I feel he is too relaxed and too focused on online games and the church,' -Relationship Issue

adrixshadow · 2015-06-01T15:22:06+00:00

This is the quality of men that crop up from our shitty society.

Kick him out and don't let him back until he becomes a man.

haircombsnightmare · 2015-06-01T17:19:54+00:00

The first advice sounded alright. The second, just no. You can't expect someone to work, do the chores and take care of the kids while you play videogames. Where is your dignity as a human being? Where are you in this family and life? I would say only someone with depression could do that.

If he was always like this or if he changed after marriage is the key point. If he was always like this, I'm sorry for her naively hoping he would change, but she had her clues. If he changed, I would start looking on reasons why. Find out if he's depressed.

Right now, he's acting like a kid, not an adult. Unless she was planning to adopt a second baby and being a single mother, I'd tell her to start acting.

TheGreasyPole · 2015-06-01T13:22:13+00:00

What do you think they should do?

Well the article answers were targetted at the girl. So I'll answer this Q as if advising the girl...

1) Get over to RPW. They are the girl experts. Don't listen to a man like me, listen to them..... but....

2) Unless you want to be the breadwinner forever, and don't want a male pulling his weight, fold this hand and move on. This one ain't a captain for your ship, darling. Living at a parents house and playing video games ? Seems like he's practically begging you to dump his ass. Maybe thats what he really wants ?

What would you do in the situation?

Now I'll pretend I'm advising the man.

1) If you don't want this chick, carry on as you are doing, get all the sex you can before she leaves... Because she's leaving, and probably soon. But, seeing as you are in mom's basement, you have little to lose in the divorce anyway. If video games and church are what you want ? Keep playing your hand this way, she'll fold it for you soon enough.

2) Want to keep and play this hand ? Don't want to fold and be dealt another ? Then.... PULL YOUR FINGER OUT YOUR ASS, SON... Go get a fucking job. Jeez. It's only the lowest bar every male has to clear to keep a wife and kids. If you aren't even trying to clear this bar ? Well, you deserve everything you're about to get.

Is the advice in the article good?

Not the greatest. Could have done with less molly-coddling and more "Here is choice A, here is choice B, there is no choice C available".

It's hard for a male to evaluate the usefulness of their advice to a chick with male RP knowledge (you'll need an RPW to properly gender reverse)..... But it looks pretty standard BP advice from the everything will be nice as long as you are nice and he is nice and you make nice things happen together nicely rule set.

buartha · 2015-06-01T14:51:04+00:00

What do you think they should do? What would you do in the situation?

In terms of what I'd do/ what I think would work:

Number one would be getting him to an individual counsellor, not a marriage counselor. He could have issues with stress or depression, but even if he doesn't, he sounds like he could use the help of someone external to the situation to assess what his priorities actually are.

In terms of practical changes that can be made now, I'd say it would be best to get him to agree to cutting off the internet for a month, maybe more.

Getting feedback and stimulation from the virtual world makes some people less dependent on that provided in real life, and I suspect that the husband is that type of person. Some people will become less motivated to do even basic things like contributing financially or domestically to their household if they get all the validation they need through fantasy worlds, and going cold turkey on it might help make him more productive in the real world.

However, all of the above requires his active participation, as cutting off the internet without his agreement is likely just going to make him resentful. After all, she's tried tough love and ultimatums and they haven't worked for more than a few months.

Judging from how quickly he's moved to tears, as well as the dependence on external validation, he sounds like the kind of man who would benefit from being propped up and have his confidence bolstered a bit; less 'why do you contribute nothing' and more 'you have so much to give, let me help you find the best outlet for that.' He likely already feels useless, so nagging him is just going to cut him down further. It'll take time and effort to build him up, but assuming that he is genuinely well-intentioned, it's possible with time.

That said, I don't believe that there's much that can be done at this point. Saving them requires effort from both parts, and just as he seems lost in his own world she seems too frustrated and revolted by him to put the effort in on her side. She no longer has any desire to make him happy, and he seems to feel the same about her, and that's far more damaging than most other incompatibilities.

Is the advice in the article good?

Much of it is true ('if his behavior has been consistent and you chose to marry a man who devotes his time to video games and his church, you can scarcely complain if he carries on in the same fashion after you exchanged your vows' in particular seems accurate) but very little of it is useful.

It would be most useful to confront her with the fact that she likely no longer wants to save their marriage, so she can either try to change her demeanor and see if there are any results or come to peace with that and end the relationship. She already knows that she can leave, so just saying that is pointless.

cxj · 2015-06-01T19:54:15+00:00

Why the fuck did she marry and have a child with such a guy in the first place

blametheboogie · 2015-06-02T01:33:25+00:00

It sounds like this chump has always been like this, she made a very unwise choice in starting a family with this guy. He sounds awful but she was very careless in not evaluating him for potential as a husband and father before getting serious with him.

If he refuses to try to act like an adult with a family she may need to see about getting out so she can start over without the dead weight.

BeyondTheLight · 2015-06-01T13:23:20+00:00

Well. I thought that the advice from the woman as a "psychologist" was lousy. Not because she was wrong, but because she didn't tackle the problem that the husband doesn't do anything at all. Zero, zilch and you name it. He even "bitches", when he asked to do something, while the wife is working and taking care of the children. The least he could do is keep the house clean, cook and take care of the child. It isn't that much especially if he has time to play video games. That is just laziness on his part. Also it isn't just his life. He is living with 2 other persons, namely the wife and his child. It is one thing that he wants something, but he has to accommodate their needs as well. I would even say that his needs have the lowest priority here, as he doesn't do anything at all. I think that the advice from the man was spot on. She can give him the benefit of the doubt and try to work this out and if all else fails, well just get rid of that chain. If anything he seems to not just add anything. He inflicts pain and frustration as well, then it just isn't worth it anymore. Love isn't unconditional and it shouldn't be, that is so unhealthy. Anyway this is my opinion on basis what is written. For all I know he could be doing a lot of other things that we don't know off.

[deleted] · 2015-06-01T14:34:35+00:00

She should try to warn him the kind way and if it doesn't work , she should use dread game .

Title	I feel he is too relaxed and too focused on online games and the church,' -Relationship Issue
Author	masterrod
Upvotes	3
Comments	16
Date	June 1, 2015 12:55 PM UTC (11 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/382qnv/i_feel_he_is_too_relaxed_and_too_focused_on/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/i-feel-he-is-too-relaxed-and-too-focused-on-online.281844 https://theredarchive.com/post/281844

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