger failure than the prior 2 nights.
Yesterday morning was more of the same - curt logistical conversation. That evening, during dinner, I decide, fuck it - I'm going to carry on like she's not doing it. I carry on with normal conversation with kids and I start in on wife about some things in the local news about her former employer. She starts with short answers, eventually moves toward real answers. I finish eating, give her a small kiss and slap her ass. She immediately offers up "I have lots of work to do tonight, so I don't have time for that."
I move on with my night. Spend some time w/ kids, work on my project in the garage, do some work in my office. After kids are in bed, I read for a bit, then I emerge and beckon her to the BR. (Her starfish session the night before is not dissuading me!). She protests: "I took off my make up already - you hate that!". "My hair is in a wet bun - you don't find this attractive!". "I'm eating black pepper chips - you think those make my breath horrible". Through it all, I take her hand and lead her to the bedroom. She - unprovoked - goes into the bathroom, brushes teeth, takes her hair out, and then comes out - "I said I'm not doing this". Push her onto the bed, remove her pants, and go for it. Unfortunately, I'm not quite to the point where battling through these protests lead to her offering up her ass like an ovulating baboon. She "let me" fuck, and kind of smirked through it. I think she's got her own "amused mastery game" - she spent the whole time playfully biting my chest and made comments like "You think you get to do this every day?" and "What is your deal - you are so horny - are you on drugs?" (Next level will be having decent quips as responses to these type of things - for now, I just looked at her dismissively and kept pounding away) It wasn't great sex, but on the bright side, I did fuck on consecutive nights in the middle of her pissy-est week of the last 6 months. Whereas a year ago, I'd have let her fit get to me, and then been extra upset because I'd have been afraid to initiate and therefore sexually frustrated on top of being emotionally frustrated from her silent treatment.
I read these other FRs and they seem to end with the hero passing a shit test, followed by the typically prudish wife dripping wet and gagging herself on his cock and begging him to cum on her face. I'm obviously not there yet. I stumbled through this one to a draw. I think I learned enough to be able to knock it away with force the next time it comes up. I may not have maintained my frame, but I don't think I submitted to hers.
Don't waste time matching silent treatment. Act as if it's not happening from the beginning
Keep on initiating, even on the days that seem least likely to pay off.