Am I just jealous?

letsberealforamoment · 2020-08-31T15:07:07+00:00

STOP.

You are playing a willing part in this LVM love triangle. He is manipulating YOU, and listening to his self serving narrative about how 'awful' she is. If she is so awful, then he can break up with her without any help from you.

THere is no approaching. And you two aren't friends either since you both have hidden agendas. THis is dysfunctional. BLock and delete.

eveninghope · 2020-08-31T15:11:35+00:00

Sis sort your shit out. He's using you as an emotional crutch bc he's not together enough to get out of this relationship himself. They're both toxic people and the fact that you're letting him use you suggests you also have unaddressed issues. It's one thing to have a friend vent to you about their relationship problems, it's another when it causes you emotional pain.

2020-08-31T15:38:58+00:00

[deleted]

Summerisle7 · 2020-08-31T15:46:28+00:00

Mind your own business. And don't believe everything a man tells you. Also, read the handbook.

2020-08-31T15:51:23+00:00

He knows you’re into him so he’s downplaying his relationship with her in order to keep you as an option. Notice how he hasn’t actually left her.

Read the handbook. You’ve got pickmeisha traits, but that’s okay. We can work on that. :) Level up with us and I promise you your dating life will improve drastically.

Edit in response to your comments: whether or not she’s terrible is irrelevant. If he was that into you, he wouldn’t have left you. He likes her better than you, and you need to stop pining. All this mental energy and time could be spent finding someone who is excited to be with you, you know?

fim_de_semana · 2020-08-31T15:50:36+00:00

How much is he paying you for the therapy sessions?

2020-08-31T16:08:25+00:00

I would stay out of it. Don’t be his therapist, his shoulder to cry on...he chose her over you, and I bet he’s coming to you with his problems to see if you are still into him or going to be jealous to boost his ego.

FurryBellyButt0n · 2020-08-31T16:18:24+00:00

Hi OP, I want to be clear but kind with you. With that said, it is going to be very honest and may come across as harsh, however, it would not be helpful or kind for me to lie to another person to make themselves feel better:

So here are the concerns and observations I am making based on the information you presented in this post as an outsider looking in...

Your "closer friend R" is not really your friend. You had a previous romantic relationship with him which means there is a past sexual and romantic history there, yet he decided to demote you to "his friend" so he can string you along then have the audacity to suggest sex/relationship or other BS he expects you to do for him as a "backup" because he doesn't value you as a human being. If he did value you as a human being and not a sex object, he wouldn't find it fair or ethical to keep you in his world because he knows that he wants to keep you around in case things don't work out with that other girlfriend. Most healthy happy marriages or long term relationships RARELY have men being friends with women that are not their wife...(men that are HVM at least)
If he wanted to be your friend first, he would have done that first. Instead he dated you on/off, put you through emotional roller-coaster, and feels it's okay to make YOU FEEL "not enough" to be his girlfriend to wear at your self-esteem and self-worth so he can continue to have power over you by "being your friend" now. That's not a friend. That's a toxic person.
He is sharing these "relationship concerns" with you as a manipulative bait to see if you would allow him back so he can have free sex from you for awhile, string you along, see if you still have feelings, and take advantage of your feelings towards him. He knows this. Hence why he felt it was important to share with you so he can see what he is able to get away with from/with you.
He doesn't seem like a good friend (all other factors aside) given he only comes to you when he wants something from you. Is it that you really want to "be there for him" or that you feel like you need to "prove" to him that you are "there" for him to get his validation since he rejected you so many times on/off again and you want it to work this time to "win" something? TBH it sounds like you just want to "be there" to "win" his affections back and that's not healthy at all. That's not even friendship on your end--that's low self-esteem! Do you really think that low of yourself to settle for this type of "friendship" with a person who is deliberately trying to use you?

I mean this with love and know deep down you are really wanting to follow this path and FDS. Please read The Handbook. It's clear you still need support in understanding the content and we are here to help. With this said, you are very jealous and have some self-esteem and self-worth issues that are deeper than just a FDS sub.

This is some therapy shit and taking a break from dating shit. This is working on yourself shit.

The one thing you need to unlearn now that you are self-aware, is that this "girlfriend" is not an enemy, but a person that is being groomed by the same LVM that you had dated.

This LVM is no fucking prize. He is constantly testing the waters to see "options" with past relationships and girls while he is actively dating another woman to line up options to get his dick wet! That's anything but healthy! You should not feel jealous of THAT shit as it's heartbreaking for a woman to not be aware of how toxic their LVM is if they do not know, and I don't understand how you can endorse pining for a person that is that shitty given how much fuckery they are trying to pull with you and their current GF.

Instead of tearing down another woman and noting how "awful" or "toxic" she is and empathizing with a covert narc LVM, spend that time away from him (block/delete) and get into some therapy or find some support. That will enhance your life for the better.

If not, you will continue to feel jealous and seek advice. The patterns will stay the same. Time will drag on and it will become less and less cute. You have the power to make a change and I commend you coming here for the tough love you need in this moment.

Best of luck and know FDS is here, but part of this process is holding yourself accountable.

Title	Am I just jealous?
Author	i_just_like_bread
Upvotes	0
Comments	9
Date	August 31, 2020 2:17 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/ijysbp/am_i_just_jealous/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/am-i-just-jealous.212950 https://theredarchive.com/post/212950

Comments