Are people who get friendzoned acting entitled or are they just acting with low confidence?

wtknight · 2018-09-16T04:42:18+00:00

I think that they're only acting entitled if they resist being rejected romantically (being a "Nice Guy"). Otherwise being friendzoned is either the result of low confidence by not initially asking a woman out when initially attracted to her and before trying to befriend her, or it's just an unfortunate situation if the guy eventually develops feelings for someone who was already a friend but she ends up not reciprocating those feelings.

beachredwhine · 2018-09-16T06:17:53+00:00

They are people who can't or won't accept their current reality.

Some of them are entitled, some are cowards, some are stupid, some are naive, some are chronic victims, and some are simply mishandling a bummer situation.

Making demands from unwilling people is an entitled behavior that is very common with the type of guy who bitches about being "friendzoned", but it's not necessary

Whodunnit88 · 2018-09-16T02:52:33+00:00

None of the above. Also, your title is a loaded question. Is it even allowed?

Friendzoned men are just not valuable for the said woman as romance or sexual partners.

Confidence may boost your value but it is a minor aspect of the overall. You can easily get a woman without confidence if you have enough in major valuable aspects.

YaAmar · 2018-09-16T07:55:49+00:00

I personally think it's low confidence because if they were acting entitled they would have made a move long ago.

Men get friendzoned because they aren't sexually attractive as sexual partners or as romantic partners by the women who've befriended them. Low confidence in a guy don't mean much, if she's sufficiently attracted to his looks. Also, a guy who isn't aware of his hotness isn't likely to go out and take advantage of it, and chicks worry about that happening all the time.

GridReXX · 2018-09-16T04:36:29+00:00

People who use the phrase “friendzoned” are actively in it and choose that state, mostly because they’re afraid this will happen:

They’re afraid that if they are transparent with their feelings, the other person will reject them.

Then it will be potentially awkward for both parties and they will have to decide if it’s worth it to continue hanging out with the person who rejected them or not.

If they actually enjoy the other person’s presence and friendly interactions, they’re going to choose to stay in that “friendzone” until they build up the courage to accept that the other person could like them or could not like them.

Despite their complaining, the friendzone is actually a very comfortable zone for them.

iceicle999 · 2018-09-16T02:42:53+00:00

Guys that complain about this, although their presence is extremely exaggerated, dig their own graves. If someone isn't into you, move on, there are plenty of women out there. Or you can just relax and not bother. There are billions of souls on the planet, one getting away is not a big deal. Of course, women never stop complaining about this, because apparently there are lots of guys out there who won't make a move, and women want them to make one, and they don't, and then women fester over it because clearly they feel entitled to that male validation of being pursued and wanted.

PrefixKitten · 2018-09-16T13:47:52+00:00

People seem to conflate feeling entitled to something with feeling frustrated about failing to obtain it.

I've never felt like women owe me a relationship. I just wanna figure out where I'm making mistakes.

killallthenarcs · 2018-09-17T11:45:08+00:00

Ok. First... about friendship. Let's talk about it.

Any adult who is even slightly socially competent manages their friendships. I can be friends with this person but when they ask me to buy weed with them I must say no because it leads nowhere good. I can be friends with that person but I must carefully consider to what extent I am willing to be a shoulder to cry on in her interminable dramas. I can be friends with this other person but when he asks me to give him my cousin's phone number that's a bad idea. I can be friends with so and so but we'd better not see each other more than an hour a week if we want to stay friends. etc

We manage our friendships so they are not harmful to us. This lets us be friends with more people, people who we are quite different to in many ways. We maintain healthy distances and healthy boundaries given what we know of the person. We limit favors, access, time expenditure etc. The end result is that "friendship" covers a huge range of different behaviors between people.

"The Friendzone" is a place created when a person feels entitled to refuse to maintain boundaries and distances that are healthy for them within a friendship, and the basis for making that choice not to maintain those boundaries and distances is that sexual attraction makes them wish there were fewer boundaries and less distance... and then having abrogated their responsibility to maintain boundaries that are healthy for them they turn around and blame the other person for the fact they are not feeling so healthy and happy any more.

Yes guys who complain about the friendzone are acting entitled. Whether she's taking unfair advantage of his desire to eliminate boundaries doesn't alter the act of entitlement on his part. He played fast and loose with his responsibility to manage his friendships and then he complained that he had an unmanaged friendship on his hands. He felt entitled to have someone else manage his friendship and his covert agenda within that friendship in such a way as it turns out all fine for him and he doesn't feel he has wasted time or resources. Well guess what? He knew all along which way the time and resources were flowing. He could have stopped it any time. He was just waiting for her to decide that the time and resources were so nice that they were worth being with him intimately to secure forever.

The majority of the world can handle having some sort of friendship with a person who rejected them sexually. They can do this because they take responsibility for managing their friendships. They can do this because they accept it is their responsibility when someone says "no" to let go enough of their hope for a future "yes" that they can maintain responsibility for themselves and all the usual things people have responsibility for, such as boundaries in friendships.

Atlas_B_Shruggin · 2018-09-16T02:35:56+00:00

they are acting cowardly

[deleted] · 2018-09-16T03:27:12+00:00

Nobody is entitled to want to be desired.

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exit_sandman · 2018-09-16T04:35:15+00:00

My understanding of the friendzone was completely different in high school. It was just the state of not being on a person's radar for romantic or sexual relationships. Girls could be friendzoned, guys could be friendzoned, anybody.

The "entitlement" aspect is still a pretty new concept. It's weird for me to think of it that way because I grew up seeing the term as a completely neutral assessment of how one person perceives someone else. There were (and still are) plenty of people who were able to maintain perfectly cordial and stable interactions or even friendships despite there being unreciprocated feelings involved. So it's hard for me to understand why the term seems to be exclusively associated with entitled assholes who can't take rejection nowadays, especially online.

I feel like the the confidence part of the equation is completely different. A confident person can definitely be friendzoned, but I do think that they would be more likely to shrug it off and move on to the next person rather than fixate on someone who clearly doesn't return their feelings.

[deleted] · 2018-09-16T10:25:32+00:00

Could just be circumstances

exit_sandman · 2018-09-17T08:19:05+00:00

However, whenever the subject of friendzoned comes up on reddit I notice that there is the usual chorus of how this person is acting entitled and that they are leading the other person on by pretending to be their friend.

This is the gynocentric hivemind speaking.

These people have to put all the blame on the guy and make the women the victims in all that; because otherwise they would have to face the fact that (a) women can be users and assholes too (b) all in all, women have more power in relationships (and therefore "privilege") and (c) that the mantra that assholes and machos are unattractive and gentle and shy guys are the best thing since sliced bread is a lie and that you are better off by behaving thoroughly feminist-disapproved.

DXBrigade · 2018-09-17T23:04:30+00:00

They are entitled if they come here whining about how horrible the woman is for rejecting them. Because getting friendzoned = getting exploited by a woman for them.

pepe_the_third · 2018-09-16T03:13:11+00:00

They're human beings with unrequited feelings, but feminists can't accept that

cateml · 2018-09-16T08:01:46+00:00

is acting entitled and that they are leading the other person on by pretending to be their friend

I think the 'entitlement' point here is when those who have the romantic interest in their friend believe they are entitled to a romantic relationship with them. And the 'leading them on' is if they are pretending to be their friend in the sense that they have no interest in being this person's friend, only with being romantically involved with them eventually.

I think that the friendship is genuine

If the friendship is genuine, then the above obviously does not apply. Many times that a person has a romantic interest in their friend, they do indeed also have a genuine interest in being their friend. But sometimes they don't. Thats kind of a case by case thing.

Its not necessarily low confidence, either. A person may be romantically interested in their friend but have reason to believe their friend does not reciprocate without having to even bring it up. In that case they might just choose to leave it as raising the issue could just damage the friendship, which is also important to them, and there is no point.

Title	Are people who get friendzoned acting entitled or are they just acting with low confidence?
Author	Whodunnit88
Upvotes	4
Comments	64
Date	September 16, 2018 2:33 AM UTC (7 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/9g78g4/are_people_who_get_friendzoned_acting_entitled_or/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/are-people-who-get-friendzoned-acting-entitled-or.260818 https://theredarchive.com/post/260818

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