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Her dinner with guy friend?

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January 9, 2016
8 upvotes

Hi guys, kinda new to all this. But it's funny, I feel like deep down I've always been RP... now it's time to figure out how to strip out all the artificial bp crap I've taken aboard.

And this brings me to my question: wife will be having dinner with a former co worker of hers. I barely know the guy and on paper, he comes of as a goofy loser. But as my eyes have been opening two things, I think he might be more of an alpha Buddha "free spirit" type.

As I think about it, Im not down with this dinner they have planned. But because I only rarely hear from him and have always been cool with her other male friends (who have always been mutual friends) I'm afraid I'll fuck things up by suddenly "getting paranoid" about this guy.

Anyway, from looking at her phone once I knew is that they mentioned getting food at some point. So, my plan was to wait for it to happen and just invite myself along and AMOG. Or, if she got weird about it, then deal with that situation (confident that there's no regular contact between them either, btw... maybe once every 9 months? )

Anyway, on Tuesday my boss decides to send my out of town for a night to a conference. I text my wife later to tell her that I'll be away but say, "ditch work and come with." I get back a "Yes!" but a minute later she says, "crap, I have to meet with Boss and Bosses Boss... and then i was gonna grab dinner with Guy Friend."

Fuck. My chance to AMOG is shot. But I just text back "haha have fun with Boss!" totally ignoring the mention of Guy Friend.

But since then my mind has been racing. Is Guy Friend a threat? Have I been too BP in this marriage? Is feeling threatened BP? Should I just "share my feelings" about this with her?

Fun fact, she's newly pregnant... as in, she took a home test the day before all this it was positive.... just days before it was negative. This was all planned and I'm thrilled. And no, I have total confidence that is mine since we spent December in the remote mountains with my family.

Anyway, my brain says to try to be, or at least appear to be, DGAF about the whole thing. And just focus on the future , career and continuing to lift. But can you DGAF too much? The anxious/nervous part of me is saying, "you gotta do this now!" Is that beta just conditioning or something more?


Post Information
Title Her dinner with guy friend?
Author FiduciaryOdyssey
Upvotes 8
Comments 33
Date 09 January 2016 05:53 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit askMRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/207752
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/4078u0/her_dinner_with_guy_friend/
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Red Pill terms found in post:
AMOGalphabetalift
Comments

[–]cholomiteMod / BP Downvote Magnet10 points11 points  (2 children) | Copy

Absolutely do not share your feelings with her about this. You made the right call ignoring it in the text as well. Since you're going to be away and there's no chance you can come along, your only play is to keep not giving a fuck. In fact, start giving less fucks than you ever have while increasing your SMV as much as you can. By not giving a fuck, you are displaying to her that you are high value. She'll pick up on your not caring as a sign that you have bigger and better things going on and her little friendly date isn't even worth mentioning by you. Make yourself hot and keep your game tight before you leave. Buy some new clothes and get a nice haircut or something. Whatever you can do to boost your SMV in the short amount if time you have.

When she's out on her dinner night, don't be blowing up her phone either. If she calls or texts ignore them or give very short responses. Find something fun for you to do where ever you are.

But above all else, don't talk about this to her. It's too late for you to put some boundries down without coming across as insecure and a beta. Any thing you say, other than "have fun", will make you look inferior to him in her eyes and will make him look more attractive.

To answer the rest of your questions, I don't know you enough to say whether you've been BP in your relationship. Yes, this guy friend and all her guy friends are potential threats. Unfortunately you can't kill him with a rock like in the old days, so instead you need to kill him with game, lifting, charm and charisma. He will kill you by making you jealous and insecure about him. That is how it works these days. Yes, it is BP to feel threatened but I don't think you'll find many people in here who have never felt threatened before, even after swallowing the pill. It's how you respond to that feeling that matters. Now start giving less fucks, go out and buy a cool new shirt and hit the gym. Good luck brother.

[–]Oddfiduciary1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Thank you for taking the time to respond. Is very much appreciated.

Have a fantastic weekend.

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (3 children) | Copy

Is this a joke. Please ..say it is. What married man in his right mind would consider this acceptable? Honestly?

[–]Oddfiduciary2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

That's the point. I'm not happy about this. Now what do? Is cholo's advice wrong? Should I say, "hey babe, I'm worried that you're trying to fuck this guy. I would like it if you didn't."

[–]BluepillProfessorMod / Red Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Should I say, "hey babe, I'm worried that you're trying to fuck this guy. I would like it if you didn't."

IF you can pull it off as a complete joke with total OI THEN you will be able to find out if "friend" brings the tingles because she will probably admit it- and may even be telling the truth- if she isn't worrying about being judged.

[–]BluepillProfessorMod / Red Beret2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

My wife is an attorney and has lunch with attractive, rich guys almost every day. Sometimes she even goes to the bar for company functions after work.

[–]Redneck001Red Beret2 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy

Fuck it. Concentrate on yourself. If your wife's going to cheat, I seriously doubt she's going to tell you the name of the dude AND the night.

She can have male friends. If your shit is tight, you're good. "He sounds like a nice guy. Have fun, blow him for me." And truly DGAF.

[–]Oddfiduciary3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

This is a good point. My ex who cheated on me did everything she could to prevent me from knowing who the guy was.

It's the slippery slope I'm afraid of. "Well you didn't care last time!"

[–]trp_dude0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Yeah, but what if his shit ain't tight? If he DGAF?

I have become a lot more wary of "male friends." I used to not give a shit, and trusted my wife completely, but no more now that I know AWALT. This guy is probably trying to get in her pants, that's a given.

[–]chief_slap_ahoe1 point2 points  (5 children) | Copy

IDK what is up with all the throwaway accounts. If you need help then ask for it. Fuck your ego. This throwaway shit is sad and useless. No one wants to help just because of that.

I'll give you a clue. It's funny that she is going out on a date when your going out of town. And it is a date. If their are any sexual feelings by either party it is a date. And the average man wants his dick wet all the time. She is "newly" pregnant. Meaning she just has her body and can fuck all night "RAW" without the worry of getting pregnant. Her hormones are all over the place. If she is like my wife she will want to fuck even more now.

[–]Oddfiduciary1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Because I'd rather not have a moment of blubbering insecurity associated with my public real name. That's not ego, that being smart.

At any rate, she had no idea I was going out of town that night. Unless, possibly, she got my CEO invoked in this who then told my boss to send me to the conference.

So, should I tell her, "hey, I think you are trying to fuck this guy, please stay home?"

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy

Don't feed the troll. She has spattered enough terms, like amog, but sounds like a clumsy child. Throwing the fact she's newly pregnant in there was the dead giveaway foe me. Girls who just got pregnant don't look for new cook.

There is no way a blooper didn't write this, to cluck to her hens about how bad we are, because that's the only way they will find it.

If this isn't a troll, the means he has put no effort into the sidebar, it's weak, insecure, but happy, doesn't add up.

[–]Oddfiduciary1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

I'm really disappointed by this. I've seen (and just received) some of the best advice out there for men on this forum. But because I don't want to use my real name, and use an iPhone to post, I'm a BP operative. Honestly, who gives a flying shit about TBP?

Anyway, I found TRP via MMSL 4 months ago. I figured out all the lingo in the first week. I've actually already read a lot of the sidebars material prior to even visiting.

But what I've never found a clear answer on its the proper balance of DGAF and mate guarding in a marriage. That's why I'm asking. I have this weird situation that just popped up that's forcing me to figure out that balance immediately. This is the 'new' part. Was hoping to hear from experienced guys.

I found cholo's post really helpful. Is he wrong?

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

nope

[–]Oddfiduciary0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Appreciated.

[–]Glenbert1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

I would err toward DGAF as cholomite said, OP.

I'm approaching this as an economist would, but I'm making one big assumption here: as she is "newly pregnant" you guys are millennials -- or at least she is a millennial... and so is her guy friend.

My wife is a millennial (I'm gen X) and I'm not sure if guys my age and older have any idea just what sort of a clown world millennials were raised in. They grew up in mix-gendered soccer teams, scouting troupes and even dorm halls with uni-sexed bathrooms. They have been programmed to believe that guy friends and girl friends are identical... even when they know its not true. They must pay homage to the clown world cathedral with platonic not-quite-dates. Friendships with with former co-workers are usually the easiest, non-skanky way to accomplish this.

That said, here's what my decision tree looks like:

  • You mate-guard and she has malicious intent = you only delay the inevitable and you reinforce his higher value over you... enjoy that time bomb.
  • You mate-guard and she has no malicious intention = you come off as insecure, unattractive and you've also now planted a seed that you think he has something you don't
  • You DGAF and she has malicious intent = well, give her enough rope to hang herself with and move on, fail fast as they say... I'd bet she'd terminate the pregnancy anyway
  • You DGAF and she has no malicious intent = everything cholomite said

But with the last outcome being the most favorable and most likely, you've still got to get this fixed. You fucked up by not getting to know your wife's flighty male friend. I mean even the white-knight/blooper/SJW knows that acquaintance rape is "a thing" and you should at least run the guys name against the sex offender registry. This is your wife... and now child, we're talking about.

Your crash-and-AMOG approach would have been what I did and you need to do that if there's a next time. For now, just follow what cholomite said and focus on the conference. But also, if you can, figure out who set up this thing, him or her -- that's not clear to me -- and it will tell you a lot about her intent.

My now-wife/then gf had a guy friend who I thought was pretty alpha because he was really good looking when we first started dating. He invited her out for brunch all the time and against by gut, I was DGAF about it rather than making it an issue. He soon proved to be a massively insecure pussy who wanted my GF to help him with his problems. She got totally disgusted by him and cut him out pretty quickly. Lesson: what men might perceive as alpha is irrelevant; it's the woman's opinion that matters. Good thing I didn't mate-guard.

Any chance this guy is like that? I can't imagine too many true alpha's have time for pregnant woman. But a beta in need of the sort of non-judgmental emotional tamponery that only a woman can offer... yup.

[–]Oddfiduciary1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

This is awesome, thanks! It was him that initiated. And you're right, I fucked up by not getting to know this guy. He just isn't around much so I've never cared and always saw him as low value.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

Assuming this isn't a troll... It is never appropriate for a married woman to have dinner with a man she's not married to, alone, just the two of them. That's a date. She's going on a date with him.

This isn't a business meeting with a current coworker or even a male superior. This isn't a group meeting with old friends from school. This is a date with a man she used to know from work.

She's being shitty.

[–]Oddfiduciary0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Sigh. It certainty feels like that to me. I really think, in her mind, it's no different than hanging out with a a college girlfriend. She's always been straight up about no exes, so in her head a non-ex who happens to be a guy is ok, I guess.

What do I do now though? As cholo said, it's too late to start throwing up boundaries. "Sharing my feelings" probably won't help either at this point. What specific action can I take... now or from now on that doesn't stink of insecurity?

On the positive she tried to cancel her work meetings so she could come with me. So, it's not that far gone.

[–]fakefalse0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

There is a lot about this in previous posts. You will have to dig, but it's there.

This is shitty on her part. It disrespects you. But you can't show butt hurt. You'll have to take your time with this. I'm sure she would not like it if you went out on a date with another woman.

Boudaries.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy

Nice try...

[–]Oddfiduciary1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

I'm sorry if I violated ToS, but I assure you, I'm no troll. Just an anxious dude seeking some solid advice anonymously. My normal reddit handle is my real name. Hence the throwaway.

The response from u/cholomite was so good that I had to come back in to thank him. Ban away if you need to.

[–]BluepillProfessorMod / Red Beret1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

We have had a huge influx of TBP the last couple of days so pardon our skepticism. Women with fresh buns in the oven usually don't act like this. I endorse cholo's answer as well.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

I disagree with cholomite only in this respect: I think you can say something about a wife going out for dinner with any man other than you. You get to say it only once, though. Say something like this:

"It's inappropriate and wrong for you to go out alone to a social function with any man other than me."

NOTE: You get to say this ONCE and only once for the lifetime of your marriage. Any more than that and you're beta, insecure and butthurt.

And then after you say it, you watch what she does. What she does will tell you how she views your marriage, and you.

And I don't believe a woman feels compelled to meet alone with men outside work, whether it be a male superior or male equal, or even a male subordinate. The modern workplace just doesn't work that way. There's no reason for a man and woman to meet alone outside work for the purposes of furthering company business. If a man at work ever suggests that a woman meet him alone outside work for ANY reason, all it takes is one call to HR to jam that guy up and fuck up his career. Because the truth is that one man and one woman having dinner together alone IS A DATE.

[–]Redneck001Red Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

"It's inappropriate and wrong for you to go out alone to a social function with any man other than me."

I tend to lean toward the "give no fucks, be awesome", but I like this. Lay down your law calmly one time.

Then, let her hamster go for a run.

[–]alpha_n3rd0 points1 point  (7 children) | Copy

One thing you could do is joke about it.

The other night I was being my cocky self and my wife was getting a little insecure and she was all like "you know I can get guys too, maybe I should go see soandso."

I'm like "Hahahah is soandso your new boyfriend?"

Her: "Maybe"

Me: "So tell me how you want soandso to do you. Standing up? Sitting down? His place or your place?"

Her: "Alpha Nerd! I don't like joking about this!"

Me: "One more question... SPIT OR SWALLOW?"

Her: "HAHAHAHA YOU'RE SO GROSS"

We had hot monkey sex later

I guess my point is if you're fucking her properly and clearly demonstrating your value and security then you ain't got no problem, Jules.

[–]Oddfiduciary0 points1 point  (6 children) | Copy

Yes, this is something that comes pretty easily to me most of the time... but I'm having a hard time thinking of how to do this without making it seem like it's been weighing on me.

On another note, I need to figure out how the whole pregnancy sex thing works.

[–]alpha_n3rd1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

"So which motel are you going to after dinner?"

I LOVE pregnancy sex. She loves it sometimes.

[–]anotherswingingdick-3 points-2 points  (4 children) | Copy

women talk, men act.

Get some divorce papers drawn up, and served on her.

I am not saying you have to complete the divorce. I am saying that you must lay down the law that she is not allowed to date other men - period. If she gets away with it this time, your position in this marriage is weakened FOREVER.

For best effect, drag out the process long enough so that ALL of her friends, family, and co-workers learn that she went on a date with another man - and that you wouldn't tolerate it. YOU be the one to tell them. Let her experience, how quickly all of her good-timing friends will throw her under the bus.

NO TALKING ABOUT IT WITH HER.

Have her served, by surprise, with divorce papers. Most ideally - when she's with this other guy.

And don't let her off the hook too soon. Let her spend several weeks having it sink in - what it means to be looking down a long, long hallway of being a divorced single mother.

[–]Oddfiduciary2 points3 points  (3 children) | Copy

This sounds overly dramatic. I hand her the papers and she'd say, "you know, you could have just joined us. It's not like I knew that your boss was going to send you to that meeting last minute."

How do I then climb back out of that hole by the time the baby comes? And plus, I've now fucked myself for whenever I need to network with a female contact in the future.

Had she planned this knowing I'd be gone or forbade me for joining them, then yes, I would be following your action plan. But I will be the one getting thrown under the bus if I blow up my marriage over a social engagement that I could have been a part of.

Besides, men who try to out-drama their wives without serious grounds for divorce tend to fair poorly in front of the judge.

I know you mean well, so thanks. But I'll stick with cholo's advice for now.

[–]anotherswingingdick-2 points-1 points  (2 children) | Copy

You invited her to travel with you. She found better things to do. You're not her top priority.

Your wife turned down a chance to spend a night fucking you, so that she wouldn't miss her date with the other guy.

Your post REEKS of being in her frame. You're worried about what she's going to say? Oh, did little boy get mommy angry at him?

PS: Paid process servers serve the papers. No drama, no discussion, no soap-opera.

One moment her pussy is getting wet from her date, the next moment she's looking at being a divorced single mom. She ain't gonna be laughing.

"Climb back out of the hole". She is in the hole.

Or she would be, if you had any frame.

You're very very afraid of your wife, aren't you?

[–]Oddfiduciary0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Your wife turned down a chance to spend a night fucking you, so that she wouldn't miss her date with the other guy.

Oh i see where your coming from... I'll take the blame for being unclear if this is what you thought was happening. It's not.

The primary conflict is her work meeting with her VP this afternoon. This is a seriously big deal and she cannot reschedule with this woman. The dinner thing was mentioned as ancillary, as if it was a yoga class... A yoga class that I was really insecure about.

She really wants to come with me, but it's just not going to work.

Since I posted this she's actively been seeing how she can join me tonight. I've seen her run Google maps from my office to hers and then to the resort in time to make my presentation. She's also been looking up bus schedules down to the resort.

Also unmentioned was another dinner date the next night with her girlfriend... who's also my friend independently, btw.

It's now really not feasible for her to join since I've just now learned I have to present earlier (I'm starting to think I'm covering my bosses ass for something).

I'm sure she's gonna keep her plans, but I have always been the priority for her in this scenario. But for all I know, she may have even cancelled her plans by now. I'm following the do not discuss advice.

I guess I'm really looking for "inner game" help here. If she were actively turning me down for this, I would even be posting here, I'd be going through the yellow pages.

[–]anotherswingingdick0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I guess I'm really looking for "inner game" help here

do you ever go to lunch with other women?

She thinks she's locked you down HARD with that Bun in the Oven.

I think she's correct.



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