Hey folks, passersby or whoever has a glance at this post. I find these small things like writing help me feel like I'm making some kind of connection out there..
Anyway, I've been feeling kinda weird lately. I feel like I'm in the depth of a black pit, that I've probably dug for myself by being 'always there for and willing to help' people, being needy and refusing to get my own needs met because of a completely wrong and disfunctional mindset. I've been working through various material recently and have caught a glimpse of the future me. The thing is, I realise that I'm sitting in the bottom of a hole but seem too content and at peace with it. I'm fluctuating between throwing myself off of a bridge and driving forward to where I want to be and throwing everyone else aside.. My biggest problem is feeling like I can't connect with people.. Man, this mental shit is hard.
I have another issue here that I'd like some advice on too. I had an argument with my wife the last night we were staying in my brothers house. We were being a bit loud, he came down from bed and started shouting and I just sat there looking at him. I would destroy him in a fight, I'm 6'3" and have done muay thai for years, so didn't react. The day after, my wife started winding me up saying that I wasn't such a big man and that pissed me off. So recently, whenever I meet my brother I wind him up to see if he will get angry again and try to talk to me the way he did that night so that I can beat the shit out of him... Is this wrong? I think I'm mentally fucked and need some sort of respite to get my head in order....
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