658,790 posts

Help me handle this one

by ex_addict_bro | November 09, 2015 | askMRP


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I'm divorcing (in a few weeks we have first hearing). I stay with her because flat's mine AND because law (I'm outside US).

  1. on Saturday I had a night out and slept somewhere else, left after kids were in bed, came back early morning before they got out of bed,

  2. next evening I'm doing homework with my 8-yr old son, wife comes and says something along "daddy slept at his girlfriend"

  3. I immediately start recording AND STFU

  4. she sees no reaction from me and leaves (she was looking for a conflict or my reaction like a junkie that day, this was not the only time she tried to get anything from me)

  5. next day I get a text that she's sorry and she should not say that, also she cleaned bathroom and kitchen.

Even if I read lot of shit recently I still have hard time with handling situations like this.

My goal: I'd like to both preserve my own dignity AND my kid's.

I feel an immense need to write her an e-mail about how sexualization of minors is wrong, that I can sleep anywhere I want and that what she tried to do is very wrong from the perspective of divorce AND the child's perspective, BUT what I feel is I need to consult you guys first.

Me - 1.5 yrs of lifting, dieting, currently during bulk, 5 yrs no alcohol, 4 yrs no cigarettes, currently getting rid of vidya (selling shit on eBay with no minimum bid), reading "WISNIFG" and "Stop care taking the borderline or narcissist", and yes, if you wonder where did I spent that night, I spent it at the exact place you think I did.

Post Information
Title Help me handle this one
Author ex_addict_bro
Upvotes 3
Comments 17
Date 09 November 2015 10:07 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit askMRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/207922
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/3s6v6m/help_me_handle_this_one/
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[–]toolatebutnexttime1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Don't know how it applies in your country but during my ex wife doing stuff like that with our kids helped me get full custody (in US). Make sure you tell your lawyer about her trying to poison your kids.

[–]ArchwingerRed Beret1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Record and document. Do not confront. It is more important now than ever that you do not conflict with her. Especially in a written communication like email.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

It's funny how guys are able to perfectly practice OI, abundance, and frame, once it's too late.

I don't care how you feel, you handled it like a boss. you shut up, turned on the recording device, and read a book.

[–]ex_addict_broRed Beret[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Too late for this relationship, why not. As for the rest of your reply, I'm not sure what's sarcasm and what not.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

It's just a funny realization about frame and OI.

it's all pretty sincere btw :) it's solid, you handled it as good as any

[–]BluepillProfessorMod / Red Beret1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

I feel an immense need to write her

Nobody cares what you "feel." You are a man. Make it like water off a ducks back and you will have it right. If you MUST confront her, perhaps a short text just to preserve the record?

On a side note: I have to point out how well our tactics work. Take note guys- dude is DONE, wife is DONE, marriage is OVER. He FINALLY gives the soon to be ex-wife some Dread and look what happens! She apologizes, cleans the house, and goes directly into mate guard mode. You can most likely get her to blow you tonight if you want :)

[–]ex_addict_broRed Beret[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

She (...) goes directly into mate guard mode.


You can most likely get her to blow you tonight if you want :)

How? Not that I want it (my dick is being sucked proper, no wife needed) - but please continue with that fantasy of yours.

[–]BluepillProfessorMod / Red Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Shit tests you then:

I get a text that she's sorry and she should not say that, also she cleaned bathroom and kitchen.

[–]rurpe2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

you can't control her. if she wants to poison your kids against you, she will. best plan is to STFU and only talk about logistics.

Also, not sure if fucking a new chick will negatively affect the outcome of your divorce. Your lawyer will know and you should ask them.

[–]strategos_autokratorRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Talk to your lawyer about this.

State boundaries about what is appropriate to discuss in front of the children, with the aid of the lawyer. Ask the lawyer how best to communicate these.

[–]RPcoyote0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Keep in mind you may be in a relationship with this woman for a long time as parents of same kids. So you want to have as balanced a mom for your kid as you can. Would you want to blast her when she is out of line like that? Sure. Will that help your long end goal. No. So as others have said treat all such behavior as evidence and ammo for you to get custody and if you don't an opportunity to educate and teach this woman the importance of your shared goal which is a healthy child. Explain to her that she should be able to handle herself like an adult and drop all passive aggressive shit like that.

[–]SexistFlyingPig-3 points-2 points  (6 children) | Copy

I don't see what the problem is.

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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