29, 4 years with my lady, 3 of them cohabitating. As I get closer to wanting to get married, I can't stop thinking that I need to jump ship.
I've always had a generally red pill mentality, I've read TRP & MRP for months for advice, and today am reading AskMRP's sidebar when it occurs to me: maybe none of this shit is working because it just doesn't apply.
I have frame. I am the captain. I am the masculine figure in her life, and she shows me her devotion almost all the time. She tells me she would do anything for me, often expresses that she worships me. Also: cooking, cleaning, she sews and fixes my clothes, she's very handy and often engaged in little projects to fix up our house, etc. The sex in the beginning was great, it still can be good (at least it was once, three months ago) lately it has been in the dumpster; she promises she wants to do better but is just too depressed right now. Honesty: i've been compensating with daily pirn.
Sex issue aside, and that is a huge problem but nonetheless I have no desire to jump ship. She is the greatest woman I've been with, I trust her 95%, she has never violated her loyalty to me.
But she was diagnosed depressed as a teen and has been on antidepressants for like 10 years. No matter how good I can get her to feel, or how good our life is going at any given moment, she is prone to fall into deep depression.
I personally think the 'depression' is just a defensive mechanism. Whenever I encourage her to get active or cheer up, she accuses me of not believing her depression is real, says its a disease, she can't help it, and this is the way she is. Symptoms: watching television for hours, being miserable, zero libido, whining self-pity, bitching over nothing.
GF knows I'm deeply concerned about the long term effects of the drugs on her brain, so 'she' decided to reduce her dosage by half. It made her feel a bit off at first, but she has since totally adjusted.
To come back to MRP, despite all the positives above, here is what I don't trust: I don't trust her long-term to be a positive, stable presence in my life or in the lives of the children I would like to have. She is my ideal wife when she's doing well, but when she's a depressed basket case, I am pretty much terrified of being trapped with her.
I am applying more and more RP to my life every day, esp. with the lifting. You guys are so fucking right about that -- you need to fucking lift. But it hasn't changed the frequency of her depressive periods. I am coming to doubt RP strategy could really help mold her into the woman I want, because I just don't see what I've applied in recent months changing this core problem.
To clarify, I don't want to break up. I don't want to cheat. I don't believe I could find another woman who fits my personality so perfectly. But I can't see us getting married in current conditions.
TL;DR: I have seen RP make her more responsive, more helpful, more obedient, more loyal as a partner, but I can't get her to drop the never-ending pessimism, have a normal libido or be the stable person I can trust with my future family.
Looking for thoughts and advice. Thanks
Edit: Really taken aback by the depth of insight this sub has given me, and very grateful. Rather than thanking everyone, just saying thank you right here. I knew posting this I was exposing areas of thinking that were defective, but had to seek input from others to understand where the defects were.
At this point still processing all of your comments so I don't a coherent response, just definitely planning to do more reading from the sidebar, lifting and taking action to get me out of this mess.
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