Hi RPW! I would love it if this community could help me figure out how to improve my vetting process. I’ve been a regular here for about three years ( most of that under a different username) but for the vast majority of that time I was single and focused on working on myself. I definitely believe this sub is a lifesaver for self-improvement. While my most recent relationship did unfortunately end recently, it was by far the healthiest and most mature I’ve had, and I owe that all to RPW.

So what’s the problem? I’ve focused so hard on improving myself that I’ve put almost no effort into practical vetting methods. In December I ended up in a relationship with a wonderful man. He was caring, generous, smart, family oriented, funny, very much my physical type, and we got along very well. But unfortunately he was definitely not captain material and I let the relationship go on longer than I probably should have because his personality was so great. I won’t go too deeply into the issues because I don’t want to badmouth him, but being completely unwilling to hold down a job, and regularly ghosting me for a week plus at a time were the straws that broke the camel’s back.

So now I’m single again (as of less than two weeks ago, so it’ll be a little bit before I date again) and I need help figuring out how to vet. What sort of things should I even look for? Obviously sometimes a guy being a wonderful person just isn’t quite enough if he isn’t willing to get his life together. But I’m the sort to always see the best in people. I’ve always loved the idea of being a guy’s biggest fan and supporting him while he makes his way up from the bottom, even before I was red pilled. But where do you draw the line between supporting a guy through hard times and just enabling him? Having your life completely together is not a requirement for me. Being willing and on the path to getting it all together definitely IS but how can I tell the difference?

Thanks for any help you can give, I’m feeling pretty discouraged and frustrated.