Decided between career and relationship at 22

TempestTcup · 2017-01-23T00:10:49+00:00

You don't sound very excited about being in a relationship with him; it sounds like he is just the best man you have met so far. If you aren't absolutely crazy about him, then break up with him now, and don't string him along with a LDR; make a clean break.

ThatStepfordGal · 2017-01-22T12:06:14+00:00

What really sticks out to me the most is that marriage is a priority for you, which is fine, but it isn't for him. I think he is too much of a risk to have a relationship with once you take the job because of his mindset.

You're still young, don't waste your 20s on somebody who can't settle down after that many years that you've been together. Use these years wisely.

Though hey, I'm not even married yet, so maybe some more experienced RP women here might be able to help further.

[deleted] · 2017-01-22T15:47:09+00:00

Take the job and make a clean break. You're 22 and have a lot of opportunities in front of you. While I know that you have history with this guy, when he says that he wants to get married at 30, "because that's when he will be ready" without mentioning you or any other details (I want to be steady in my career/financially stable to support a family/have a house/car/dog first) is a huge flag. Unfortunately, he is probably just giving you that line to apease you.

Relationships that carry over from college are hard, and fall into one of two groups: those who get married within 2 years of graduation and those who break up within a year of graduation. Being in you're early 20s, out of the bubble of university and in the real world, is really scary. There is no denying that. People try to hold on to relationships that are naturally coming to an end because it's familiar and makes the world seem less terrifying because you're not completely on your own.

There is a huge chance that he is keeping you around because it's convenient for him. Nothing more. Nothing less.

So you have two options:

a) break up now and move on. You're going to a new city with a new career where you can meet new friends and enjoy life. You can enjoy being wooed and courted.

b) be dumped in a year and have to pick up pieces. But before that, you'll continue to grow resentful over the SMV and RMV difference.

Choose Plan A. I was in a very similar situation after graduating and stuck around in a relationship until I got dumped out of no where when I was 22. He even used the same line about marriage. Don't waste your time with someone like that. Nothing that you do will change him. Its time to close that chapter of your live and move on to new beginnings.

Camille11325 · 2017-01-22T21:11:31+00:00

Don't marry anyone you aren't head over heels for and by your account, he doesn't measure up and hasn't indicated he wants to marry you.

The fact that you are aware and critiquing the relationship in such clinical bulletined terms means you yourself are not in love or lust and are just ticking off marks on a list. Why waste the time and risk on permanent commitment if you are not completely obsessed?

Camille11325 · 2017-01-22T21:23:25+00:00

Part of me believes that if we are meant to be, we will end up together

This is not how things work. People are not "meant to be together". They fall in love and decide to be together.

Just four days ago you were on here talking about how you're already looking on dating sites for someone older and more established in your new city.

You're not in love with this guy and vice versa. Let him go. If you're as hot and smart and amazing as you say you are, you'll find another one in no time.

[deleted] · 2017-01-22T14:56:23+00:00

My SO and I are a couple years older than you but REALLY not much Because we both just finished grad school in the last year. We have been together a year and a half and have been living together for six months. We have talked about it and plan to get engaged at the end of my SOs contract (another year and a half), after that my SO could end up anywhere in the country. I set a hard limit that I will not move for my SO without a solid commitment, which is why my SO proposed engagement at the end of the contract. My SO and I both are already saving for moving expenses and a house.

Edit: all that to say, you can not be ready right now but still have a concrete plan in lace and take steps toward building your lives together. It doesn't sound like you two are doing that, and TempestTCup pointed out a lot of the red flags in your comment about the relationship and your investment to it.

timeforstretchpants · 2017-01-22T18:40:19+00:00

Since it sounds like that's the only job offer you have at the moment, and since you're financially responsible for yourself, take it. It seems like you don't think of yourself as an adult, so some distance will help you establish yourself.

xBreakFreex · 2017-01-22T20:21:42+00:00

You basically laid it all down for him. And he was not ready to commit, but in "8 years maybe he'll be ready" at 30. He probably is just hanging on because the relationship IS comfortable. Go pursue your career for a while, save your money, date men.

bunniebell · 2017-01-22T12:35:21+00:00

It's important that your significant other put you and your wishes first, reasonably, above anything else. It's a red flag to me when men say they can see themselves getting married nearly a decade from now, especially to a woman they've dated for years already. I suspect you feel that way, too. There are several possible reasons for that, though. He may want to own a house before marriage, perhaps make a certain salary, etc.

Communication & compromise is key. His response to the job offer news will tell you all you need to know. A Captain, per red pill definition, will fly himself and his first mate as smoothly as possible, but always with a destination in mind--and that destination will be found together. He & his first mate may have to to take separate flights to reach that destination, as life is not easy, but a trustworthy captain will ensure the relationship stays intact.

My answer isn't cut and dry, but neither is this situation. If I were you, I would share all information with him, and take what he says at face value. I also was dating someone I thought would be the best I would ever have at age 22...but I was so wrong (and thank god). If a man didn't make me & our relationship his number one priority, I would leave. You think now that you'll never find his equal...but you are selling yourself short! You work in engineering! There are many eligible, attractive mates in that field.

Title	Decided between career and relationship at 22
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	6
Comments	35
Date	January 22, 2017 11:51 AM UTC (9 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWives
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWives/comments/5pgjyl/decided_between_career_and_relationship_at_22/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWives/decided-between-career-and-relationship-at-22.209198 https://theredarchive.com/post/209198

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