Things are going great (knock on wood). I'm growing and my wife is more and more attracted to me. Sex is up. I'm lifting, which ups my testosterone and makes me sexualy aggressive.
So, my problem is that after I blow my load, the drop is so significant that I slip. I get cuddly and very beta to a fault. I even get the vibe from her that it's too much.
Example. I blew my load on her face. Everything was excellent and awesome. 3rd time this year. Best one yet. Problem is, the moment I'm done, I get this huge wave of guilt, like I'm some kind of monster. Sure, I catch my breath and a wave of happiness flows through me, but then the secondary thoughts flood in. Hell, within a couple breaths, instead of letting the moment sit and enjoy the awesomeness, i tear off my pants and wipe her face off and step away all jittery and weird like I'd done something bad. She is laughing at this, obviously enjoying herself, but my old blue conditioning has me feeling anxious and jittery instead of calm and cool.
She made a joke to help reassure me, so i walked over the the wall behind her and as I'm wiping a couple spots off the wall, i tell her "were obviously getting better at this" and she burst out laughing at my quick recovery.
So I'm getting better, but what the hell is it with the immediate aftermath of blowing my load. It's like i regress. I don't want to be an asshole, but i know my feels are too strong in the aftermath.
Tell me your experiences or notions on this.