Let's talk about Male-Female Best Friends

dakru · 2015-07-23T21:52:00+00:00

Do you believe it is a good idea for a male to be best friends with a female he finds attractive if the male is single?

If he's the kind of guy who doesn't do very well with women, puts them on a pedestal, gets attached easily to any woman who gives him attention, and has a hard time not giving special treatment to women he finds attractive, then it's probably a bad idea.

If he's the opposite of that (confident, self-respecting, won't let his attraction for her make him give more to the friendship than she gives) then he can pull it off.

Do you believe that a female in this situation is exploiting the male best friend? Do you think she is ignorant to the fact he could very well want to have sex with her?

Well, we would have to know the specific situation to know whether she's ignorant to the fact that he wants to have sex with her, although it's pretty common for that to be the case.

As for whether she's exploiting him, it depends on whether he's putting much more into it than she is. That's commonly the case but I don't think it necessarily is the case.

Overall, do you think there is any advantages to opposite sex BFF's as opposed to same-sex BFF's?

Yes, if the conditions are right then they can offer a different perspective and different friendship dynamic.

Some comments on the article.

He genuinely likes you for your awesome personality.

It’s not your awesome rack or fantastic smile that interests him, it’s just you.

Your relationship with your guy best friend has an inherent level of depth because it has nothing to do with physical attraction or appearance. He genuinely loves you because of your character.

This is a pretty bad assumption. If you're an attractive woman, you'll have an easier time making guy friends than an unattractive woman will have, and it's not because as an attractive woman you just have a much more "awesome personality". To deny the fact that attraction often plays a role in friendships is naive.

The article says this in another place:

As mentioned earlier, your male best friend is not interested in your rack. He’s also probably well aware you guys have a 0 percent chance of having sex tonight. This gives him no choice but to listen to what you have to say.

Really? You actually think that just because there's no chance of sex that it suddenly makes "your rack" less appealing?

[deleted] · 2015-07-23T21:31:33+00:00

Basically, the article views the idea of a male best friend as the benefits of having a boyfriend, without having expectations placed on you for sex, your appearance, and what you talk about it with him.

That's...weird to me. I've had a male best friend (we're still close, though I probably wouldn't call him my "best" friend anymore) and I never thought of him as a boyfriend stand-in. We didn't do boyfriend/girlfriend stuff, he didn't buy me presents or take me out (in fact if we did go out I usually treated him, since he was broke at the time.) We were roommates for a couple years and it never got weird. We mostly just got drunk together a lot. I even "wingman"ed for him a few times.

Do you believe it is a good idea for a male to be best friends with a female he finds attractive if the male is single?

Depends on how attracted he is, I guess. If he can convince himself to get over the crush in order to preserve the friendship, I don't see a problem. That's not always easy but (usually) can be done.

Do you believe that a female in this situation is exploiting the male best friend? Do you think she is ignorant to the fact he could very well want to have sex with her?

Assuming the friendship is mutual and not one-sided, I don't see why it would be inherently exploitative. However as someone who has had a lot of male friends (and a few who developed feelings for me), I could see how such a relationship could become exploitative if the girl chose to use that knowledge to her advantage. But I don't think feelings/attractions have to ruin a friendship if neither party lets that happen. And no, most of the time I don't think the girl is ignorant if the guy has feelings for her.

Overall, do you think there is any advantages to opposite sex BFF's as opposed to same-sex BFF's?

No, I don't think one is any better than the other. I love my dude friends, I love my lady friends. Never thought of it in terms of one having "advantages" over the other.

wazzup987 · 2015-07-23T23:49:08+00:00

Do you believe it is a good idea for a male to be best friends with a female he finds attractive if the male is single?

Yes, it provides perspective, if you catch feels be honest about it, dont tamp it down and don't try to be a nice guy.

Do you believe that a female in this situation is exploiting the male best friend? Do you think she is ignorant to the fact he could very well want to have sex with her?

Sometimes but most of the time the guy if he is being exploited he is doing it to him self.

Overall, do you think there is any advantages to opposite sex BFF's as opposed to same-sex BFF's?

Yes, provided your not trying to nice guy your way in to bed and you are honest about you intentions.

but i come from a poly context and we are like why wouldn't you want to sleep with your best friend if you are so inclined.

hyperrreal · 2015-07-23T21:30:03+00:00

This was in spam. For future reference EliteDaily is on reddit's ban/spam list, and gets autoremoved.

thereddespair · 2015-07-23T21:32:50+00:00

Manipulative woman using her attractiveness and sexuality to lead on a man and extract his time, money, and energy.

News at 11.

[deleted] · 2015-07-24T00:25:42+00:00

I have a question for you, if the only resource 'exchanged' between male and female best friends is time, is still exploitation?

[deleted] · 2015-07-24T00:00:09+00:00

One of my best friends is female. She lives in a different state now but we have a long history and can talk about anything.

We also hook up though so my situation isn't normal haha.

From Valentine’s Day to the one-month anniversary of the day you started dating to the four-month anniversary of the day you first kissed to the five-month anniversary of the day you first met, relationships are filled with plenty of bullsh*t holidays for which you are forced to come up with sweet, thoughtful gifts.

Lol what guy is like "omg why didn't you get me a present for our 5 month anniversary?" haha. My bf and I just had a year together and we had sex as a celebration.

Rest of the article is spot on though.

alreadyredschool · 2015-07-23T23:54:56+00:00

In my blue pill days I had a female best friend who eventually became my girlfriend. It was the most toxic and horrible relationship, both when it was platonic and when it was dating, and it completely destroyed me as a person. That experience was the single biggest catalyst in my moving from a strong feminist to one of the internet's biggest shit lords. I would not recommend it to anyone.

betterdeadthanbeta · 2015-07-24T04:24:27+00:00

I know TRP has this circlejerk about everything being womens fault, but the "orbiter" problem is 100% the fault of weak men.

If you want a relationship/sex with a chick, make your intentions plain and just see where it goes from there. If she's not interested and you are, accept it and pursue the next woman. This stuff is not hard, but socially inept men overcomplicate it, because they want so desperately to not be rejected. (I know -- I was one).

There is like a sliver of women who actively seek to string men along, but they are rare, and easily dealt with. If you happen to be naive enough to fall into their game, tough shit. Take it as a learning experience and move on.

atlantic698 · 2015-07-23T21:36:13+00:00

3 is obvious. women are better wingmen and have the opposite perspective.

[deleted] · 2015-07-24T03:27:58+00:00

My ex's best friend was female .....

[deleted] · 2015-07-24T05:21:40+00:00

1.Do you believe it is a good idea for a male to be best friends with a female he finds attractive if the male is single?

https://pbs.twimg.com/media/B2DTyMlCEAAbpQU.png

2.Do you believe that a female in this situation is exploiting the male best friend? Do you think she is ignorant to the fact he could very well want to have sex with her?

I'd like to think no one could be this retarded, but I visit PPD regularly, so I guess that's a possibility

3.Overall, do you think there is any advantages to opposite sex BFF's as opposed to same-sex BFF's?

For a woman, yes

For a man, https://pbs.twimg.com/media/B2DTyMlCEAAbpQU.png

[deleted] · 2015-07-24T07:07:55+00:00

If he is fine with being friends there is no problem, if he really wants more than she does and he won't get it, for his own well-being then he should move on.
If they are friends, then they should both be getting some value from that friendship. If her best friend is getting the things he wants out of their friendship, then no he is not being exploited.
I don't think there are any additional advantages.

alreadyredschool · 2015-07-24T08:23:43+00:00

He’ll honestly tell you what that dress looks like on you.

I do that with my GF

You can order whatever you want at dinner.

She pays for her own stuff

He genuinely likes you for your awesome personality.

I won't commit to a bitch

No need to engage in the world’s dumbest texting conversations.

I don't have them

You don’t have to buy him gifts for random bullsh*t holidays.

I don't gift her stuff and don't expect gifts, she still bakes me cakes and occasionally I get stuff, I even got something to her birthday.

So the article is mostly bullshit.

Do you believe it is a good idea for a male to be best friends with a female he finds attractive if the male is single?

Why not?

Do you believe that a female in this situation is exploiting the male best friend? Do you think she is ignorant to the fact he could very well want to have sex with her?

Only if the guy lets her. Very often yes, they are willfully ignorant.

Overall, do you think there is any advantages to opposite sex BFF's as opposed to same-sex BFF's?

Sure

Md655321 · 2015-07-30T01:34:58+00:00

Over the years I've had a few female "best" friends and things were good for the most part. The only real downside I've experienced is some slight jealously from my romantic partner. The advantage is more party invites and free drugs and alcohol from dudes trying to hit on my friend. Honestly I've been the one to exploit the situation.

wtknight · 2015-07-23T21:50:06+00:00

I don't think I could personally be just friends with a female who I was attracted to if I were single, but it depends upon the guy.
I don't think she is ignorant. I think many women are naive to how strong the urges are that men have, but I don't think they are completely clueless. No, I don't think that most women who have male best friends and aren't intimate with them are exploiting them, but a few are.
I had an opposite sex best friend at one time who I was not attracted to, and who I don't think was attracted to me (at least she never admitted it). I think one advantage over having a female best friend was being able to learn more about how a typical woman thinks compared to a typical man (although you have to be careful not to overgeneralize as individual women are very different). Also, by having a female best friend it helped me learn not to pedestalize women. It was no accident that I didn't get my first girlfriend in life until after I had a female best friend (a different woman).

[deleted] · 2015-07-23T21:54:53+00:00

Do you believe it is a good idea for a male to be best friends with a female he finds attractive if the male is single?

No. He's almost always a beta orbiter.

Do you believe that a female in this situation is exploiting the male best friend? Do you think she is ignorant to the fact he could very well want to have sex with her?

She might be exploiting the situation. She is exploiting it if she makes him his beta orbiter, knowing he wants sex.

She is not ignorant of the fact that he could want sex with her. If he wants sex with her he will probably make that fact known in an oblique way. She will know whether he's overt or covert about it.

Ladies,generally, if a man is spending time with you or acknowledging your existence, he probably wants to have sex with you.

Overall, do you think there is any advantages to opposite sex BFF's as opposed to same-sex BFF's?

Opposite sex BFFs are great for the women; bad for the man.

cats_or_get_out · 2015-07-23T22:30:19+00:00

Nope. Men and women cannot be best friends.

Title	Let's talk about Male-Female Best Friends
Author	gavinok
Upvotes	4
Comments	39
Date	July 23, 2015 7:55 PM UTC (10 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/3ed0yy/lets_talk_about_malefemale_best_friends/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/lets-talk-about-male-female-best-friends.280802 https://theredarchive.com/post/280802

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