STFU Fuckup

UEMcGill · 2015-12-18T08:00:28+00:00

These guys have given you good information, so I'll give you the "why".

Women seek intimacy via emotional connection. She got off work from a hard day and needed her stress relief. We fuck, they jabber. So give her what she wants. Be the oak in that windstorm. "Mmm hmmm babe", "oh that's terrible", "oh I can see how you feel that way". She wants validation. So when you were too silent, she shit tested you. Here a simple "if I have questions ill ask" would have sufficied. You haven't been doing this for awhile, so she needs guidance on what good behavior is during these kinds of exchanges. Sometimes you need to "surrender" to diffuse the situation.

She wants to verbally vomit so let her. Learn to direct the conversation by FOGGING, BROKEN RECORD, and the like. Let her go thru these emotions. If she tries to turn you into her emotional tampon, end the conversation; I usually do this with a kiss on the forehead and a quick "ok babe I love you" The key is, let her get it out, but don't let her turn you into her girlfriend with a penis. Err on the side of STFU if you have too.

enfier · 2015-12-18T04:24:43+00:00

STFU is the reaction to a shit test or an attempt to draw you into an argument. Your wife was venting (at first) and you were right not to follow up on the problem solving angle. What you could have done is distract her from it, maybe making a joke or reminding her of something happy. It's not your job to fix her bad mood, but if you can, changing the mood is always welcome.

Truthfully, you were going to be in an argument whether you liked it or not. Your wife was in a pissy mood and apparently shitting all over you is what happens next. There was nothing particularly wrong with your response, other than any perceived backpedaling.

In my opinion, once you got to the actual argument, you handled STFU perfectly. The idea is to let her tire herself out having an argument without a second participant. Sure you just stood in the corner and took punches, but can you imagine if every boxing match was like that? The sport would be a worthless bore and people would stop watching. When you can handle yourself with OI, you can just keep driving and have a decent time. It will be more like punching a brick wall than a punching bag.

Separate yourself just a bit from it. The argument is pointless. There's no benefit to winning. If you were watching a video of this, you'd probably even find it funny. At some point you'll just be able to laugh at it.

Nogoodsense · 2015-12-18T04:55:32+00:00

Well if STFU was your goal, you achieved it. but as others have said here, STFU is a response when she's attacking you with shit tests.

She wasn't shit testing (at first). She was venting her stress. You shutting up and listening was the right thing to do. Women very rarely want to have their problems fixed for them. They want to be listened to and commiserated with.

am I being too smart for you with medical terminology etc,

Not a shit test, but offensive. You could call her out on that.

maybe I'm boring you,

hamster spinning out loud.

your're not giving me your full attention

Assure her you are. That's all you have to do. To make doubly sure, ask her questions in relation to her rant.

I can't walk off because I'm driving

No need to walk off in this situation. She was venting and wondering why you weren't engaging in comforting her. Keep in mind there is a difference between comforting and trying to fix. You avoided the latter, but in doing so also failed to do the former.

punch after punch after punch

I really don't see where you think she was attacking you.

cholomite · 2015-12-18T03:47:20+00:00

You need to relax and mess around and tease her a little bit. Don't feel so "on-guard" about shit. Answer her questions sarcastically. If she asks why you're quiet make a joke or tell her her beauty left you speechless, or some cheesy shit. If you actually were listening (and more power to you if you were) make jokes and make her laugh by saying goofy and stupid stuff about her job.

In the end it doesn't really matter what you say as much as how you say it. If you truly don't care if she gets mad at you, you can mess with her, tease her, take some of the edge off of her or whatever. Girls know they ramble on and they know guys don't give a shit. What they want is a guy who has the balls to tell her he doesn't give a shit, or at least not get all defensive when she calls him out on it. The second you act defensive or guarded, she's going to smell the beta and kick it up a notch and go on the angry attack. If you dont give a fuck and tease or joke with her, she'll be mad but it's a good kind of mad.

Also, you were 100% right to not try to solve her problems. Make her laugh instead.

FearDearg2015 · 2015-12-18T07:46:52+00:00

Take the punches. Draw them in. Fog. Lower your defense shields. Stop seeing every interaction as some sort of epic battle where there will be a winner and a loser. Stop seeing it as a fight, or the prelude to a fight. Recognise that her emotional state is not completely dependent on you or your actions. You are not responsible for those feelings. You are just an easy target for her to vent at. Let her blow off some steam, let her get all that shit out of her system. Dont be a little bitch about it, but you dont have to react to it like the whole world is in jeopardy.

mrpCamper · 2015-12-18T19:00:50+00:00

obviously I can't walk off because I'm driving,

Yes, I have found that driving in the car is my weakest place. You can't hold yourself up to high standards. So forgive yourself if this is where you may have slipped. BUT, you know this now. This was probably a time to go for a "You're so cute." comment or some other tactic mentioned by others.

BluepillProfessor · 2015-12-18T20:14:09+00:00

Why would you want to 'walk off' if your wife is telling you about her day?

Actus Non Verba!

Take her hand in yours and reassure her that you WANT to hear her tell you about her day. Don't try to solve her problems! Definitely STFU about that!

For the most part, STFU is about YOU. It is about YOU not talking about YOUR emotions or dumping negative energy on your wife. SFTU is NOT about her. When she is opening up (assuming you are having sex regularly) it is critically important that you listen, nod affirmatively, and provide affirmation to what she is saying WITHOUT being judgmental.

lurkerlurkerstan · 2015-12-20T22:51:02+00:00

Thanks everyone your comments were very insightful. Obviously having the benefit of hindsight and a time machine is a wonderful thing but shit happens and what is done is done, having you gents looking at my little event from completely different perspectives helps me to learn a lot and also stop my own fucking hamster from spinning so for that I thank you. So much to learn but bring on the fucking challenge.

druganswer · 2015-12-20T01:47:56+00:00

You don't have to completely STFU lol, but:

your're not giving me your full attention

of course not, do you want me to crash? you just said becky in trauma is a complete moron.. I don't want my life in her hands tonight. (AA and see you were listening)

blah blah blah, she's used to you trying to throw your 2c into every problem she has, but she'll eventually get used to this. you're probably acting differently overall and she's starting to pick up on the vibe a bit.

Terminal-Psychosis · 2015-12-18T15:32:48+00:00

You got her out of bitching stage and she actually noticed you as a human?

Time for a kiss. Bring her back to what's important. Make her feel like a woman.

Title	STFU Fuckup
Author	lurkerlurkerstan
Upvotes	4
Comments	14
Date	December 18, 2015 2:04 AM UTC (10 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askMRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/3xajll/stfu_fuckup/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askMRP/stfu-fuckup.207809 https://theredarchive.com/post/207809

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