How do you find the motivation to keep going?

sunwukong15 · 2014-12-08T02:57:57+00:00

Life is meaningless. Accept that.

Learn to create meaning through experience. That is the only place you will ever find it.

Smitty6 · 2014-12-07T23:55:41+00:00

Are you actually meeting people when you go out? It's not only that you improve yourself as a man but that you actually socialize. If you aren't doing that then your going to stay alone. It's good that your working on yourself and that your ok with being a lone. It's just that if you have a goal of meeting new people and meeting women then you have to do that too.

Continue to work on your fitness. Continue working hard at your job. Continue dressing well. Now work on actually meeting people. Approach people who surround you when you go get coffee, at a bar, concert, or grocery store. Just say hello and ask how they are doing. Your not always going to click with somebody. But you will click with some people and the more you talk with people the more you will meet people who will click with you.

I would also recommend improving your attitude. Where you say your not attractive enough. That is the biggest thing that is holding you back. You've gotta believe in yourself. If you don't then you will communicate to others that you think your a loser. You may not say it but your body language will say it. In your voice it will say it. And you won't even bother trying because you have this belief in yourself that holds you back. Work on your attitude.

Don't worry about what others say, you have gotta work on what you say about yourself. If your working hard, doing the things that are necessary to improve yourself them that is good enough. You just need to tell yourself that and believe it. Then it will translate to your life and how you carry yourself.

FunAndFreedom · 2014-12-07T23:56:00+00:00

First thing is stop being a cry baby. It's as simple as "not crying". Your woe is me attitude is going to dry out pussies faster than anything. Confidence on the other hand will make a 6/10 guy seem like a 9/10 in most eyes.

Second is realize that your attractiveness is not determined by your physical features, it's by your SMV. And SMV is determined by context. For instance, if you are an in shape college graduate who plays guitar in a liberal city, tinder might not be the answer. Going to a bar might not be the answer either. But my god, I can't see you failing if you were playing an open mic at a club. I have a buddy who is an average 25 year old and has spent the past year with a hot 18 year old who loved his music. That's just an example.

Lastly, understand that this is all practice and putting yourself in the right situations. You didn't just pick up a guitar and start playing, you practiced. For me, I figured out the situations that worked best for me over half a decade ago and have never struggled to find plates since then. But to get to that point I had a 6-8 month awkward phase. It sucked. But by persisting I got a great deal of success that my younger self couldn't fathom.

bobbatosakosanose · 2014-12-08T02:39:17+00:00

We want to conserve energy. So attach an energy cost to actions you wish to avoid. These actions are normally less energy expensive, like smoking or eating, etc. I always attach 20 pushups to any desire to eat something I shouldn't, or waste time watching TV. My mind equates that its too energy expensive to watch TV compared to continuing work that needs to be done, thus it becomes easier for me to avoid taking wasteful actions. Over time it becomes a habit. We are wired to earn our pleasure. Like a greulling hunt before a meal, etc.

Tl:Dr.. Leisure activities are often less energy consuming than work activities. Attaching an artificial energy cost to them makes them expensive in terms of energy. And the brain begins to take the energy cost into account eventually.

I don't think the brain cares about cost in terms of time and opportunity. It only cares about energy.

ordinaryleastsquared · 2014-12-08T04:13:38+00:00

I was in an identical situation four years ago when I was 25, played guitar, moved from Georgia to Denver, though for grad school. My strategy was just to persue a social life first, get some friends, join a social sports league, play open mics, get some hobbies that are popular in your area (I got into rock climbing).

Just find some way to get involved somehow in something you enjoy and presents social events and allow you to grow in some way. 25 is not your peak, no where close.

If your not supper outgoing, just going out alone without a context is not going to be your thing, try doing some meetup groups. That actually built my confidence, meeting up with a group of strangers and being sociable and cool. I got dates from this.

Other than that, it takes balls to move by yourself somewhere far away from home and your HS and college friends. Most people don't do this, your already on the right track.

4_YRT · 2014-12-07T22:53:05+00:00

The other thing I struggle with is just knowing I'm not really attractive. The general consensus from people I know, tinder, and reddit is that I'm just average. A 6 or maybe a 7.

If you're average, you're a 5. If you're not really attractive you are <5.

aguy01 · 2014-12-08T02:54:22+00:00

Eat more calories, dont train so hard. Your mood isnt determined by you situation, its determined by your hormones. You sound underfed and underrecovered.

StarwaysCongress · 2014-12-08T01:40:34+00:00

You're lacking self-amusement. If you learn how to laugh and have more fun you'll have no problem growing a social circle and banging hordes of women. This means going out and practicing, a lot.

TheJohnDough · 2014-12-08T03:06:22+00:00

I am a young musician/producer/dj. I look at big artist and see myself up there with them, then I go work on music. I look at a fine ass bitch, and know I could fuck the shit out of her if I kept on working out or if my music would be recognized and I would be famous. Try to think of the endless possibilities that could happen if you worked hard. Done? Now stop mentally jerking off and go do that shit!

Real8inchDong · 2014-12-08T07:45:27+00:00

There's not one guy who you have hit it off with since moving? From your post I can infer that you are probably introverted and you expend a lot of energy when trying to make small talk with other people along with doing things that involve large groups of people.

There's hope man. I'm introverted as well and socializing is not and never will be something that comes natural to me. It's almost scripted sometimes when I'm forced to be in a situation that involves chatting it up to strangers. As some other people said it does indeed take a lot of practice and time. Learn to enjoy interacting with new people, there is ALWAYS something interesting about someone that you can find out about them in a conversation.

What also helps me is to let go of inhibitions with a few drinks convo flows much more naturally. You're too much in your own head and constantly analyzing your behaviour and mannerisms. Enjoy the experience. Never go out with the intention of meeting a woman, go out with the goal of having a good time and enjoying yourself. Positivity will radiate from you without trying and people will naturally gravitate towards you.

A few good nights out will create a snowball effect of you gaining more confidence in your abilities and you WILL get better at it.

One last thing, it definitely helps if you have a buddy to hit the town with so try and join some kind of group activity like a fitness bootcamp, something of that nature to meet cool people who can bring you out of your shell. Don't be afraid to open up and express that you just recently moved there and if there's any good spots to chill out. Usually once you get cool with someone they'll introduce you to their friends and before long you'll have a whole network of people to hang out with.

Dubiousxy · 2014-12-07T22:39:39+00:00

Because the result of giving up is far worse than pushing yourself everyday. Just go to your shopping mall and have a look around. Do you really want to end up like those "people"

sir_wankalot_here · 2014-12-08T05:05:11+00:00

Maybe bad advice on my behalf.

I just wanted to take a drive downtown, get some coffee, read, and walk around.

Ok so you seem to like to do more quiet activities which is cool. Use the tips here to make an online dating profile. You are not even close to your peak, 25 is young. Start going after cougars, they are lots of fun and good for young puppies.

The bar scene is like a meat market, unless things have changed since I was your age. I don't know if anyone has mentioned it here, but for the bar scene I would always do pre-selection before I approached a chick. Look for chicks that look like they want to hookup.

The other 50% of the time I was actually picked up by chicks. Usually I would lean against the bar in a fairly visible place, look calm and relaxed, have a drink. Every time chicks would pass by I would make eye contact. Usually some chick would always talk to me. Then I would ask her if she wants to dance. When dancing with her make some moves on her and if she didn't protest basically I knew it was in the bag. They where not the highest quality chicks I admit, but I got laid 😃

There are also different types of bars. So cougars usually hang out at different bars, find out where they are. So if I was having no luck in a regular bar, a couple hours before closing I would head over to a cougar bar. Usually it would be like shooting fish in a barrel. So I would act mature and ask a cougar to dance or just talk to one. Usually cougars are happy to get attention from young puppies like you 😃 Cougars taught me all sorts of shit.

As somebody said here stop being a wet blanket. These are the things that worked for me. You have to figure out your own system. If you are a 6 or 7 bang chicks that are 5 and above. Guys here are always saying women should stop being so fussy. My opinion since you are just nailing the chick, not marrying her who cares 😃 As for the it lowers your quality if you nail low quality chicks that is just male hamstering 😃

Wheat-Thins · 2014-12-08T06:10:15+00:00

Are you constantly pushing past the edges of your comforty zone? Going out isnt enough, you need to push yourself. Confidence is the reward for being courageous in the past.

oldredder · 2014-12-08T08:51:34+00:00

Meh.

Don't have or need motivation for a social life. My motivation is for things which have real value to me in survival. Work on who I am now, what I have now & what I will continue to do to survive & thrive. I care nothing for the rest. A little social life is fine but I'm not breaking my back to get it happening. It simply doesn't have the returns that good diet, budgeting, exercise & over-time at work do. Even promotions at work currently don't look so hot so that's not something I'm motivated for.

If I really wanted to be motivated for a bigger social life like I once had I could do it but it would sacrifice tons of things today that are higher value.

I thought doing all these things for myself would result in friends and women

That's kind of the opposite of doing things for yourself.

I don't know how to have the confidence to go out alone and my motivation is dwindling.

Sounds to me like fear. Not lack of motivation. Sounds like you like your comfort zone & need to learn to exit it to learn something. You need to exit the comfort-zone on a regular basis. When I go out, I do this. I limit when I go out to manage my budget of dollars & time, not out of fear, but out of knowing the real cost of doing so equally some other number of food items or hours I need to do things like laundry, dishes, exercise, and make my choice.

MysticSpoon · 2014-12-08T10:14:57+00:00

It my experience means anything to you, looks don't mean shit. I've been told be plenty of girls that I know that I'm extremely attractive and that I could have anyone that I want. Some even went as far as telling me all of their friends felt the same way about me. That doesn't mean shit because I still struggle with meeting new women. Confidence in yourself is the biggest thing. I'm still working on it, and honestly you having a career says you're a lot further along than I am. I think the most unnattractive part of me is that I have no sense of direction or clue what I want to do with my life. That's what makes me feel unconfident and without me even trying it shows through in my body language as well as when I speak. Work on your confidence. I notice that I have a lot more luck when I'm feeling particularly happy and confident than when I have a negative vibe going into the who thing.

vnjxk · 2014-12-08T10:26:54+00:00

My best motivation is having a friend-mentor, he checks on me and makes sure I do alright. And not going to the gym (for ex.) will not only disappoint me but him too

Rhunta · 2014-12-08T12:50:46+00:00

I would recommend getting a hobby. That is productive. Make music, draw, skydive just something cool. You will find new people. And you will never have many real friends. 3 real friends is enough what you can handle, because you should be a busy man.

reel_nikkas_dot_com · 2014-12-08T13:44:05+00:00

Hey I've mastered the art of meeting people I've met like 40 people since April and May be out of those theres 4 or 5 meaningful people

NeopolitanAfterglow · 2014-12-08T16:39:51+00:00

What do I do?

At this point you're "pot committed", so you may as well go all in. Just randomly hit on women. "Wow, you are gorgeous. " Maybe they'll be uncomfortable? Who gives a fuck? Their comfort is not your problem. Just make sure you only do this with legitimately gorgeous women. The last thing you want is some 5/10 parading you around with her arm around your elbow.

rpscrote · 2014-12-08T17:23:55+00:00

Form a band, network through them. Instant increased social circle. I did this and it was the single largest expansion in my social circle. My problem is im now kinda in the metal circle, which is dreadfully devoid of chicks... Play shows with other bands. Figure out which dudes in the other bands are cool. Become friends, hang out. +Social circle. Do some studio work with other dudes in other bands, become friends, +social circle. Collaborate on music once you've met people around. I get dudes from bands I played with periodically ask me to fill for a member whos missing or to replace them if they leave

soulmatter · 2014-12-08T18:17:33+00:00

I find the motivation to keep going by reminding myself that I'm awesome no matter what people tell me.

No matter what society, culture, religion, family, friends or even my own sense of conscience tell me. I'm still alive, I'm awesome. I'm not going to let anything in my past or current situation make me feel guilty, shameful, or make me regret being alive or being who I am.

I will not be afraid to simply exist and be human. I will not let any preconceived rules of morality shame me into fear, pity, and a false sense of humbleness. I will embrace the pride of myself. Pride is not deadly -- zero pride is deadly. Therefore I will be proud to be me.

I will not be afraid to make others think I'm not so great instead of myself. I will be brave and have the courage to speak out for myself.

My motivation is proving to myself that only I have the power to move myself forward.

BlackHeart89 · 2014-12-09T14:21:30+00:00

Keep doing what you're doing. Lifting weights, indulging in your hobbies, building your career, etc. Also, you robably shouldn't have moved to a place where you know no one if you're just starting out. Before you can walk, you crawl. And then your job doesn't have any people you can hang with. But fuck it, you're there now. Maybe you can find some sort of activities or volunteer groups or something in order to meet people. It'll force you to interact at least a little bit.

Movonnow · 2014-12-09T18:10:00+00:00

Seems like depression to me.

KoreanBoy1 · 2014-12-08T07:37:20+00:00

I purposely put myself in a challenging environment. So I have to always push myself to survive.

the99percent1 · 2014-12-08T04:42:47+00:00

Sounds like you need more energy. Take up a sport and hit the gym more often. 3 times a week or more.

Do 12 reps for 3 sets, push yourself to accomplish this.

Start talking to people at the gym. Ask the more experience guys to show you lifting techniques.

Join cross fit if you really want to socialize.

When you start meeting people, they might want to hang out and organise more social affairs. Girls are likely to show up to such events. Chat them up. Flirt and Hit on them.

It doesn't matter what city or country you are in.. these basic rules will open up your social circle.

Title	How do you find the motivation to keep going?
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	32
Comments	28
Date	December 7, 2014 10:24 PM UTC (11 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/TheRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/2ol6sr/how_do_you_find_the_motivation_to_keep_going/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/TheRedPill/how-do-you-find-the-motivation-to-keep-going.25988 https://theredarchive.com/post/25988

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