Women in LTRs, how important is staying sexy and beautiful to your sex life, or enjoyment of sex?

askheidi · 2014-05-13T19:44:45+00:00

Really good question. Of course feeling/looking sexy helps me enjoy sex more. But as you get longer in an LTR and the relationship changes, feeling/looking sexy (and even sex) seems to become less important. For instance, after having my son 6 months ago, I occasionally lament the pooch I haven't been able to get rid of yet and I don't feel confident enough to initiate sexytimes with my husband. But I very often look into the mirror and tell myself that I look pretty good and if this is my body post-baby then it was totally worth it.

So yes, feeling beautiful or sex helps me enjoy sex more. But I also don't place as much importance on sex. I'm working on adjusting that mindset, but it's true, at least for me.

[deleted] · 2014-05-13T21:54:41+00:00

[permanently deleted]

SpaceWhiskey · 2014-05-13T21:30:56+00:00

For me, I like to look good for my own enjoyment. I carry myself with more confidence when I'm happy with my appearance. I'm definitely more into sex when I feel I look good.

That being said, I don't let the guys I date dictate what it means for me to feel sexy, not entirely anyways. For example, when I was 20 I had a boyfriend who responded negatively when I told him I wanted to get a tattoo. He told me that he didn't like tattoos on girls. I got one anyway, and broke up with him a few months later, not just for that (amongst other things, he would also make negative comments about my weight), but we clearly weren't compatible.

A few years later I was dating a different guy who would get passive-aggressive with me about my hair. It bothered him that I would get it cut/styled with no notice or without telling him first. It was a baffling concept to me, as I've always been under the impression that no should should have to ask someone else's permission to change their own appearance. It's my money, it's my hair, that's pretty much the math as far as I'm concerned. He would intentionally not comment on my haircut, because he knew it bothered me. I would go to work, visit my regular stores, and every person I encountered would smile and have something nice to say about my hair. My ex would intentionally not comment until I brought it up, and then would only say stoic non-compliments like "It's shorter" or "It's a different color". He was also a robotic emotionless wet-blanket in other regards, so yeah, not dating him anymore either.

My current boyfriend (and the man I intend to marry) always has something nice to say about my haircut when I get one, even if it's bad, because it's the polite thing to do to the person you're dating. He's seen me gain and lose weight and has been supportive and kind no matter what. He doesn't demand I wear certain things or look a certain way, he is attracted to the things about me that I also like about myself. It's part of why I'm dating him. And we're best friends, so he doesn't care that I don't wear makeup on my days off or fart in front of him or pee with the door open or turn into a swamp creature when I'm on my period. And I don't judge him when he farts in front of me or gains a bit of weight here and there or wears clothes on his days off that are as ugly as they are comfortable. We've had fat sex at our worst and held one another's hair out of our faces when we overindulge on New Years.

This is getting long, but what I'm trying to say that while feeling sexy and beautiful does make sex better and a relationship happier, being with the right person will let you feel sexy and loved even if you're a little fat or ugly or lazy occassionally. I love to get dressed up and be sexy for him, because even when I don't, he makes me feel like the most beautiful woman alive.

[deleted] · 2014-05-13T22:08:52+00:00

I hate being unsexy. That's why I exercise and try to eat right. I want to still look hot for my husband at 45. Sex is important so being sexy is also very important. To me it's how I feel about myself, he doesn't have to say a word, as long as he is still grabbing my ass while I'm doing housework I feel great.

juswannabeanony · 2014-05-13T23:41:13+00:00

For me it's more important that I feel desired by my partner beyond simple physicality, because that's what turns me on. On my own I really don't want to be perceived as sexy, it makes me uncomfortable if strangers notice me on the street. I just want to look normal and blend in with the crowd, feeling singled out for my looks alone is offputting so I don't go out of my way to look sexy. No makeup beyond moisturizer and lip balm or flashy clothes/heels etc unless I feel the situation calls for it. For me it's more rewarding if things like that are reserved for a special person/occasion instead of being routine.

[deleted] · 2014-05-13T20:15:14+00:00

In another discussion I mentioned

I know this is not politically correct and I will probably be down voted for admitting this but in my culture a woman's appearance is her currency.

So this makes being sexy and beautiful pretty darn important to me. It definitely makes sex more enjoyable for myself and my husband. When you look good, you feel good and when you feel good you look even better!

This doesn't mean wearing revealing clothes and it's not about having the perfect body or trying to look younger either. It's about having the confidence and making that extra effort to look good. Wanting to make an impression.

It also reflects well on my husband. Having a wife who looks good makes him look good. (This works both ways too) I don't know about others and it may seem shallow but I like it when we come home from a function or out with others and my husband says "You were the hottest or best looking woman there."

rulenumber303 · 2014-05-13T20:09:51+00:00

Even masturbation is better for a woman when she's feeling fit and pretty.

But I can also understand just giving up. It isn't as though most 50 year old married guys take care of themselves well. There's a point at which if you're putting in lots of effort to something and the other person isn't it feels like you're being conned... and that sense of putting in more to get less back is going to spoil sex worse than a few extra pounds and a bad hairstyle ever will.

[deleted] · 2014-05-13T19:44:57+00:00

Well, sure. I place a great deal of importance on staying physically fit/attractive/healthy/sexy/beautiful for my husband. My husband's perception of my sexiness is entwined with my enjoyment of sex. Hell, just last night my husband was going on and on about how sexy I looked on my hands and knees, which just turned me on even more.

BUT!!! the all important caveat; I can only speak for myself and our relationship, which has an element of kink in relation to this phenomena.

Title	Women in LTRs, how important is staying sexy and beautiful to your sex life, or enjoyment of sex?
Author	masterrod
Upvotes	4
Comments	16
Date	May 13, 2014 6:57 PM UTC (12 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/25gz20/women_in_ltrs_how_important_is_staying_sexy_and/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/women-in-ltrs-how-important-is-staying-sexy-and.285740 https://theredarchive.com/post/285740

Comments