Wife doesn't shit test me

RPSigmaStigma · 2015-10-22T14:33:02+00:00

As some others have pointed out, maybe you're misinterpreting shit tests as comfort tests. Does she seem anxious, fearful or clingy when she's testing you? Those are usually comfort tests. But if she's needy, whiny, complaintive, snarky, or demanding, even if it's not directly aimed at you, then it's probably a shit test.

To illustrate, here is one of my wife's favorite shit tests:

She texts me just before I get out of work asking me to grab something from the store on my way home that she forgot, tells me what it is, but when I get to the store I find there are 2 or 3 different kinds of that thing. Then when I text her I don't get an answer. I used to sit and wait, standing in the isle looking like an idiot. I would even call several times with no answer. Then I would just pick one of them, and when I got home, she would get really upset, but not by getting angry at me, but she would act like dinner was ruined get all sad and mopey. On the surface it looks like a comfort test because I used to always try to comfort her and reassure her that dinner will be fine or that we can just order a pizza. But the shit test happened when I agreed to go to the store after a long day at work instead of telling her "tough shit, I'm ordering a pizza."

She hasn't done this in a while, mostly because it stopped "working". It's a basic manipulation where you set someone up to disappoint you so you can make them feel guilty and work harder to show "love". I think you should take some time to really think through some of the "comfort" tests you think she's giving you and ask "what does she get out of it".

Another example is that she used to poke her head in to my home-office while I was in the middle of something, and with a sweat, almost coy voice say "honey, you want to tuck me in and lay down with me for a minute?" It's one of those "ugh..." moments where you feel obligated and bothered that she would impose on you like that, but you feel guilty saying no because she's being so sweet and just wants you to cuddle with her to make her feel "loved". It's a shit test. She's testing to see if you'll drop whatever you're doing at her command. The sweat, coy voice is a cover and a manipulation.

Now I just respond in an overly-sarcastic, playful tone "nah, I'm good thanks, I decided I don't like cuddling with you anymore" and blow her a raspberry. She immediately brightens up with a grin she can barely hide and crosses her arms trying to pretend to be offended with an exaggerated and playful "humf! Why are you so mean to me. You know, you're supposed to be nice to me, that's what husbands are for!" To which I retort, "well, you know what wives are for?" in a wink-wink kind of way. Then she'll put on a cutesy, innocently seductive look, or she'll come over to grab my crotch or something.

You see the difference? Before I would comply, stop what I was doing, tuck her in like a fucking child, and cuddle with her for a few minutes before trying to sheepishly "make a move" only to get turned down with "I'm sorry babe, I'm just not in the mood, I just want to cuddle". Now I turn those shit tests in to dirty, slobbery, down-right whorish blow jobs.

Comfort tests happen when you're so alpha that she's starting to get paranoid that you're cheating on her or thinking about leaving her for another woman. You'll know you're being comfort tested because she'll be blowing you and fucking you with great enthusiasm for a while only to collapse in frustration and anxiety, confessing that she feels like it's "never enough for you" or that she feels "inadequate". Those are comfort tests.

If that's not what's going on, you're probably being manipulated in to failing shit tests that she's cleverly disguised as comfort tests.

irateMD · 2015-10-22T11:03:48+00:00

I haven't figured out from your posts if you're having fun with your wife. Presumably you enjoyed her company at one point. If you're miserable and insecure, she'll be miserable, insecure, and will throw up comfort tests. If she has an ounce of empathy then your emotions will be contagious.

FearDearg2015 · 2015-10-22T12:29:06+00:00

Maybe you have the opposite problem from some other new guys in that you see everything as a comfort test, where other guys see everything as a shit test? If you are responding to real shit tests as if they are comfort Tests, then that would potentially be something to look into.

Give us some "comfort test" field reports of recent ones you've noticed and maybe we go can at least rule that out.

The_Litz · 2015-10-22T22:49:31+00:00

You can fail.shit test you are not even aware of. Your interaction with the world around you requires that you stay in your frame.

The dog pissed in the house? You bitch and whine about the dog. She sees you pulled out of your frame. Shit test failed, even if she had nothing to do with it, she notes the result.

Bad day at work? Dumb or rude waiter? Idiot driving in front of you? Each loss of frame is the equivalent of failing a shit test.

stonepimpletilists · 2015-10-22T12:33:08+00:00

You really make her sound like a catch. Do you hold her to any standard? Does she meet any? Are your worth even having one to have?

I think not getting shit tests is the least of your problems

ZeeyardSA · 2015-10-22T12:50:02+00:00

Oh she shit tests all right but in her own way. I also though my wife did not shit tests me but it becomes clearer in time. I got tested in different ways and not in the manners that guys here usually get tested

RedDeadWolverine · 2015-10-22T13:31:16+00:00

Where are you at physically? Your SMV vs hers? If she doesn't see you as sexually viable and she has no other options she's going to be disconnected. No shit tests, just comfort to make sure she still has a roof over her head. Is your low libido just with her? Are you jerking off to porn? If so fucking stop it.

Alphabeta40 · 2015-10-22T14:14:41+00:00

I also have had trouble identifying shit tests vs comfort tests or if what she is doing/saying is either. I have noticed that she is constantly trying to pull me into her frame. I see this as a kind of shit test.

I used to fall for it hook, line and sinker. Her interrupting, changing the subject or endlessly talking about what she wants/cares about.

Now I just keep talking when she interrupts. She will stop and listen.

I bring it back or continue if she changes the subject.

BluepillProfessor · 2015-10-22T21:11:16+00:00

now I'm wondering if the lack of shit testing might actually mean she doesn't even think I'm worth shit testing.

She is not conscious about that fact and that now gives you the advantage.

irateMD · 2015-10-22T14:54:04+00:00

Low libido = low testosterone. Low T is the smell of death to a high value woman. She can smell it on you a mile away. It leaves her unattracted to you. Work on raising your levels naturally and if that fails choose the T therapy route. Raising your T , naturally, involves both the mental and the physical. Simple things like asserting yourself, commanding versus asking, lifting your posture from a slump to upright and straight, holding eye contact with all those you meet etc.. will help with creating a dominant mindset which in turn will help actually help to naturally lift your T. However there are physical factors at stake that you might need to address. These include but are not limited to diet, health etc.. This might require a holistic medical approach. That will require on your part research and a plan to fix it. A good resource about this topic is the blog Iron & Tweed. Read that guys story it might help you.

Title	Wife doesn't shit test me
Author	BetaFeelz
Upvotes	3
Comments	21
Date	October 22, 2015 10:37 AM UTC (10 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askMRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/3pr9ri/wife_doesnt_shit_test_me/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askMRP/wife-doesnt-shit-test-me.207993 https://theredarchive.com/post/207993

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