Partnered people - what's is life like in your household?

[deleted] · 2015-05-11T08:16:56+00:00

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purple_lock · 2015-05-11T14:07:49+00:00

I'll bite and give you the first semi-negative description.

Recently turned Red Edit: should say reddish not completely red

We've been together for almost 5 years. Things aren't great. We're in an extremely rough patch at the moment.

She can be very emotional, and her mood affects everything. If something happens, even if it has nothing to do with me, she gets snappy and terse, and is unable to filter it when interacting with me. I personally would never allow that to happen, and in fact if I'm in a bad mood (and she's not, obviously) I go to her for comfort. (Side note: this is an example of why RP says that men's love is far less conditional than women's.)

Arguments happen. Not all the time, or even often, but also not rarely. She can be very controlling, in a way that she doesn't seem to be aware of (we've talked about it multiple times.) Funny enough, she has very little control over herself, so she will let loose insults etc when we're arguing, and say things without filtering herself at all, which often causes the argument in the first place.

I'm a gamer, trying to get into the industry as a concept artist. She's a massage therapist and is very into alternative medicine. Sometimes this causes issues, because I'm much more laid back and and can appreciate things which are a bit more..."unholy," and for her everything has to be spiritual and sacred. I've posted before about it but this has caused issues with my career, because the content that I enjoy and would like to be part of producing is generally decidedly not "sacred" (at least in the way she likes.)

This bleeds into sexuality and our sex life. I want things to be more exciting, kinkier, less "sacred," and she doesn't seem to be into that. I wish she was much more sexual and sexually open.

As for home life, she enjoys cooking so she takes the lead there, and I frequently help however I can. She's also OCD about cleaning, whereas I'm (again) quite laid back, so she also takes charge of that and I help when she needs it. I take care of any heavy lifting, handy work, and most of the pet related responsibilities (we have a cat and a sugarglider).

So this is how it's been. There's more but I don't want to go into every single detail.

Now, I'd like to add a few things which I've found interesting. First of all she is not some dumb sorority slut, or vapid bitch, or any of the other things that BP caricature as "the only women TRP applies to." And yet she has ticked most of the boxes off the list.

She Hamsters everything. The reason we've talked about her being controlling and it still happens is because of the hamster. She has a whole arsenal of excuses to why her controlling isn't really controlling, it's perfectly normal! /s

Her love seems to be quite conditional. Mine has never been that way.

I can tell she respects me and what I love/love to do much less than I her.

She has literally told me that she shit-tests me. "Sometimes I just test you to see what will happen. I don't even know why."

All of this was allowed to happen because I was so blue at the beginning of the relationship. I doted on her, never was assertive, supported her whenever possible, tried not to be dominant at all, never put my foot down, etc. I won't blame her for it, because I let it happen, but this is what the red pill helps with. And the funniest thing, is that she has straight up told me that she wants me to be more masculine, more confident (dominant) etc. She herself admits she wants that, but she's been convinced that a man ever being dominant over her is some sort of patriarchal nightmare. Thanks feminism!

I haven't really employed any of the actual strategies in my relationship (yet). All the red pill has done is open my eyes to the fact that women aren't better than men, the way they want things isn't the best possible option, and I'm just as important as she is and should be treated as such.

I personally don't know if the actual strategies could help me, because I'm so far in that I think it would be too much for her. I've tried talking openly with her about all of this stuff, and RP is absolutely right. If you try to be open and honest with your woman chances are she won't like it.

As it is, since I found RP I've been taking steps to change things. We've made a small amount of progress through "open communication," but if things don't drastically change soon it's not gonna last much longer, I'm done putting up with this sort of things.

Sorry for the Wall o' text! :P

[deleted] · 2015-05-11T02:00:25+00:00

non-red pill, also with partner for 5+ years. things weren't perfect in the beginning, but we're practically inseparable now. we both try to encourage each other to be the best versions of ourselves and work to achieve our goals, but we're also happy to comfort one another if things take an unexpected turn.

arguments are rare with us; we both had past relationships filled with arguments and it's just not worth the energy. if we don't agree on something, typically we talk it out and find a solution we can both live with. our relationship is pretty laid back, so this is easy and preferable.

we share a lot of the same tastes and interests, but thankfully we do vary enough to still have new things to talk about. we try to split housework as often as possible, but like OP he's a better cook than me. his sex drive is probably higher than mine, but i (thankfully) never feel pressured and remain open to trying new things if he expresses interest, with few exceptions.

conflict is minimal, but there are a few things we'll probably always view differently, like marriage and family (though we've come to accept it over time). i wish that i could have better conversations about his job, but i don't quite understand all of it since i didn't study it. i still make a point to ask and he can usually break it down for me though.

overall, our relationship is positive, relaxed, and a lot of fun. i don't know that i'd be quite this lucky twice, if the worst happened and we broke up.

Bakerofpie · 2015-05-11T02:10:23+00:00

Red. Husband also almost never gets worked up and stays calm even when frustrated, while I admittedly don't handle frustration as well. I write him love letters and try to give him little surprises frequently. He pretty much shows no emotion to anyone but me, because he's guarded and a bit shy, not because he wants people to think he's tough or something. He pretends he doesn't like how much I dote on him and fawn over him, but he actually loves it (most of the time). He teases me all the time and makes me laugh every day. He knows just the right mix of behaviors to make me feel loved and secure while also keeping things interesting and exciting.

I recently became a stay at home wife, so unless I've been sick and physically incapable, I try to make sure Husband never has to do any house chores at all except for the things that fall within his "domain," like anything to do with yard work or fixing things or heavy lifting. I pack his lunches for him, sometimes get up early to make him breakfast, and make dinner as much as I can.

I consider him to be in charge, but that really doesn't look how most people would expect. There is almost never conflict between us, and as of yet I have never felt that he made an unfair or inconsiderate decision. He asks for my input and takes it into consideration, and if he thinks I want to go in a direction that isn't wise he will tell me why he thinks so. We are both reasonable people and prefer to follow our heads rather than our emotions, so there aren't really many places for conflict to arise. He doesn't need to throw his weight around or remind me that he's the boss.

A lot of people mention how they "challenge" their partners in relationships and I don't really know what that means. I wouldn't describe us as challenging each other at all, but we do encourage each other to be our best selves and grow as individuals. We agree on just about everything, because our beliefs fall along where empirical evidence leads, so if we disagree we will get on the Internet together to see what the scientific consensus or numbers say and that's generally what we'll settle on.

GayLubeOil · 2015-05-11T09:01:21+00:00

Yall know me, im as Red as can be! My girlfriend comes over after work and we drive over to the gym. Then Ill train her for about an hour on this program. Shes gotten to the point where she can do four pullups unassisted and squats 165 lb for reps. Im really proud.

Then we pick up steak salmon chicken or lamb at wholefoods and maybe a yam or an avacado and cook that shit. After that ill show her what Bluepill posted about me that day, my latest post or a post im working on. She'll laugh and help me with my grammer and flow for a post.

Then we take a shower and go to sleep.

[deleted] · 2015-05-12T12:29:06+00:00

Male, purplish blue, 37/35 with a child.

I don't understand this view challenge thing. We would not be a couple if we did not see the world similarly. Even when not it is a called a discussion, not a challenge.

We have fights, but they do not come from disagreements. They come from one of us losing the shit because having a bad day or did not sleep at night well so an internal reason, own reason. Then we erupt in some fuck-yous but then calm down pretty fast and apologize. She has the weird habit of slamming doors really loud and throwing items around when angry, I simply use my rumbling bass voice on full volume, fatass amplifier turned on, making the windows rattle. But it is okay. We both understand anger is coming from us, not caused by the other.

We don't share much housework given that she is on maternity leave, and even before we didn't, it was never really a requirement, she would be doing it faster and nicer. But we don't have much housework. Mop the floor once a week, wash our clothes and occasionally cook when we feel like, when not eat random things from the fridge? It is not actually much. We don't do shit like ironing clothes. Babycare, that is much. We don't really share that either. There was never really a need to.

It is understood I suck at everything that does not involve a computer so she does the rest. She is kinda tired but I am kinda lazy so I guess my compassion for her is not as strong as my laziness. She is the practical girl, the blue collar who can actually do things with real tools in the hand like a hammer! I am the college educated man who just types things into a computer, so I make more money she makes the practical stuff. She is also pretty smart and well read, just not ambitious in career, does not want to go to a workers evening college or something.

I don't know what else to talk about. I guess we are not a big deal, and pretty typical Euros, even the slight reversal of gender roles about working with tools is fairly common now, women are just more practical.

Not much sex, although recently we were trying again as we suppose spouses should do this or else they will grow apart, and we don't want that, we have built a pretty comfy life for us and want to spend a life together, so we should try to have sex sometimes because you cannot really just build a marriage on a child and drunken discussions of philosophy. To be fair both feel like sex is a chore and we would have far more fun killing a bottle of booze together watching some comedy, but anyway. Maybe it becomes enjoyable when you try it over and over.

[deleted] · 2015-05-13T08:20:41+00:00

Sure! I'm a woman, blue pill. My partner is male, and we just celebrated our 3 year anniversary (by celebrated, I mean we took a walk through a fortune cookie factory). Living together for 2 years.

My partner's the most loving, devoted man I've ever met, and I love him to bits. We'd probably mutually do anything for each other. I have panic disorder, and I have good days and bad days, and he is absolutely my rock. He's there for me and helps me out when my brain chemistry is doing crazy things that don't make sense; his presence calms me down when I'm in the middle of a panic attack, and I have them less frequently since we've been together.

He has some social anxiety, so between that and my own anxiety, we stay in a lot. We're big X-files fans, and he likes movies. We go for long walks sometimes. We've both worked in kitchens, but I've done more pro chef work, so I usually end up cooking. He'll absolutely cook for me if I'm too tired/not feeling it, though.

We're both hotheads, so sometimes our arguments can get pretty heated. We don't argue often, though, and we usually cooldown pretty quick. All arguments end with heartfelt apologies, love and snuggles.

We both work from home, so we see each other a lot, a lot. We're also huge coffee nuts, and we take turns making coffee for each other.

He's a musician and I'm finishing my first novel. We support each other in our artistic endeavors. We've got a move planned in a few months, and we're talking about starting a family in the not-so-distant future. :)

[deleted] · 2015-05-11T08:17:37+00:00

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TheGreasyPole · 2015-05-11T07:21:12+00:00

Red. Wife is also consciously Red.

(Copying your format as these seem the items of interest to you)

Been together 14 years. Again love and respect have grown over that time. More so, IMO, In the past year of RP than before, but starting from a good baseline. We sleep "unwrapped", in so far as she gets a 10m cuddle then I roll away as I can never sleep all tanled up !

She tells me when I'm being a fuckwit. I return the favour, with more tact and diplomacy than that. We rarely argue. When we do we can both raise our voices, but it never gets mean or vindictive. It is a "frank exchange of views" and we always end it with some compromise that satisfies both to some extent. They rarely lat more than 1hr as "heated discussion" although this can be followed by a day or two of "frosty peace" which usually signals a problem with the compromise we still need to work out. This Occurs 3-6 times a year.

I have a higher sex drive than her. We keep each other satisfied and I regard it is solely my responsibility to turn her on when I am horny. If I fail, to get her fully turned on that's my shit to own, not hers. Her libido is high enough this isn't an issue, ad I can push her buttons well enough to get as much as I want. She's also welcome to push my buttons if she wants more. Her tactics don't need to be much more sophisticated than "touch the penis".

I work 5 days a week, she works PT. Therefore there is a housework requirement on me I agree is fair. As a consequence if say on days we both/neither work housework is split fairly evenly, although the majority is completed on the days I work and she does not.

She does all the cooking bar 1-2 meals as she's an excellent cook. Division of labour. I tend to take other jobs. I like ironing as I do it very quickly, and use the time to listen to podcasts, so if I am trying to meet my responsibilities I frequently get the cans on my ears and knock out a few loads.

She naturally cleaner than me. This creates friction. I only ever clean until "I'm satisfied that's clean enough". If she wants it more clean, she can finish the job... Although we usually split tasks such that I do not work on tasks where our standards differ, but take those where they are similar, leaving her the tasks "she really wants done this particular way". My response is often "Fine, go do it that way then ! I'll do this instead".

We're quite indoors types. We also have a veg patch. We're quite an intellectual couple, but we enjoy having fun indoors or out.

As we get a lot of fun out of intellectual discussion and witty repartee (I am very cocky/funny and brainy.... And the wife is cocky/funny and brainy too) we often discuss RP in our house. Threads here, on MRP, on TRP. We've often discussed other subjects as well. RP is a interesting thing we both get a big kick out of discussing and participating in. I make her laugh 10 times an hour. She makes me laugh slightly less than that. I push it though ;)

She's at work today, with no internet access. When she gets in an the kids are abed she might want to add her thoughts. /u/thegreasyhole anything you want to add from your perspective ?

She's going to want to talk about what a lazy ass I naturally was(?)/am(?). I guarantee it. I might have skipped over that a bit :)

Title	Partnered people - what's is life like in your household?
Author	PetticoatRuled
Upvotes	11
Comments	45
Date	May 11, 2015 1:09 AM UTC (11 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/35jqxl/partnered_people_whats_is_life_like_in_your/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/partnered-people-whats-is-life-like-in-your.282237 https://theredarchive.com/post/282237

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