Too much too fast? LTR 4 years here. M27/F23
What I've done:
- Been lifting
- losing weight (30 lbs down, 20 lbs to go, cw, 6'2" 211)
- OI about rejections
- Planning things to do and logistics
- A&Aing shit tests
- Being out a lot with friends, hobbies
- Finances are well ( both have well paying jobs)
Long time beta here. Similar story too most everyone, relationship started good, sex (enthusiastic) daily. 2 yrs in sex turned to denials, my begging, me crying etc Started implementing red pill things above over 2-3 months.
Can pretty much get sex on demand, but its mostly starfish. (I usually just caveman through this). I don't really like this type of sex, want more enthusiastic type sex
Had a talk (she initiated). She said things like "I don't like the new you"... Mostly STFU'd during her talking. She said she likes the things I do, but my "personality" isnt what she wants, says I cannot give a straight compliment to her, etc... She "doesn't like being treated this way", ultimately giving an ultimatum to me. I feel like I really failed this ultimatum shit test. I didn't really take it either way, (didn't respond to it)
In retrospect, I probably have been "too mean" and took the asshole too far, too fast without having the attractiveness to back it up. What I mean by "too mean" is I do make kind of mean (but teasing in my eyes) comments in non shit-test situations. I always try to deliver them with a smile, jokingly. I think she is used to being treated as a "princess".
I think I may be doing this as a response to a lack of perceived shit tests (I don't really get many shit tests, is this a bad thing?) I'd like to get more shit tests so I can get more practice at shooting them down
I asked her to write down a list of things she didn't like and give it to me (probably the biggest fuck up I've made all year)
As i'm typing this post it occurs to me this might be "bad alpha" and probably not attractive.
- Is this possible (too much asshole too fast)?
- Should I be delivering genuine compliments? I dont want to gush over her and compliment everything I see.
- I think I still have slight oneitis, this is a problem I am working through as well.
What course corrections, if any, should I make? Ideas:
- stop being such an asshole in unneeded situations (non-shit tests)
- how the fuck do I recover from this stupid list situation I've created?
Also: How to separate negotiating desire and stating expectations? Is saying "I want more enthusiastic sex" negotiating desire or stating expectations?
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