Embracing the black hole

screechhater · 2019-04-19T01:22:51+00:00

Get your ass into the fucking gym. Lift and reflect. Box and remind yourself, discipline in all interactions with lesser qualified opponents is not a challenge.

You crossed a boundary at your brothers house, he called you out Got it ?

She has little respect for him, obviously. Don’t go there. That is operating in her frame.

Dark hole ? Lift. You obviously are challenged in your apparent need to view people “liking you” by serving them, but coming to realize there is little for you.

Remember this. You are here for you and the oxygen mask must be placed on your face first, then others.

Take care of your needs first, then others, if they actually need something

Lift and read the sidebar.

SBIII · 2019-04-19T08:51:50+00:00

You're a fucking pussy who is afraid of taking ownership of your own problems and prefer to either drown them in alcohol or blame them on your wife.

So your life is shit - what are you doing about it?

I need to resolve the emotional clusterfucks that made me turn to alcohol. I need to answer the question, What am I so terrified of that I feel the need to drink myself into oblivion and out of reality?

Drinking away your problems. I'm sure that helps a lot. You'd rather embrace the black hole than to climb out of it.

When you are sober, how do you deal with your emotions?

I can't talk to her. She refuses to talk through stuff like this. Her go to response is, 'yeah, you're always right and I'm always wrong'. She uses this as a reply to everything I try put out there and discuss and keeps repeating it until I give up. It usually ends up that I make amends after every argument even though I know I shouldn't.

I see... you use your wife as an emotional tampon. Pouring your shit onto her, hoping she'll soak it up like a human sized sanitary pad. I bet she loves that shit...

she has a habit of taking thinly veiled digs at me in front of other people. She wasn't like that before we got married. We used to joke around a lot and it was playful. It just gradually happened over time. Don't get me wrong she is great a lot of the time. It's just when we are in public and around other people she pushes my buttons.

Really? I wonder why? What are you going to do about that?

It may mean divorce eventually, and if so, then so be it. I've actually become ok with that mentally if it has to happen.

Ah yes - divorce her. Good call. That will fix all your problems. After all, she is the root cause of your problems, isn't she? I mean it's nothing to do with the fact that your drink yourself to oblivion and blame others for your emotional states.

Do you perhaps have any other issues?

It might get better, it might not, but it's a financial decision at the moment to stay.

I see. So you are a broke ass motherfucker, on top of being a drunk who can't control his emotions. Nice.

The suicidal thing is partially true. I have contemplated taking that final step,

.. oh, and you also think about killing yourself. The ultimate way to continue avoiding your problems I suppose. Bit of a pattern going on here.

It sounds weird in my head as I'm typing this but I don't really care what she does, I just want to shed this nice guy, doormat persona and burst forth as someone who finds something to be passionate about for myself and fuck anyone who doesn't like it..

And yet you consider yourself a Nice Guy who has to break free from others holding you back?

Fuck off.

You aren't a nice guy. You have no money, are alcohol dependent and dump all your shit onto your wife.. all in an attempt to avoid the reality of the fact that you are a fucking piece of shit, not a man. And if the reality gets too much, you consider ending it all.

I want to change to improve my life and start putting myself first for a change.

Oh, yeah.. and how do you plan to do that? By throwing yourself off a bridge?

Fuck off. Quit being a fucking pussy. Take ownership of the fact that YOU and you alone have caused these problems and that YOU and you alone are the only possible solution to fixing them.

I doubt you will though, coz you sound like an "A Type Fucking Twat". An A Type Fucking Twat is the kind of twat who comes in here, says "woe is me", doesn't like the responses he gets, then either never comes back, never responds or deletes his account.

A "B Type Fucking Twat" is the kind of guy who comes in here, says "woe is me", doesn't like the responses he gets, but takes it on the chin, decides to man up, reads the sidebar, starts lifting and starts posting in OYS every week.

The only question that remains then is - are you an Type A Fucking Twat or a Type B Fucking Twat?

My bet is on Type A. Prove me wrong.

SorcererKing · 2019-04-19T05:37:37+00:00

What country are you in? I imagine hearing this in Borat's voice.

Brother shout, I no beat shit of heem. Wife winding me up say I no big man...

elstano · 2019-04-19T15:30:45+00:00

Guys who don't need to prove anything never dance to perform.

Never let anyone get you upset about someone or something that doesn't upset you to begin with.

Otherwise you're the kid in the video who falls down then gets back up and seems fine. But then notices everyone looking at them and starts crying.

You lose control of yourself and hand the ownership of your emotions to someone else and start feeling things other people put there.

A few years ago a new neighbor moved in next store and started using the street along the long side of my corner lot to park.

I didn't really care.

You can park where you want on the street. If I look out my window and see an empty street , or car...I really have no care about it. It's not like I bought a house on a mountainside for the view and someone is putting up a billboard in front.

But my wife hated it. She felt like it ruined the view of our house from the street or some other shit like that. And back when I would take on her reactions as soon as she would notice I didn't care about something that she did, she'd start working on me about it until I did.

Initially during my initial finding of rp I thought it was a sign I wasn't "manning up" and was being fitness tested and would go overboard to show I was a maaaaaan by doing what I thought she saw as a man. Talk about just deep diving into someone else's frame and claiming it as my own like a sperg!

So sure enough, one day , I had a conversation with the person parking there and asked them not to park there and I was a nice-guy dick about how I communicated it. 1/2 way through the conversation I realized I was championing someone else's cause about something that mattered less to me than having a decent relationship with my neighbors.

A lot of shit naturally just doesn't bother me. I don't give a shit about what people think of me or the image of my "things". I know how >I< handle or ignore social situations, slights and aggression. I really really try to reserve controlled anger for situations that warrant it. Yet a lot of wives out there are "let me speak to your manager" types and expect you to do that about everything. And if they know you can be amped...will amp you up like a Frankenstein.

Whenever you give that agency over to someone else, it never comes out right, it always feels odd and you can really get yourself into trouble.

It's the girl that starts fights in a bar "DiD You heAr wHat hE SAID to Me?" between her boyfriend and some rando. It's not about you being a man and stepping to someone else, it's about being a man and knowing yourself and the situation and cut the puppet strings and educating her on how to be a better person.

You want to fight with your brother just to see who's tougher for fun? Put on some gloves and spar. Have fun and hug it out in the end. It's how men handle shit.

But don't, like a little easy-to-manipulate wuss, let her amp you up into picking a real scrap with the guy for the benefit of her perception of you.

FoxShitNasty83 · 2019-04-19T01:18:04+00:00

Shit test. Ignore.

redismyfuture · 2019-04-19T01:26:25+00:00

1st paragraph answer. How do you eat an Elephant? One bite at a time. If you want to throw your wife overboard, you'll never learn as you're just running away from your problem, which is you being a pussy. You'll just doom yourself to repeat the same mistakes with the next girl.

2nd paragraph. If you beat your brother's ass, how's that an oak? You missed a great chance to AA or AM your wife and have some fun. She was testing your frame but you were too busy being enveloped by hers to see it.

Keep reading.

Rogue68486 · 2019-04-19T05:22:42+00:00

Yes you're wrong. You're transfering your anger towards your wife onto your brother. Talk to him.about it if its bothering you.

That black hole may be a form of depression. Which helped us hunker down millennium ago. You must fight it proactively. Lift. Rest. Read the books to deal with your relationship.

Time to learn the marital arts

[deleted] · 2019-04-19T07:44:03+00:00

"No More Mr Nice Guy" is a book you should check out.

BostonBrakeJob · 2019-04-19T02:23:35+00:00

The go-to movie recommendation around here is The Matrix. But you, my friend, could learn a lot more from Revolver.

MrChad_Thundercock · 2019-04-19T02:41:07+00:00

You’re a fucking mess.

elstano · 2019-04-19T12:04:56+00:00

The thing is, I realise that I'm sitting in the bottom of a hole but seem too content and at peace with it. I'm fluctuating between throwing myself off of a bridge and driving forward to where I want to be and throwing everyone else aside

You aren't content, you're afraid to make the first move to improve your situation. Your overly dramatic impulses are a result of looking at your situation like you have to solve everything at once. Recognizing the futility in attempting to do so has left you paralyzed. Stop focusing on the totality of your problems and start small. Get on a lifting program and follow it as if your life depends on it. Read NMMNG and complete the exercises. Then read Rational Male. When you look back at your progress after a month, the hole won't seem quite as deep.

We were being a bit loud, he came down from bed and started shouting and I just sat there looking at him. I would destroy him in a fight, I'm 6'3" and have done muay thai for years, so didn't react.

Are you 12 years old?

weakandsensitive · 2019-04-19T22:54:54+00:00

I'm making some kind of connection out there..

uhh......

Title	Embracing the black hole
Author	elstano
Upvotes	7
Comments	25
Date	19 April 2019 12:20 AM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	askMRP
Link	https://theredarchive.com/post/226969
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/besujl/embracing_the_black_hole/