Is it too late to for him want me? Can Long term FWB turn serious?

Volkasha · 2019-08-14T05:51:00+00:00

Stop sleeping with him. Full stop.

Honestly what you should do is work on yourself and put this guy on the back burner. Be his friend from a distance. Go to therapy. Go to the gym to help build the confidence in your body again. Make healthier choices. Do things you love And find new hobbies!

One of two things will then happen;

He will miss you and he will see the woman you’re becoming. Then you lay boundaries and say you’re done being promiscuous and only want that kind of relationship with a man who is willing to commit to you.
You realize you can do better than him and you find a man a milllion times better for you that helps you grow.

Emilystar82 · 2019-08-14T05:10:31+00:00

He doesn’t want you as a girlfriend and no amount of weight you lose or work you do on yourself will change that. Think about yourself and the way you feel about men, you either like someone in that way or you don’t. Obviously for him the spark isn’t there. I feel you will waste your entire life trying to be better for this man only for him to turn around and eventually leave you on your own for someone else. If he wanted you in that way you’d be together by now. Stop sleeping with him cause you’ll never get over him if you don’t. To be honest if I were you I’d cut all ties so that you can eventually get move on and meet someone who loves you just the way you are.

NicoleInBlue · 2019-08-14T05:52:34+00:00

I would say it's possible to revert the situation.

The first thing you need to do is distance from him. You are clearly not enjoying the status you have now and no amount of self work will change it if you keep sleeping with him. Someone once said the definition of madness is doing the same thing and expecting different result. So

Get out of the relationship. No contact for at least six months, if not more.

Lose the weight and improve your appearance so you are content with it.

Focus on your psychological issues (seeking validation, low confidence) and work on building healthy self esteem.

After that you can you can meet him and decide if you want to pursue a relationship. But you owe it to yourself to improve first. Don't try to change for him and fit his ideal, it will be disastrous even if it works for the short term. The only way to switch the dynamic is to abandon what you have now and come back with a new body and new mindset. Even if it doesn't work out with him, you will have more options and won't be in the situation you are now.

Also, read the sidebar. He already gets everything he wants from you without putting effort and committing. You won't make him commit by losing weight and doing wife duties, you will just make his position over you better. No matter how good of friends you are, he is using you and you are letting that happen. End it now. Better deal with a few months of the miserable feeling of being an alpha widow than spending any more of your time being used by that alpha and getting nothing in the end.

Sobinia · 2019-08-14T09:32:58+00:00

He's getting all of the benefits of being in a relationship with you, without having to give anything in return. Why on Earth would he want this situation to change? He'll never commit to you if you keep "rewarding" him for such behaviour. My advice? Cut off all contact with him and work on yourself. Otherwise, you'll waste what's left of your prime years, hit the wall and, instead of a family with him, you'll end up with 10 cats. I'm sorry if I sound harsh, moralising or rude. I've been in a situation that was similar to yours (luckily, it did not last for 8 years) and, as far as I know, this is the best thing to do. Once he realises that you've lost your weight and started enjoying life again, he might try to come back to you. If he does so, make sure to set clear boundaries and stick to them.

RedPillMissionary · 2019-08-14T04:11:46+00:00

If he really respected you, he wouldnt use you. I know a lot of women who wasted decades of their lives being some guys booty call. He will never see them as marriage material because he has a different list of criteria for that. Now these women are past the age of having children and they have broken down and cried with me on several occasions. If you want a family and children, you may not want to balance that all on whether or not you can stay skinny for some man. Regardless of your conversations, chances are that he has a low opinion of you. He knows you have feelings, and he knows you deserve a happy family, or someone who loves you and respects you as you are.

red_philosopher · 2019-08-14T04:00:51+00:00

I stopped posting here a while ago, but if you really want this man in your life, you need to stop making excuses for yourself and get serious about fixing your problems. You're obviously attractive enough to get him in bed with you, and he has conversations with you that go beyond mere plate status.

All good things. He even told you that things "would be different" if you prioritized "certain things":

He's made comments when angry about how different my life would be if I prioritized 'certain things'

And I think you are probably mistaken here:

and I know by 'certain things' he means weight loss and fitness.

Certain things involves getting your issues worked out. Going to therapy and getting serious about fixing your problems. Demonstrating that you are willing to be more than you are. Being someone worth committing to. Performing self-care and valuing your body and giving it the things it needs. Not spiralling out of control when things get hard and crushing yourself in the process. Supporting him and his life and being a part of it.

Physical attractiveness is only one side of the coin. You have to have the mental fortitude to be a place for him as well. If not, he will eventually find someone who will. And then, it's too late.

So get your act together and make real progress if this is truly what you want.

Sobinia · 2019-08-14T04:25:53+00:00

If you are overweight lose the extra weight But remember that your body shape (from what you wrote you sound like a hourglass) can not be changed. You will surely be able to be thinner, but never as a rectangle.

allmycatsaregay · 2019-08-14T13:40:24+00:00

About your weight: it is clearly having a big effect on your confidence and self esteem, so you need to take care of that before you can get into a relationship with ANYONE. If you don’t you will always be suspicious of your partners motivations or think less of him because he “settled for you while you were fat.” It’s hard to hear I know, but you need to be at your best mentally and physically when you meet someone you’re going to be with long term.

I have no idea if you need to lose 5lbs or 50 and it’s really not relevant, because it’s all about what will make you feel confident enough to be appealing.

Also, my two cents are that your booty call guy isn’t a solid future prospect for a secure and happy marriage. I’d stop sleeping with and maybe even communicating with him. If you meet a really valuable man and are still hung up on this other guy he will be able to tell and won’t take you seriously.

Best of luck with the weight loss. I think intermittent fasting is very helpful.

smokeythecat420 · 2019-08-14T23:15:48+00:00

Hi there, male commenter here. Going to offer perspective from the other side.

Just like women, men value different attributes for short term casual, and long term serious relationships, although there is some overlap. It is stated in the red pill community that men value looks and youth the most, and this is generally true. At 25 you still have youth on your side, but this window is closing as you get older.

What men value for a long term partner that we have a hard time finding today is: loyalty and devotion.

In the age of feminism and female empowerment, women tend to enjoy exercising their sexual freedom. While this is nice for us guys when we want to be players, it actually disqualifies most women from being relationship material in our minds.

While I generally agree with the other commenters about working on yourself, don't underestimate how attractive dedication, devotion, and loyalty can be to a man who is seeking out long term pair bonding.

P.s. i wouldn't recommend trying to "gain hand" by being distant or making him chase you, as some have suggested. If he really is a high value man with options, one of two things will happen when you do this: he will drop you as a plate and just see other girls, or he will give up hand and you will paradoxically feel less attracted to him as a result.

Good luck!

parasempe · 2019-08-14T04:39:21+00:00

I’m going to be blatantly honest because I wish I had someone who was with me. I would have avoided a lot of unnecessary heart ache. If he were the man of your dreams, he would accept you for who you are. Also, the more you stop caring if he wants you or not, the more he’ll want you. Date other people. Fuck other people if you want to. Just focus on your life. Tons of men love plus sized women. No one is watching you in disgust due to your size. I really don’t know why you think that your size is such an issue and why he thinks it is too. 8 years is way too long. After three years or less, if nothing serious occurs, I’m usually out of there. I don’t have time to waste. It’s my life, and since he won’t make it ours, it’s always going to be my life. Also because we were never officially dating, there is no real reason to keep him around. He’s been stringing you along for so many years, and that’s a long time. He could literally be blocking the path to you finding someone who will love you unconditionally. At the end of the day, you will do what you feel is right. But I’d say see other people, and give it 6 more months. If nothing turns around with him, you may need to just leave him in the past.

slynn2 · 2019-08-14T14:46:26+00:00

Hi ,I hope am not repeating what someone has said. I have a large family mostly male cousins and brothers and they're honest with me regarding the way men think. Men categorise women when they meet them and interact with them. In this case you're a FWB. It's going to be very difficult for you to move from a FWB to Girlfriend. You offer him easy sex, in return for almost no investment in you.My advice is it's best for you to move on, and work on loving yourself first. This will lead to you getting a man that makes you feel everything this man is plus will actually treat you right.

Title	Is it too late to for him want me? Can Long term FWB turn serious?
Author	xoutofoffice
Upvotes	15
Comments	31
Date	August 14, 2019 3:40 AM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/cq47dl/is_it_too_late_to_for_him_want_me_can_long_term/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/is-it-too-late-to-for-him-want-me-can-long-term.248143 https://theredarchive.com/post/248143

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