Embracing the black hole

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April 19, 2019

Hey folks, passersby or whoever has a glance at this post. I find these small things like writing help me feel like I'm making some kind of connection out there..

Anyway, I've been feeling kinda weird lately. I feel like I'm in the depth of a black pit, that I've probably dug for myself by being 'always there for and willing to help' people, being needy and refusing to get my own needs met because of a completely wrong and disfunctional mindset. I've been working through various material recently and have caught a glimpse of the future me. The thing is, I realise that I'm sitting in the bottom of a hole but seem too content and at peace with it. I'm fluctuating between throwing myself off of a bridge and driving forward to where I want to be and throwing everyone else aside.. My biggest problem is feeling like I can't connect with people.. Man, this mental shit is hard.

I have another issue here that I'd like some advice on too. I had an argument with my wife the last night we were staying in my brothers house. We were being a bit loud, he came down from bed and started shouting and I just sat there looking at him. I would destroy him in a fight, I'm 6'3" and have done muay thai for years, so didn't react. The day after, my wife started winding me up saying that I wasn't such a big man and that pissed me off. So recently, whenever I meet my brother I wind him up to see if he will get angry again and try to talk to me the way he did that night so that I can beat the shit out of him... Is this wrong? I think I'm mentally fucked and need some sort of respite to get my head in order....

Post Information
Title Embracing the black hole
Author elstano
Upvotes 7
Comments 25
Date 19 April 2019 12:20 AM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit askMRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/226969
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/besujl/embracing_the_black_hole/
Similar Posts

[–]screechhaterRed Beret10 points11 points  (0 children) | Copy

Get your ass into the fucking gym. Lift and reflect. Box and remind yourself, discipline in all interactions with lesser qualified opponents is not a challenge.

You crossed a boundary at your brothers house, he called you out Got it ?

She has little respect for him, obviously. Don’t go there. That is operating in her frame.

Dark hole ? Lift. You obviously are challenged in your apparent need to view people “liking you” by serving them, but coming to realize there is little for you.

Remember this. You are here for you and the oxygen mask must be placed on your face first, then others.

Take care of your needs first, then others, if they actually need something

Lift and read the sidebar.

[–]SBIIIRed Fucking Commando5 points6 points  (5 children) | Copy

You're a fucking pussy who is afraid of taking ownership of your own problems and prefer to either drown them in alcohol or blame them on your wife.

So your life is shit - what are you doing about it?

I need to resolve the emotional clusterfucks that made me turn to alcohol. I need to answer the question, What am I so terrified of that I feel the need to drink myself into oblivion and out of reality?

Drinking away your problems. I'm sure that helps a lot. You'd rather embrace the black hole than to climb out of it.

When you are sober, how do you deal with your emotions?

I can't talk to her. She refuses to talk through stuff like this. Her go to response is, 'yeah, you're always right and I'm always wrong'. She uses this as a reply to everything I try put out there and discuss and keeps repeating it until I give up. It usually ends up that I make amends after every argument even though I know I shouldn't.

I see... you use your wife as an emotional tampon. Pouring your shit onto her, hoping she'll soak it up like a human sized sanitary pad. I bet she loves that shit...

she has a habit of taking thinly veiled digs at me in front of other people. She wasn't like that before we got married. We used to joke around a lot and it was playful. It just gradually happened over time. Don't get me wrong she is great a lot of the time. It's just when we are in public and around other people she pushes my buttons.

Really? I wonder why? What are you going to do about that?

It may mean divorce eventually, and if so, then so be it. I've actually become ok with that mentally if it has to happen.

Ah yes - divorce her. Good call. That will fix all your problems. After all, she is the root cause of your problems, isn't she? I mean it's nothing to do with the fact that your drink yourself to oblivion and blame others for your emotional states.

Do you perhaps have any other issues?

It might get better, it might not, but it's a financial decision at the moment to stay.

I see. So you are a broke ass motherfucker, on top of being a drunk who can't control his emotions. Nice.

The suicidal thing is partially true. I have contemplated taking that final step,

.. oh, and you also think about killing yourself. The ultimate way to continue avoiding your problems I suppose. Bit of a pattern going on here.

It sounds weird in my head as I'm typing this but I don't really care what she does, I just want to shed this nice guy, doormat persona and burst forth as someone who finds something to be passionate about for myself and fuck anyone who doesn't like it..

And yet you consider yourself a Nice Guy who has to break free from others holding you back?

Fuck off.

You aren't a nice guy. You have no money, are alcohol dependent and dump all your shit onto your wife.. all in an attempt to avoid the reality of the fact that you are a fucking piece of shit, not a man. And if the reality gets too much, you consider ending it all.

I want to change to improve my life and start putting myself first for a change.

Oh, yeah.. and how do you plan to do that? By throwing yourself off a bridge?

Fuck off. Quit being a fucking pussy. Take ownership of the fact that YOU and you alone have caused these problems and that YOU and you alone are the only possible solution to fixing them.

I doubt you will though, coz you sound like an "A Type Fucking Twat". An A Type Fucking Twat is the kind of twat who comes in here, says "woe is me", doesn't like the responses he gets, then either never comes back, never responds or deletes his account.

A "B Type Fucking Twat" is the kind of guy who comes in here, says "woe is me", doesn't like the responses he gets, but takes it on the chin, decides to man up, reads the sidebar, starts lifting and starts posting in OYS every week.

The only question that remains then is - are you an Type A Fucking Twat or a Type B Fucking Twat?

My bet is on Type A. Prove me wrong.

[–]FoxShitNasty830 points1 point  (4 children) | Copy

I vote A

[–]SBIIIRed Fucking Commando1 point2 points  (3 children) | Copy

If his account remains undeleted past today, he has a slight chance.

If he responds to this thread, his chances will increase.

If he posts in OYS, he's on the first rung of the ladder.

I have a feeling though, that none of this will happen. When faced with the reality of his situation, he'll hit the bottle later tonight, then black out for the evening. He'll blame MRP for that.

When he wakes up tomorrow at 11.30am with a shit hangover, his wife will be shitty with him and he'll take it all out on her, telling her that she never listens and doesn't understand him. He'll blame his wife for that.

Then he'll go back to his online NMMNG group looking for solace. When they get sick of his shit, he will contemplate suicide. He'll blame them for that.

Fucker needs to read this thread fast.

[–]elstano[S] 1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

Hey @SBIII, thank you man and I mean that.. This is what I was looking for, someone to take all of my muddled thoughts and put them in perspective with a but if direction. Reality doesn't scare me, being hindered by inaction and having no control over my life kinda does. What the fuck is OYS though?

[–]SBIIIRed Fucking Commando2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

You have complete control over your life. In fact, you are the only person who does - the sooner you wake up to that reality the better. You say that reality doesn't scare you but your actions say different - you blame others for your problems and then hide yourself in the bottom of a bottle.

Your inaction is down to the fact that you fail to take ownership of your problems, therefor you have no plan to deal with them, therefor you see no way out of them other than to deflect blame and drink your cares away. It's a viscious cycle that needs to be broken and the only person that can do that is you.

Not your wife, not your NMMNG group, not me.


And that starts with OYS.. Owning Your Shit.

Do you want to get on the first rung of the ladder - the only ladder that can get you out of your hole or do you want to stay there and embrace the darkness?

Spend some time looking over that thread at the weekend. See how others are dealing with their issues. Make some notes about your own life, your own problems and how you plan to deal with them. How you plan to own your shit. Then - when the next thread opens on Tuesday - put your post up and expect some real, honest feedback from people like me who have been in similar or worse holes that you are in now.

You wanna make your life better? That is how you do it... you OYS, read the sidebar, lift and STFU like everyone else.

Welcome to Boot Camp.

[–]rocknrollchuck0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

OYS is the Own Your Shit post that gets posted weekly every Tuesday. Here is this week's post, there will be a new one next week. Check it out and post your stats and story.

[–]SorcererKingMod / Red Beret4 points5 points  (2 children) | Copy

What country are you in? I imagine hearing this in Borat's voice.

Brother shout, I no beat shit of heem. Wife winding me up say I no big man...

[–]HornsOfApathyMod / Red Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

2nd Borat here this week.

[–]elstano[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Yak shemash

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (1 child) | Copy

Guys who don't need to prove anything never dance to perform.

Never let anyone get you upset about someone or something that doesn't upset you to begin with.

Otherwise you're the kid in the video who falls down then gets back up and seems fine. But then notices everyone looking at them and starts crying.

You lose control of yourself and hand the ownership of your emotions to someone else and start feeling things other people put there.

A few years ago a new neighbor moved in next store and started using the street along the long side of my corner lot to park.

I didn't really care.

You can park where you want on the street. If I look out my window and see an empty street , or car...I really have no care about it. It's not like I bought a house on a mountainside for the view and someone is putting up a billboard in front.

But my wife hated it. She felt like it ruined the view of our house from the street or some other shit like that. And back when I would take on her reactions as soon as she would notice I didn't care about something that she did, she'd start working on me about it until I did.

Initially during my initial finding of rp I thought it was a sign I wasn't "manning up" and was being fitness tested and would go overboard to show I was a maaaaaan by doing what I thought she saw as a man. Talk about just deep diving into someone else's frame and claiming it as my own like a sperg!

So sure enough, one day , I had a conversation with the person parking there and asked them not to park there and I was a nice-guy dick about how I communicated it. 1/2 way through the conversation I realized I was championing someone else's cause about something that mattered less to me than having a decent relationship with my neighbors.

A lot of shit naturally just doesn't bother me. I don't give a shit about what people think of me or the image of my "things". I know how >I< handle or ignore social situations, slights and aggression. I really really try to reserve controlled anger for situations that warrant it. Yet a lot of wives out there are "let me speak to your manager" types and expect you to do that about everything. And if they know you can be amped...will amp you up like a Frankenstein.

Whenever you give that agency over to someone else, it never comes out right, it always feels odd and you can really get yourself into trouble.

It's the girl that starts fights in a bar "DiD You heAr wHat hE SAID to Me?" between her boyfriend and some rando. It's not about you being a man and stepping to someone else, it's about being a man and knowing yourself and the situation and cut the puppet strings and educating her on how to be a better person.

You want to fight with your brother just to see who's tougher for fun? Put on some gloves and spar. Have fun and hug it out in the end. It's how men handle shit.

But don't, like a little easy-to-manipulate wuss, let her amp you up into picking a real scrap with the guy for the benefit of her perception of you.

[–]elstano[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Thanks man, I can really relate to this.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

Shit test. Ignore.

[–]FoxShitNasty832 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Damn, I always get these wrong. I had my arms open ready for comfort... Maybe stroke his hair a bit.

Must try harder.

[–]redismyfuture2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

1st paragraph answer. How do you eat an Elephant? One bite at a time. If you want to throw your wife overboard, you'll never learn as you're just running away from your problem, which is you being a pussy. You'll just doom yourself to repeat the same mistakes with the next girl.

2nd paragraph. If you beat your brother's ass, how's that an oak? You missed a great chance to AA or AM your wife and have some fun. She was testing your frame but you were too busy being enveloped by hers to see it.

Keep reading.

[–]SeamusAwl0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy


OP: I love my brother, i only spank the ass of those I dont care about (then proceeds to spank wifes ass with a smirk).

[–]Rogue684861 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Yes you're wrong. You're transfering your anger towards your wife onto your brother. Talk to him.about it if its bothering you.

That black hole may be a form of depression. Which helped us hunker down millennium ago. You must fight it proactively. Lift. Rest. Read the books to deal with your relationship.

Time to learn the marital arts

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

"No More Mr Nice Guy" is a book you should check out.

[–]BostonBrakeJob0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

The go-to movie recommendation around here is The Matrix. But you, my friend, could learn a lot more from Revolver.

[–]MrChad_ThundercockBig Red Machine0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

You’re a fucking mess.

[–]elstano[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

You're preaching to the choir brother

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

The thing is, I realise that I'm sitting in the bottom of a hole but seem too content and at peace with it. I'm fluctuating between throwing myself off of a bridge and driving forward to where I want to be and throwing everyone else aside

You aren't content, you're afraid to make the first move to improve your situation. Your overly dramatic impulses are a result of looking at your situation like you have to solve everything at once. Recognizing the futility in attempting to do so has left you paralyzed. Stop focusing on the totality of your problems and start small. Get on a lifting program and follow it as if your life depends on it. Read NMMNG and complete the exercises. Then read Rational Male. When you look back at your progress after a month, the hole won't seem quite as deep.

We were being a bit loud, he came down from bed and started shouting and I just sat there looking at him. I would destroy him in a fight, I'm 6'3" and have done muay thai for years, so didn't react.

Are you 12 years old?

[–]elstano[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

You are right along with a lot of the other posters here, I am a bit childish at times, I am a bit fucked up and I have no idea how to deal with shit responsibly. That's why I am here. I am trying to be honest, I'm trying to get direction and trying to get my shit in line. If I have to deal with criticism, then that's fine too. All feedback is welcome. I didn't come here just to moan and get sympathy, I came here to put the shit in my head into words, or at least attempt to, and then piece together some kind of plan on how to deal with it and improve.

[–]weakandsensitive0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

I'm making some kind of connection out there..


[–]elstano[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Thank you, that 3 letter reply has enlightened me

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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