Oneitis

rulenumber303 · 2014-04-18T00:03:03+00:00

Yeah well, everyone gets crushes. Some of us learned to deal with that stuff routinely in our early teens, and some of us didn't. Those of us who learned to deal with it are now at peace with the raging nature of our sexual desires, and waves of attraction to random individuals break over us like waves over a rock.

[deleted] · 2014-04-17T23:49:20+00:00

Not RP; Oneitis is a thing.

I know a lot of women who only date and sleep with friends, but none of the relationships that worked involved one guy with a single female obsession. Generally, both people involved were part of a network of friends. Most of the guys were of average confidence, and even the ones who were awkward or shy or depressed were capable of maintaining friendships with multiple men and women who eventually introduced them to "the one".

Do you think a lonely adult man who hadn't naturally fallen into this pattern would be any good at it? Do you think he'd have the patience to wait for it pay off? Do you think he'll be anybody's first choice if those people are already close friends with other, possibly more attractive people?

I can absolutely see why such a person would assume it's a hopeless investment and turn to RP.

tubefox · 2014-04-18T00:20:42+00:00

Well, when you grow up on Disney...

IIHotelYorba · 2014-04-18T09:11:10+00:00

Oneitis is an old PUA term that means myopically fixating on one girl. It really doesn't have a more complicated meaning.

I find it a bit interesting that your take on it mentions things like not putting yourself out there, relying on friends you're comfortable with, and unreciprocated feelings as most examples of oneitis in PUA historically were guys losing a girl they once dated or were seeing in some capacity, and becoming convinced she was "the one." In other words, wanting their good feelings back rather than pining for something that has always been fantasy.

Both situations hinge on laziness and unwillingness to take action to better your situation.

myfriendscantknow · 2014-04-18T15:03:54+00:00

As others have pointed out, this isn't something TRP came up with, it comes from /r/seduction and the general PUA thing.

But yes I agree with you on this. It's a thing that actually happens and it does cause problems when you become obsessed with someone who doesn't return your feelings. I also agree with those who say our media doesn't exactly help this - Disney and romcoms teach us from day one that this tactic works, but both "alphas" and feminists alike despise it. It does no help for anyone to act like you're in a romcom. Might as well pretend to be Spiderman.

GooseNewberg · 2014-04-20T04:40:46+00:00

I had the most brutal oneitis in high school. Looking back I've come to realize I should have had a lot more fun in high school, but I orbited a girl for three solid years. Yes, I agree, this is huge for both sides. It's not just "crushes," oneitis is a thing, and a great name for it.

GaiusScaevolus · 2014-04-18T01:47:21+00:00

Reading the comments from the thebluepill, I wonder how they can ever seriously claim that RPers are too harsh or mean or offensive. Even if you agree with nothing about TRP, I doubt you were exactly happy the last time you got rejected by someone you cared about. Some of y'all are shittier people than you claim RPers are.

GridReXX · 2014-04-18T13:53:07+00:00

That's life.

One of the biggest crushes I had where I thought if this guy asked I would do anything for him. Well he liked me enough to want to fuck me. I never did. Because I liked him enough to want us to walk hand in hand into the sunset. Lol.

Simply put it was unrequited love or infatuation.

But I just got over it. Also in the grander scheme of things I knew what I was feeling... I wanted to be with someone who also felt that about me. And he wasn't on that level. You have to have some level of self worth about these things.

No hard feelings.

AdmiralVonJackass · 2014-04-18T14:35:43+00:00

Hell, it's why I'm here

[deleted] · 2014-04-18T21:04:40+00:00

I think it's a product of fear.

It can be, but more often I would say it is based on obsession. The way I came to understand and ward off oneitis well before finding TRP was to realize that what I thought was a "perfect match" was really a mental slight of hand in which I was transposing the personality of my ideal woman onto an attractive girl and imagining a perfect relationship together. Once I saw through that, it was much easier to naturally develop abundance mentality.

confirmed a suspicion a lot of us probably had: many TRPers got there because they were burned by an unreciprocated infatuation.

Some did, others didn't. What brought pretty much everyone (who was genuinely interested) to TRP is that we realized something was off about the advice we were given about dating and the keys to a stable, happy relationship. I had dated and was aware of some of the ideas in TRP before I found it. TRP just articulated what I had observed and already partially understood.

FortunateBum · 2014-04-21T19:30:05+00:00

I think oneitis comes from a deep-seated biological imperative. Trying to explain it with reason doesn't work. If you ever had it really bad, you'd know what I'm talking about.

The best we can do is identify it, label it, and then try to consciously avoid it. Guys come on TRP all the time talking about their relationship troubles, we explain oneitis to them, and they seem to generally be relieved that they've identified an enemy to fight.

[deleted] · 2014-04-18T03:54:47+00:00

Holy fuck that story was sad. I actually cringed. My theory on TRP is that it's a kind of job training for auto workers who've been made redundant. At one point in time, there was no need for TRP. Now we have extremely liberal attitudes towards sex and with technology there is nothing stopping motivated people from getting laid any time they want. This will create a natural pool of people (mostly men) who will be effectively priced out of the love/sex market. Guys need to be 1) "re-trained" on current market skills 2) a place to reflect on their experience.

jacks1000 · 2014-04-17T23:57:13+00:00

Eh, I've had unrequited crushes on women who weren't interested, but it never stopped me from pursuing other women.

Title	Oneitis
Author	myfriendscantknow
Upvotes	8
Comments	32
Date	April 17, 2014 10:22 PM UTC (12 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/23b3bg/oneitis/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/oneitis.285874 https://theredarchive.com/post/285874

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