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How to not fall into rational / serious mode?

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October 6, 2019

Especially when I read a lot of TRP, I fall into this serious self improvement mode that vanishes all my charm. It might be like a perfectionist kind of thing, but I don't know how to equip both simultaneously.

How do you do it?

Post Information
Title How to not fall into rational / serious mode?
Author orieva
Upvotes 139
Comments 40
Date 06 October 2019 06:15 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit askTRP
Original Link
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[–]bluffking1139 points140 points  (10 children) | Copy

I definitely can relate to this mindset. One thing that has helped me is reading The Book of Pook. Most important takeaway from that is to realize this:

Perfect is boring.

So basically when it’s self improvement time, take it seriously. But when it’s time to have fun, let loose and realize you are more than enough.

[–][deleted] 23 points24 points  (6 children) | Copy

That's the weird feat about self improvement imo. It's like 'I'm not good enough now so I need to improve'. But without setting goals, how are you ever going to see those gains or tnkde improvements?

[–]bluffking125 points26 points  (5 children) | Copy

That’s the fallacy of self improvement. It’s a never ending process. Once you hit a goal, there’s always another one.

So are you going live in a perpetual state of being “not good enough”? Or possibly give yourself a little bit of credit each moment you get 1% better?

Another (albeit much more cringe worthy) way of putting it is “work hard, play hard”.

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (3 children) | Copy

In conversation with a friend I just realised the following: I often don't make my goals specific.

I'll say 'I want to be muscular' instead of 'I want to gain 10kgs of muscle in 6 months'.

The first statement, because it's so generalised, is much more detrimental to my core than the second one. The first one feels like a personal attack.

This is of course not helping the improvement section at all.

[–]throwawayflatwhite5 points6 points  (1 child) | Copy

google SMART goals

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Good one, thanks.

[–]thrwy754791 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

"What's measured improves." - Peter F. Drucker

[–]thrwy754791 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

It’s a never ending process. Once you hit a goal, there’s always another one.

Outcomes pave the way for the process. It's not the outcomes you seek, it's the enjoyment of the process.

[–]MotiMorphosys27 points28 points  (0 children) | Copy

Spend time every week gaming women.

Spend time every week conversing with women.

[–]ScooopWoopScoup47 points48 points  (8 children) | Copy

Girls act exactly like children.

Treat them like one

[–][deleted] 15 points16 points  (7 children) | Copy

That's not what I mean. When I start to give a shit about myself via self improvement, I have a problem not taking life too seriously.

[–]z_riah4 points5 points  (6 children) | Copy

It’s never that serious?

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (5 children) | Copy

Whenever I set on really improving myself, I strive for perfection (which everyone should imo). It's great, except that it's a perfectionist state of mind in which 'everything matters'.

[–]LSDparade11 points12 points  (0 children) | Copy

I have the same mindset. Realise that the chase for perfection is the perfection. You'll never actually achieve it but being on the path for a long time can build up to something great.

I say go for self improvement relentlessly. You'll build 'tools' along the way that you won't consciously apply, but come naturally a year or two down the line. Give yourself time, but stay dedicated and disciplined.

[–]IamBetter2816 points17 points  (4 children) | Copy

Interesting, I've had the exact opposite thoughts on this just this week. I feel girls only like me when I'm in super serious mission seeking mode. It goes hand in hand with being dominant. The moment I loose my serious mode I get less dominant and more into beta territory. I just made plans to start next week more serious but relaxed.

Why do you think being serious is bad thing? I've been told by every single girl that they like a dominant and serious man with a plan. One got super aroused when I told her I've certain rules etc.

[–]bearsonabus1122887 points8 points  (2 children) | Copy

I think he’s saying when you goes out he is in a serious boring mindset. Girls want to have fun fun fun and to have a carefree good time. They don’t want a guy to be serious, they want him to tease them and be playful

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

Yea not only when going out, also when just chilling with friends or even when I'm chilling all by myself. Like I'm too focused on the grind to enjoy this moment.

[–]IamBetter280 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

The reason maybe your personality. Ive the ENTJA Personality and can relate to this feeling. People enjoy going out way more than I do. Its always been like this for me. ENTJA People cant really enjoy free time unless It has some goal it leads to. Thats why I only go out with a set goal in mind. For Example: Seducing a girl, seeing my family, caring about friendship.

You certainly dont have to be a dancing monkey to get girls. When going out just see it as a part of your self improvement.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Yea that's true, but there's a difference between being too serious and stuck up, and being on your path and charming at the same time.

[–]acp_rdit4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

you can be serious without being somber

you can pursue with dire purpose while laughing the whole time

your inevitable demise is what makes the enjoyment of this very moment, no matter what the circumstances, a moral good that is worth finding

[–]cydestiny4 points5 points  (3 children) | Copy

Don't pretend to be someone you're not.

Reading and comprehending is two different thing. From what you described and your comments, you seems to have had read too much and not applying them in life, then got overwhelmed as yourself seems pale in comparison to others. You're not lacking goals, you just have too many of them and too far stretched.

What I would suggest is, cut out all the noises and listen to only you. Next time you read something, try to relate and apply into your daily life, no matter how small the steps is. For example, the "Get Muscular" goal should be changed to "Hit the gym", then progressively increase the difficult from there based on your situation.

A quick bonus tip, next time you thought about improving yourself after reading some shit, give yourself 5 seconds to mark that shit on your calendar and actually do it.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

Thanks mate. Yea I'll stop reading for a while and take more action. I'll also formulate more specific, smart goals instead of having these vague existential ones.

"I want to be strong enough to fight" is a hella lot less achievable than "I want to learn kickboxing and have my first fight within 6 months". Those vague goals is just me setting myself up for failure.

[–]cydestiny0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Mark it on your calendar! This weekend, if you aren't wearing your kickboxing gloves this weekend, everyone who upvoted this post is going to punch you in the face!

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Yea, thanks for the positive energy mate! This is exactly what I needed.

[–]shark30k2 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy

Don't let them see you sweat, seem effortlessly perfect. Otherwise you look like a tryhard.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Ooh I got that down. I do am a very nonchalant guy.

[–]VaN__Darkholme0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Something law of power

[–]robbiedigital0010 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Are you saying here you get stuck in your head in social situations

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Nope. Just on serious mode.

[–]sebastianconcept0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

By being playful. Is good not to be a clown but you would be playful if you are surrounded by toddlers that you want them to like you, right?

Well, same with girls.

They want to feel fun, girly and properly dicked

[–]wawakaka1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

carry a small flask of your favorite charm elixir.

this what men have done for ages. just enough to dumb you down to be social.

they don't call it a social lubricant for nothing.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Naa man I quit drinking.

[–][deleted] -2 points-1 points  (0 children) | Copy

She’s a toy nothing else

[–]willieblackbean-1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy

Just like making money, if all you know is to go earn those money but you forgot how to spend em, what's the point?

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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