• What is the problem, and what do you think is the root of the issue?

I have recently moved into my boyfriend's studio apartment, we're both mid 20s, I'm in the middle of a job search, he's still in school. We are on the waiting list for a bigger apartment, which should take a few more months, however as this is the first time we're cohabiting I want us to start off on the right foot; this has proven trickier than I anticipated. That is because this month coincides with him being very stressed and busy with a very important project at university; he is a very ambitious, hardworking and smart man, however he is also a procrastinator, so he needs the pressure of a tight deadline to really give his all. Now that he does have a tight deadline, his project has taken priority over anything in his life, including our relationship.

I appreciate him making room in his place for me, and he appreciates my physical presence at his place (one of the main reasons he wanted me to move in was to have this guaranteed sense of physical closeness/knowing we will fall asleep next to each other at night, which I find very heartwarming).

However, there have been some tensions which I feel are causing my not-so-best-self to come out lately. For example, I have noticed that even though we split the grocery bill, he eats two thirds more than what I eat - this has resulted in me spending more on food than usual, while eating less. Not sure how to navigate this, as I also currently have a slightly higher income than him, so I feel like it would be stingy to ask him to pay most; however, it's not exactly pleasant to come home at night and find that he's eaten through most of the food.

There have been no date nights, as he said he doesn't have time, even if I suggest something - however if his friends ask, he is always up for going with them. Last week, we had a date set up, but then he decided to go there with his male friend, and upon realizing he was supposed to go with me, he also invited me along, but it made me feel uncomfortable and as if I was interrupting their 'guy time'. His male friends also follow TRP, and have in the past mocked him for being with me, as they perceive me as 'locking him down' before he can live out his youth and bachelorhood. He has defended me, as he is a family-minded man, but also appreciates TRP's self-improvement mentality.

Regarding household, he doesn't do the dishes, or the laundry. I tried asking him, and he postponed it until he forgot about it. Now, I would be fine with temporarily taking over these chores, but I don't want him to come to take it for granted - so I am not sure how much of these chores I should do.

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  • How have you contributed/attempted to mitigate the problem?

There have been instances where I came across as nagging and upset - which I really, really, do not want to be, but in order not to be that way I feel like need him to keep at least some of his 'boyfriend' duties (dates or sex or being generous, anything that can help put me in a submissive mood). We have never argued - and I try not to show my resentment, but there have been times when I had to go to the bathroom to cry because it got too much.

I do cook sometimes - but not each day, as sometimes the pile of dishes he makes is so large that it just totally puts me off, and the only way to not get angry and resentful is to ignore it. When I do cook, I make nutritious meals that he really enjoys.

I've done his laundry last week, which he loved, and called me 'wife material', but still he apologized that I had to do it (we live in a very feminist country and it's expected to share these chores equally). I'm not sure if I should do it again this week?

Sex and BJs are on tap - however he doesn't take up on the offer so often anymore, and I have tried initiating last week, but was met with rejection - which despite being polite and apologetic, still hurt me a lot. We are usually a very sexual couple and I am the only woman he can finish with - so it is a blow to my ego to see our frequency go from daily/every other day to once/twice a week. However, I figured it's a bigger blow to his ego to have to turn down sex, so now I try to not pressure him sexually but still be flirty/charming when we hang out at home.

I have tried keeping more busy, as my friends have the feeling that he is taking me for granted since I seem to be waiting on him hand and foot. I am active, and go to the gym to keep in shape. We used to go together, but his TRP friends 'stole' him from me and he's changed gyms to work with them instead. Generally, I try to do interesting stuff during the day so that we have stuff to discuss when he comes home.

Despite these little problems, he is a great person and we both want to make this work in the long run - he seems to be unbothered by most of the issues above, and keeps talking of our future, when we will go on dates, and holidays, and we'll both have awesome careers etc. Which makes me hopeful that this is only temporary. Technically, it is two more weeks until his deadline. So I am really hoping that all these issues are temporary and will get better when he ends this project - but what if it continues beyond that?

As the partner of someone who is growing towards a high-stakes career, I want to show him that I can add value to his life when he's busy.

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  • What is your current relationship status and length of time?

We have known each other for almost two years, and have been together since last autumn. Our values and aspirations align pretty well, and I have a lot of respect for him and his ambitions, as he inspires me to step up and improve myself, too. I have met his family and extended family, and he has expressed that this is a serious monogamous relationship to him and that once we get somewhat secure and established in our careers, he would like to start a family together.

I would love to hear stories of ladies who've gone through similar struggles/how you solved it, all advice and perspectives are welcome!