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"Do you want a divorce?"

Reddit View
March 23, 2016
6 upvotes

I occasionally get asked variants of "are you happy (in general) (with me) (with our marriage)?" but a few times it has been "do you want a divorce?".

Now I'm sure any talk of divorce means the boat has holes, but it's her asking me and not telling me, so I don't think the boat is sunk yet. Obviously she's thought of it, but probably not decided on it yet.

"Are you happy?" I see as a shit test. "Yep, I've got something fun planned for later/this weekend/with the boys" works as a response. She never asks this when she's happy, so she's expecting her negativity will be dragging me down. But it's not.

But "do you want a divorce?" normally comes after I've done something like go out with friends.

Is this a compliance test, to see if I'll stop my behavior under threat she'll leave me? If so "I wasn't planning on it, but if that's what you want, I'll go call that cute girl that we met tonight at the bar".

If this is a comfort test, that would be the exact wrong thing to say. A simple "I love you" and then change the subject would work much better.

What do you say?


Post Information
Title "Do you want a divorce?"
Author lionmenden
Upvotes 6
Comments 16
Date 23 March 2016 09:33 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit askMRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/207570
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/4bolw5/do_you_want_a_divorce/
Similar Posts

Red Pill terms found in post:
shit testcomfort test
Comments

[–]BluepillProfessorMod / Red Beret5 points6 points  (2 children) | Copy

Pressure flip: Do you?

A n A: If you are going to complain I guess that beats OJ Simpson's solution.

Nuke: The answer is no and we wil never mention the D word in this house again. Understood?

[–]mistaken4alpha0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Nuke: The answer is no and we wil never mention the D word in this house again. Understood?

Doesn't taking divorce as an option off the table take away some of the dread? My wife used to threaten me with divorce frequently... until two of her friends started going through divorces. Then it stopped pretty damn quick. I'd never threatened in all our relationship. Separation had always been off the table in my own head.

Looking back, our 'main event' was when I started apartment hunting in preparation for a trial separation and in an MC session the next day our marriage councelor agreed it was the best course of action.

Her hampster processing "Holy shit my husband is really going to leave me and a woman that is a professional relationship expert agrees with him." all night is what it took to initiate a U-turn in our marriage.

[–]BluepillProfessorMod / Red Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Not mentioning Divorce doesn't prevent you from sampling strange and that should be more than enough Dread.

[–]PurpleVeteranRed Beret5 points6 points  (1 child) | Copy

It's a comfort test. She's certainly not the one looking for divorce, but she sees you taking more time away from her, and it's firing up the hamster -- maybe he doesn't love/need me, maybe he's getting ready to move on, maybe he already has?

"Do you want a divorce?"

"No babe, I love what we got. Why, do you want one?" or "I spend time with my friends so that I can come back and enjoy my time with you even more."

[–]lionmenden[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

My thought as well. I normally use your first answer, so sounds like I'm doing ok.

[–]ArchwingerRed Beret5 points6 points  (2 children) | Copy

"If I wanted a divorce, I'd have served you the papers already."

The very notion that if you wanted to divorce her, you'd whine about it, talk about it, threaten it, and beg for her permission is ludicrous. It's a shit-test that she'd even suggest such a thing.

Of course you don't want a divorce, because if you did, you'd have already filed.

[–]lionmenden[S] 2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

I hate to ask a question and then argue with the answer, but I don't think this is a shit test.

I think it's either compliance (guilt me into changing) or comfort (she's worried I want to leave her).

Regardless, your answer works well for all three, so in this case it's a really good response.

[–]WillWorkForLTC2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

I think it's comfort. Makes sense that it happens when you get back from social scenarios that she wasn't a part of.

I feel like a lot of women get jealous or protective because they know some other woman might recognize her man is a prize and then pursue him. In that scenario there is nothing that can be done about it and that feeling of helplessness drives the her behaviour when you get back.

Man when she gets back thinks; "she better not have fucked any dick when she was out"

Woman when he gets back thinks; "I hope if he fucked a bitch that he's not going to commit any of his resources to that skank because his time and money belong to me and me alone."

[–]FearDearg2015Mod / Red Beret2 points3 points  (3 children) | Copy

Agree and amplify that shit? Act like she just suggested you go to Disney land? Get all excited about it, like a blushing bride. Lay it on thick. Plan the invitations and the cake and the big party with her. Ask her if she is gonna get down on one knee and beg for the divorce. Play that shit up dude. You know you are the prize. You know it's some form of shit test/comfort test /compliance test whatever the fuck. What does it matter to categorise or rationalise it? Act like she just made all your dreams come true. Exaggerate the fuck out of it. Make her laugh about it. Make it an "in joke" that you guys have together. Because if you can get it to that stage, then it's like an ace up your sleeve.

Wait for the next time she brings it up and play like Chad Thundercock who just bagged a 10

[–]lionmenden[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

A&A sounds like it could either go really well or really badly if it's a comfort test, although is the perfect answer for a shit or compliance test.

[–]FearDearg2015Mod / Red Beret1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I think if your goal is to "pass a test", you'll always be in her frame.

[–]Redneck001Red Beret1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Dude, hug your wife. And tell her "If I ever get to the point I want a divorce, I'm man enough to tell you. Well, after I hire the best lawyer in town and consult with every other divorce lawyer in the region."

Slap her on the ass and go about your day.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

It really depends on the tone used...

If its a "threatening" tone, address that crap as such.

my usual response is " I would have filed"

and my tone depends on her tone. If she is bitchy, I nuke it. If she is presenting her own insecurity I use a softer tone and add a kiss or an ass slap.

[–]Big_Daddy_PDX0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

If she's asking stupid questions like that after you simply go out with your crew, she's escalating from other areas in your relationship and isn't feeling your control. You need to shut her down. A good time to ignore that question completely and simply ask if she's on her cycle and offer to let her make a run to the store to get some women's medicine.

[–]BluepillProfessorMod / Red Beret2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

Or if you were tracking her cycle you could do a much better job.

Quickly check your iphone, if the period is nigh smile indulgently, rub her belly, and offer her a Midrin. If it is Ovulation week grab her in a hard hug, bite her ear and growl: "I am going to fuck that divorce talk out of you later tonight."

[–]SDSAM211 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Perfect BPP. You boiled down the essence of MRP's hard mode. It's AF/BB without the option of whimsical hard nexting your harpy ass bleeding bitch / CC riding egg layer.



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