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Do Not Buy Her Dinner

GaiusScaevolus

May 8, 2013
44 upvotes
/r/TheRedPill
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Post Information
Title Do Not Buy Her Dinner
Author

GaiusScaevolus

Upvotes 44
Comments 51
Date May 8, 2013 5:39 PM UTC
(13 years ago)
Subreddit Posted in /r/TheRedPill
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/1dxz7e/do_not_buy_her_dinner/
Archive Link https://theredarchive.com/r/TheRedPill/do-not-buy-her-dinner.234624
https://theredarchive.com/post/234624
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Comments

[–]TRP VanguardVZPurp 10 points11 points12 points 13 years ago (10 children) | Copy Link

Don't buy her anything. Don't even consider it until after you've been fucking her.

[–]zionController 3 points4 points5 points 13 years ago (9 children) | Copy Link

1.50 for a coffee is something I 'll still do. Because cheap. I also suggest having a bag of sports stuff, volleyball, football, frisbee, etc and make all your dates little outdoor things to the park or to a pool. You can go on 3 dates a week and spend under 5 bucks. Learned this little trick from a pua I used to pal around with. Works wonders. Wonders. You'll even get praised on your originality, and not chastised for your cheapness.

You can also bring this bag of toys out with the guys. It's a winning strategy.

[–]Crackertron 2 points3 points4 points 13 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link

That doesn't work so well in the Pacific Northwest! Then you'd only be dating 3 months out of the year.

[–]zionController 1 point2 points3 points 13 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

My god, you're right.. You'd better make those three months count then.

What are your other seasons like? What are your go-to cheap/free dates?

[–]RedSunBlue 1 point2 points3 points 13 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

If you live in Seattle...

  1. "Hey, I'm starting a new batch of homebrew IPA. Come help me look for hops."

  2. "Let's take a bike ride down the Burke-Gilman. I'm dying to test out the waterproofing I put on my old North Face jacket."

  3. Anything coffee related.

[–]TRP VanguardVZPurp 1 point2 points3 points 13 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

Ah yeah, I don't mind the coffee bit. I didn't realize it but that's about all I pay for. I also go for the outdoor dates. Seems like we're on the same page. ;)

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points 13 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

it's not the price you pay it's the message you send.

which is either "you're better than me so i'm paying for you." or "i'm old-fashioned so i'm paying for you." or "you can use me as a piggy bank so i'm paying for you."

why buy her coffee for her? she should be standing next to you in line at the cashier with her own purchase, not waiting at a table for you to bring it to her.

unless you give her coffee to her and say "here. say thank you." or something like that. anything which implies that it's a gift, because it's the only way to buy her coffee without being a chump-- because you want to give a gift to her.

[–][deleted] 13 years ago* (3 children) | Copy Link

[permanently deleted]

[–]zionController 1 point2 points3 points 13 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link

its not about what they like. If you pitch it as a great fun idea, then its great fun. Lead them. Theyre just followers.

[–][deleted] 13 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

[permanently deleted]

[–]zionController 1 point2 points3 points 13 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

You are most welcome.

Also, its a good idea to have the logistics planned out. I have a spot I like to toss the frisbee, and theres a coffee place nearby I like, and a place within walking distance that has the cheapest bar rail in town, if you need a break. Switching venues is a really great idea. Once or twice per date to keep things escalating and fresh. Anyway, frisbee is the best, have fun! Its gotten me same day lays easy.

[–]3Ill_mumble_that 12 points13 points14 points 13 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link

The new plan: http://i.imgur.com/mUfINmc.jpg

[–]TRP Vanguardscottishredpill 2 points3 points4 points 13 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

Since learning seduction, and taking TRP, I never pay for dinner out dates, even after we have had sex. The only time I agree eat out is if they are paying.

Oh the names I get called, but they will stay pay, then ask to stay over.

[–]baconOclock 5 points6 points7 points 13 years ago* (0 children) | Copy Link

I'm a bit arrogant and even though I think it's a quality, it can sometimes backfire when I push it too far.

My point is that you can get away with almost anything.

My longest streak of not paying was a year and a half before I actually paid something to a girl which was a dollar menu bacon cheeseburger and I kind of regret that I did.

Never paid for any shit, meal, beer or even weed during this time. I made sure she knew how it was going down from the start and not only did it work with women who had good paying jobs but also with poor college students.

Sometimes I got weird questions at first like wtf they should pay.

My simple answer was that my presence is invaluable and I also provide the best conversations.

After that, this topic never came up again. Never once did I show some insecurity or projected guilt over what I was taking from them. I just act like I'm entitled to it, like I expected it, like it's not even a big deal and normal. I'm thankful for it and it's fun but I just didn't say it or make a big deal out of it.

I control rewards, you never know when it's coming. You can't expect a reward just because you did something nice for me. The strongest type of conditioning program is random reinforcement. That's also the reason why people can get so addicted to gambling. I just make sure those principles work for me.

And, it's best to make them compete. Show your new clothes or whatever new things you have and leave stuff around just to imply some other bitch bought you things but never say it directly like "X bought me this, we had fun and such a great time last night".

Imagination is best, don't take that away from them.

For some reason, they seemed to get jealous and brought me even more shit when I came with new stuff.

I also had a girl who worked more than 50 hrs/week and came to my house after work no matter what, every single weekdays during the last 2 months of my university semester just to cook dinner, even for my roommates sometimes. She got all the ingredients and made sure my belly was filled and my balls were empty before she left and the worst part is that I kicked her out 4 times out of 5 to later go on a date with another girl during the same night.

I'm not saying it could work for everybody or that I'm right but more things are possible then you might think if you don't set arbitrary limits.

Fuck the rules, bend them.

[–]nerdyfitnessguy 5 points6 points7 points 13 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link

Extend this to buying drinks and it's spot on. Buying stuff without being in a sexual relationship is for chumps.

[–]3Ill_mumble_that 8 points9 points10 points 13 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

The next time a girl asks for you to buy her a drink, just say "Aw that's too bad, I thought you were different than other girls. See ya" If a girl is worthwhile she'll stop you from walking away.

[–]socal83 -1 points0 points1 point 13 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

do that, or just laugh in their fucking face.

both are equally fun.

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points6 points 13 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link

I like the way returnofkings writes. Well formatted, as well as clear messages that make solid points, or at least conveys a well thought out opinion (even if I disagree at times, fucking beta boy subconscious still being rooted out).

[–]MrHocus 1 point2 points3 points 13 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link

yeah he's not overly pushy about getting his point across and the basic idea is easy to see. Here's the top comment on this article:

Carson D • 9 hours ago − PUA 101. A fairly simple formula.

Alphas: push for sex, then may or may not commit

Betas: push for commitment, then may or may not get sex

[–][deleted] -1 points0 points1 point 13 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link

It's those simple concept that stick in my mind, and help me hold my ground when it's questioned on a daily basis. I swear I feel crazy at times when I'm in the college library and see everything for 'what it is,' as if I'm the psycho who has something fucked up in his head. But then I get home, read more forum posts, and apply it...and it works...compared to the past when I would idealize a reaction in my fantasy head.

[–]zionController 0 points1 point2 points 13 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

Thats why we are growing so fast as a sub.

Blue pill guys scratch their heads and go No one really understands women and get rolled and rolled again in relationships, court, whatever. Red pill is just ugly reality instead of idealized fantasy, and there are people out there who prefer the truth.

I am reminded of the quote I`d rather be a miserable Socrates than blissfully ignorant. I wouldn`t go back if you paid me.

[–]Politikon 1 point2 points3 points 13 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

It is far better to grasp the universe as it really is than to persist in delusion, however satisfying and reassuring.

can't remember where this quote is from, but it applies.

[–]iamme23 points 13 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link

I clearly see it frequently being used and always found female promiscuity such an effective way to explain so many concepts.

You did X, Y and Z. She has no respect or gratitude for you. Man B did nothing clearly identifiable, she's sucking his dick and laughing about you maybe even at this moment.

Considering the society we live in where getting orally sloppy with some cock is a social encounter sort of like grabbing a coffee I don't understand how these concepts fall on deaf ears at large.

[–]TRP Vanguardss_camaro 0 points1 point2 points 13 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

Per persuasion from my mother and sister...

The female imperative overrides blood ties: Every. Time.

[–]syklone911 0 points1 point2 points 13 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link

I understand this article, but how do I build rapport with the girl? Split the cost 50/50 or something?

[–]3Ill_mumble_that 5 points6 points7 points 13 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

Don't make your first date an "out to eat" date. It's stupid and it doesn't work. If you do go do something and get hungry, make eating the chore, not the feature (i.e. grab something fast like Chipotle). Save sit-down dinners for special occasions. Unless of course you're rich and just really enjoy going out to a particular place, but I don't suggest bringing a girl with you out to eat at your favorite spot, never.

[–]3Ill_mumble_that 1 point2 points3 points 13 years ago* (0 children) | Copy Link

Girl's friend: "So how was your date with syklone911, didn't he take you out to eat?"
Girl: "It was okay, I found out that he likes to eat"
Girl's friend: "Wow, that's amazing. You two have so much in common!"
Girl: "Shutup, it was boring as fuck"

I for one don't blame a woman for expecting a guy to pay for her dinner. It's fucking boring as hell to sit there and I sure as hell wouldn't go out to eat with someone I just met unless they were offering to pay.

As the article mentions, you can change it up by cooking at your/her place if you really want to make the date focused on food. Then at the next day she'll be bragging about your skills to her friend instead of telling the boring story of a restaurant.

[–]Bobsutan 3 points4 points5 points 13 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

If dinner is your date, you should be in one of your kitchens making the meal together. Generally speaking dates should be activities like mini golf, a happy hour spent shooting pool, or anything where you're doing something that fills in the time. Cooking for each other falls into this bucket.

Bonus points: do something that requires physical contact. Indoor climbing is one that jumps to mind because you have to check each others gear before you go up the wall, it's exhilarating (pumps up adrenaline and makes them easier to get physical with), and it screens for fit chicks. It's also a great place to pick up women--you're not going to see a lot of fatties doing it because it's physically strenuous.

[–]baconOclock 0 points1 point2 points 13 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

Split the cost 50/50 or something?

Worst case scenario. Rock, paper, scissors for who gets to pay.

[–]Evers89 0 points1 point2 points 13 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

From my experience, this is fact. For whatever reason, call it her investment or my indifference to dating, my "dates" are always better when I spend less money. The girls in my city tend to be abused by betas on the daily, so maybe it's refreshing not to have to be taken for dinner?

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points 13 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

well i never buy dinner for girls.

but i go to dinner with them. eating with company is fun

[–]16 Endorsed Contributorbankruptedcasino -3 points-2 points-1 points 13 years ago (20 children) | Copy Link

Here in the south, this is half-right. You almost always have to spend some kind of money before you bang a girl because they are raised to expect gentlemanly chivalry when asked out on a date.

Instead of dinner before bang, I invite a girl out to casual drinks at a lounge with a sexy atmosphere or (really common here) invite her out with my friends for weekend night plans. I'll spring for a round or two and then neg her by saying that she's using me for drinks and I need to find another date who isn't a cheapskate OR this personal favorite:

Me: Did you want another drink? Her: Sure! Me: Then go get one.

Depending on her reaction I either say I'm kidding or play along with her coy way of acting like she's offended.

Don't know how else it would work for the rest of TRP, but that's my .02.

[–]thebears1986 3 points4 points5 points 13 years ago (19 children) | Copy Link

There is no way in hell you have to spend any money on a girl to bang her no matter where she grew up in the US. That has been thoroughly established.

[–]dreamingawake09 0 points1 point2 points 13 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

Agree with you on that, I am from Texas, and that whole "Southern Hospitality" stopped at my parents generation. I don't spend a single dime on these females, unless they prove to me that its worth it, and I've yet to meet one that is worth it.

[–]The-WomanKing -4 points-3 points-2 points 13 years ago (17 children) | Copy Link

Ahahahaha... Best of luck to you.

[–]Endorsed ContributorTDCRedPill 2 points3 points4 points 13 years ago (16 children) | Copy Link

Women aren't prostitutes to be bought, rented, or otherwise paid for. Get your shit together; you aren't going to get anywhere until you realize this.

The idea is to get to know them and see if you connect. Nowhere does that require the idea paying for the privilege of doing so.

Childish bitterness like this is what ends up giving the people here a bad name, and randoms like you spouting that 'All women are whores' could mislead others into thinking the exact opposite of what this sub is for.

[–]QuietlyLearning 0 points1 point2 points 13 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

While I agree, don't forget about the stages of grief. New people tend to go through them and anger is one step. Let the venting happen and ignore it. Upvote quality posts and things will fall in place.

[–][deleted] -2 points-1 points0 points 13 years ago (14 children) | Copy Link

Thank you. This man thinks and speaks clearly.

Every woman is an individual just like every man. Not aliens or anything ridiculously hard to figure out. Some women might be more old fashioned and want you to pay for dinner, nay expect it of you. If you are not old fashioned then you probably won't get along. Move along to the next girl.

If this ever happened to me in a bar:

Him: Did you want another drink?

Me: Sure!

Him: Then go get one.

I would leave. Immediately. Maybe make up a lie and tell all my friends that not only are you a douche bag but that you also have a tiny penis.

Please don't embarrass yourselves. :(

Edit: Also, this behavior IS a red flag you may have a tiny penis to most women. We call it over compensating.

[–]Newthinker 6 points7 points8 points 13 years ago (13 children) | Copy Link

Are you saying a man not buying you a drink would cause you to leave and make assumptions about his penis size?

[–][deleted] -1 points0 points1 point 13 years ago* (12 children) | Copy Link

Did you read what I said? Yes. I think you might be trying to misconstrue it as something that it isn't.

We'll go over basic human interaction.

When someone offers you a drink; this can be done in many different ways. "May I offer you a drink? Would you like another drink? or as quoted above:

"Did you want another drink?"

We all understand ways to express agreeing with someone. Right? As in, yes, or: "Sure!"

Now, this is the part you'll have to think a little below the surface. Thinking caps on guys! At this point a normal human being would be assuming they will be receiving the objects offered to her. Keyword here: OFFER

Dictionaries out gentleman!

Offer:

Verb:

Present or proffer (something) for (someone) to accept or reject as so desired: "may I offer you a drink?".

Noun

An expression of readiness to do or give something if desired

Now, once you have offered a man or woman a drink. A logical being would assume you were going to provide them with the objects or services that you have offered. Since of course, you are a logical human being who is capable of making decisions on his own.

Life pro tip: With this new found capability of free thought you can choose to NOT offer things you don't wanna pay for! Wow!

In this scenario, the person is doing the opposite of what a logical person expects. Why would he do that?! It doesn't make sense. His reply is:

"Then go get one."

At this point we can only speculate. Maybe someone has fooled him into thinking that acting illogically like this is flirtatious! We're smarter than that though. Maybe he doesn't have a good grasp on simple human interactions? We don't really know. We do know that humans do NOT like being lied to or misled. Sometimes when other people mislead us it causes us to get angry, and not want to be in their presence any longer. Maybe leave where he's at altogether.

Is it a little more clear for the slower members of the class? I'm sorry if i'm moving too fast!

We just don't have time to discuss the word "compensation" and why it might apply to a man's genitals and why these two things together may affect his actions. We have established today we aren't capable of the critical thinking skills needed to understand that. We'll keep working though! You'll get there!

Edit: How come I can't downvote anyone but my posts can be downvoted?

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points4 points 13 years ago (8 children) | Copy Link

Life pro tip: With this new found capability of free thought you can choose to NOT offer things you don't wanna pay for! Wow!

nobody is complaining that they have to pay for something that they have offered.

If this ever happened to me in a bar: Him: Did you want another drink? Me: Sure! Him: Then go get one.

where does this come from and what point are you trying to make?

because the advice in this thread is to never pay for a woman, which would mean you would never offer to do so. also, its women who think they are entitled and expect a man to pay.

whats up with that imaginary interaction you made up? that interaction has nothing to do with anything.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points 13 years ago (7 children) | Copy Link

Refer to this comment.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points3 points 13 years ago* (6 children) | Copy Link

alright. so your point is that if a man said what he said you would just leave. because you are such a strong independent woman with self respect right? but what if a man who you are attracted to would say that?

what if brad pitt (or who ever you find the most attractive) would have said those exact same words? man, you would have to fight realy hard not to hop on his dick right there.

in that post, he is describing how he would neg/ tease a woman. and if that woman find him attractive, there is a good chance she will like it.

obviously a strong opiniated woman like yourself WOULD NEVER go so low and let a man treat you like that. you want a man to kiss your ass and treat you like a princess right?

[–]bankruptedcasino2 points 13 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link

She keeps referring to my comment, but she missed something major there. I said that I would drop this line...

Him: Did you want another drink? Me: Sure! Him: Then go get one.

...at this moment:

Instead of dinner before bang, I invite a girl out to casual drinks at a lounge with a sexy atmosphere or (really common here) invite her out with my friends for weekend night plans.

This indicates that I have already moved from attraction to comfort. I've pulled her number, we've texted back and forth a few times, and now I've secured a date.

I wouldn't drop a line like that on a girl I was building attraction with at a bar because of course she'd walk away (unless she was shit-testing me so bad that I had to kamikaze as a last resort before getting blown out of the set).

But, like you said, if I've already built attraction and now we're in comfort, that line is likely interpreted as playful teasing. It's in person, so I can say it with a smirk so she knows that I'm being sarcastic. It's also a very alpha thing to do after wading in the beta pool by springing for the first two rounds.

PS, I'll wallow in my downvotes because TRP clearly feels that spending any money on a chick is stupid. I agree! But since I just relocated to the south, I'm trying to calibrate my game accordingly and, at least where I live, I haven't come up with a better alternative as of yet.

[–][deleted]1 point 13 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link

Karma is a fickle and fleeting thing! You're right, it could be flirtatious if not on the first (or second) date! I'm sorry I misread! :)

[–][deleted]1 point 13 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link

I'm sorry! I thought I had read somewhere that this sub in particular was looking for discussion from an unbiased standpoint. Because of all the negative publicity red pill gets in other subreddits I thought that it was impervious that I come into every discussion drawing no conclusions other than what has been offered. You don't know anything about me, if strong and independent or meek and feeble. You don't know if I'm a lesbian or straight. Plot twist: I could be a man! Or some kind of strange genetic mutation. The wonders of the Internet! I haven't offered any information like that to you, and haven't made any assumptions about you. I guess if you were really enthused you could dig my comments and find out I love the Zumba classes I take at my local gym. ;)

But in response, I'm not a Brad Pitt lover so ill adjust the parameters. Maybe.....Alexander Skarsgard?

I have no idea. I cannot imagine how I would act on a date with a celebrity (or Greek god come down to earth in Mr. Skaragards case) because it is so far fetched. I've been with some hot guys, but none that I've seen in a movie before. None that has pictures posted of him regularly on r/ladyboners. It just seems like apples and oranges to me.

However, I have been on lots of dates with redditors(Hahahahaha), college guys, young men whose sole intentions were to fuck me, young men who wanted to fall in love with me, the whole sha bang. And with any of them on a first date it would be unacceptable and I would leave. Not because I want drinks bought for me or anything crazy like that. I have money and can buy my own alcohol. And honestly, I don't like any money to be exchanged between parties until there is an established relationship, whatever it might be. It keeps him from feeling entitled (and boy it doesn't take long for that feeling of entitlement to creep up) and me from feeling guilty or like I owe anyone anything. But I imagine I conduct my relationships differently from the way you might conduct yours. Diversity is awesome. :)

However, dude said he was talking about third date maybe later. He said he's already paid for a few dates and been a nice guy so girl doesn't just assume he's an asshole. So it makes the whole discussion moot. ;)

[–]RedSunBlue1 point 13 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link

I thought I had read somewhere that this sub in particular was looking for discussion from an unbiased standpoint.

Read that line again and ask yourself what a mod watching for trolls would think about it.

Also "unbiased" does not mean "uninformed".

Because of all the negative publicity red pill gets in other subreddits I thought that it was impervious that I come into every discussion drawing no conclusions other than what has been offered.

I don't think that word means what you think it does.

If you want to stick around here, I suggest you a) read the sidebar and b) learn how to write clearly and concisely. The rambling, solipsistic, and chiding tone of your posts will not go over well 'round these parts.

[–]phattsao 4 points5 points6 points 13 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

Basically you want free shit, and are willing to slander someone who doesn't immediately gift you with such. A quality woman to be sure.

[–]Newthinker 0 points1 point2 points 13 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

Okay, Christina. Since you were obviously just chomping at the bit to reply sarcastically, let me explain something to you:

Your reply in this thread came out of damned-near nowhere, and I formulated my reply incredulously. No one, anywhere in this thread, suggested that it was a good idea to ask a woman if she wanted a drink and then respond in the contrary. It's honestly a little bit confusing that this sort of misguidedly playful interaction would even upset someone as sardonic as you, but perhaps it's a little bit "next level." I mean, he probably has a tiny dick anyway, right?

Oh, and for the "slower members of the class," we can downvote you because we're on mobile or disabled the subreddit style. Do you understand now?

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points3 points 13 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

Refer to This comment.

I apologize for coming off combative and passive aggressive. It just seemed like you were misconstruing my words so as to make it appear that I mean something that I do not. This is aggravating. I do understand a little better now, since you hadn't read the comment I was referring to. I apologize again. :)

Thank you for cluing me in on the downvoting! I'm fairly new to reddit, and this was a conundrum to me. It's a shame that downvoting still happens at all then. If the mods took so much time coding the downvote pill out, then it must really be discouraged.

[–]Olipyr -1 points0 points1 point 13 years ago* (0 children) | Copy Link

I'll have to disagree with this slightly. At least here in Alabama, it's still considered gentlemanly to buy on the first date. It sets me more than a few rungs above the other guys, as well. Take her somewhere nice and it's all gravy from there. I most definitely love living up to the stereotype of the Southern Gentleman. If it gets me nowhere with the woman I went out with, it will get me somewhere with her gorgeous friends.

Besides, twenty to thirty bucks for some good conversation and the possibility of even just making a new friend, if not more, is worth it to me. I can understand if that's a lot to some people but if that's the case, cook at home or cook at her place. Paying for dinner is NOT going to make her look at you as a lap dog or whatever you think it will. What YOU do before, during, and after the dinner will. If you have the personality of a flea, you're not getting anywhere.

That being said, if I just want to fuck the girl, there's no way in hell I'm buying dinner. I MIGHT bring a bottle of mid-range wine over. I love me some fine wine. If I want to establish good rapport and secure future dates, I do not mind paying for dinner.

EDIT: It also helps that I'm quite good looking and a bit of a cocky/funny asshole.

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