Something I realised about femininity by talking about masculinity.

A few days ago, I was helping a young boy, maybe 16, about some issues he was dealing with. We were using the same server for a RPG (nerdy, I know 😂) and I saw that he was struggling with the male role models in his life and being “macho.” All the men he had seen told him to behave a certain way and that he felt it just wasn’t him. It led me to telling him that masculinity was for him to define, not society or other men.

And then it made me realise just how polluted femininity was by society and other men. Ruth Bader Ginsburg had said that something like being a woman is about being independent and strong. But that’s not what we’re taught. We’re taught (more like it’s shoved down our throats) that femininity is your uterus, it’s having children which just doesn’t apply to everyone. They say it’s having breasts which also doesn’t apply to everyone.

Then it reminded me of some femininity channels (that honestly were not that great 🙄) and how they preach against expressing masculine energy as a woman, masculine energy being any kind of assertive bone in your body. So many awful and confusing messages from both men and women.

It made me realise that the only way we are going to be happy and true is if we define femininity for ourselves. So this is my question to you lovely ladies, what is femininity to you?

My femininity is aggressive, as it should be for me. My femininity is unbashedly proud and demanding.

My femininity has nothing to do with my womb but everything to do with my compassion and empathy. I disdain and criticise those who don’t share such warmth.

My femininity is me not accepting anything less than what I want. It is uncompromising and stern.

My femininity isn’t docile, beautiful and subservient, she is angry and vindictive, she has teeth.

My femininity is the result of society, she is the reaction to everything in my life and she has become who I need her to be. Unflinching, uncaring about those beneath her, snappy, witty, assertive, fun.

My femininity has nothing to do with the length of my nails (although I do adore acrylics 😍), she has talons that she uses to claw her way ahead. My femininity is about being one of the many intelligent women in the room.

She is solid and daunting like a tall statue, her purpose is not to nurture or protect or look pretty. I may be a caring person and I may have the desire to help, but that is not my femininity. My femininity is a force above my humanity.

What is your femininity?