I think I just lost the love of my life

[deleted] · 2019-10-11T08:11:43+00:00

I don't want to sound unkind but I suspect I will anyway, so apologies.

This relationship is not the love of your life. It never even got off the ground.

I pretty much guarantee better is yet to come.

Don't try and win him back, move on.

misscleanex · 2019-10-11T11:05:52+00:00

In my experience, asking to stay friends is a strategy to diffuse a tense situation and end the interaction as quickly and as pleasantly as possible when he's realized he's not going to get anywhere until he's said what you want to hear.

Sounds like there's a lesson here. Pressuring men doesn't bode well.

He was on the rebound, he blatantly told you he didn't want anything serious, he asked to stay "friends," and now he's not calling. Sorry to break it to you but I don't think you ever had him to lose. Maybe it's time to move on and wash that guy out of your system.

Someone so non-confrontational that he uses the "let's be friends" line is a red flag anyway. Dodged a bullet if you ask me.

LateralThinker13 · 2019-10-11T14:16:25+00:00

I think I just lost the love of my life

I will not be mean. I will just say that your post does not bear this out.

He liked me previously but I ended things because I was in a bad place emotionally. Fast forward a bit and he breaks up with his gf of the time and we reconnect as more than friends except it’s all very confusing. I hooked up with him.

Casual sex (hook up) with a hot guy when you were in a bad place emotionally. What could possibly go wrong?

maybe it wasn’t the right thing

Don't lie to us or yourself. You KNOW if it's the right thing to do before you do it. Everything else is your rationalization hamster talking.

wanted to know what his intentions were the week after and he said he’s not looking to go steady with anyone.

Okay. He was DTF but not date. Maybe you should have asked that BEFORE you hooked up. But why do you care? You were friends - and HE was the one who "liked you" previously.

Could it be that your beta orbiter turning you down for a relationship after sex with you hurt your self esteem?

I felt used.

Yep. Looks like it did.

We got in a fight because I felt disrespected

Oh please. The only person who disrespected you was YOU.

now we don’t really talk even though he asked to stay friends

And that's why he's a beta orbiter. Alpha would have ghosted.

I know I reacted the wrong way

Ya think?

there’s a chance I was the rebound and nothing else. But he did genuinely like me before he dated that new gf, back then he was the one chasing me.

Yeah, probably was rebound. Emotional volatility plus hookup without relationship chased by an emotional argument where you're in the wrong, will nuke your chances with him because he can do better than "That Crazy one-time hookup". The one who is 27 and fast approaching the wall.

This adds to the stress of me feeling like I’ll never find someone like him again. He’s well educated, hard working and basically the only person I ever felt I could truly see a future with.

Wow, selfish much? Called it. You're approaching the wall fast, just sc3rewed up with a guy who might have been your soft landing, and now want to fix it.

I realize now he was out of my league to begin with possibly (is more educated than me and has prettier girls after him)

And you messed up by being one more crazy one night stand.

I guess I just need some advice on how to act attractively going forward / win his respect and attraction back.

That ship has sailed, princess. He's gone. You have a LOT of work to do to fix your SMV, and the wall approaches and you're only now just STARTING to realize that.

Read the sidebar. Fix your mindset. Get therapy to a) get your "bad place emotionally" fixed, and b) to have your head removed from your posterior. Because you're making bad choices you know are bad, and at 27 you should be more intentional and forward thinking than that. You are running out of time to get your life in order.

cashvertise · 2019-10-11T09:11:50+00:00

You slept with him, he got what he wanted and now he wants nothing to do with you.. the truth hurts.. he realized he can do better than you and he’s moved on.. the faster you realize this the better.. you need to move on too and stop living in the past.. the cost of not realizing this can mean ending up single forever

eatavacado · 2019-10-11T16:21:18+00:00

Sex is not a good intro into a relationship. It puts you at risk for being used, and doing the opposite (Stating you aren’t having sex until [marriage/commitment/etc]) commands respect and scares away the guys who just want to sleep around.

If you had not hooked up with this person, you would have seen his real intent without being used. After you setting the boundary, he would’ve made it known that’s that’s not what he’s wanting. Saving time energy and an N count.

The take away here is don’t have sex with men you haven’t dated romantically for a while. Doesn’t matter if your a virgin or not, high n count or not. Make sure you set the boundary, hold firm, and then see what they do. If they still pursue you romantically, then there’s your green flag. They’re looking for a relationship. And that should be one of the first things you confirm before pursuing one with someone.

countrylemon · 2019-10-11T18:29:23+00:00

Yeah he used you as a rebound, you haven't "lost the love of your life" because he wasn't the love of your life, he's just the love of your life - as it stands now. (and honestly calling him that seems a bit much to begin with, you were literally never together).

Hate to break it to you, but this wasn't love. This was comfort.

That being said, 27 isn't hitting the wall, you've got a good few years to find someone.

Also - you don't stay friends with people you fucked if you want to find someone else.

LoveFooles · 2019-10-11T10:41:49+00:00

You need to expand on this part.

He liked me previously but I ended things because I was in a bad place emotionally.

Did your someone die? Or where some other guy involved?

ShootingDanks · 2019-10-11T19:10:27+00:00

You've received some good advice here. I'm happy to give you a couple of pointers about how to proceed.

First tip, tone down the drama. High value men enjoy stability, they're not looking for drama and mood swings and childish hyperbole. A more accurate title would be "Can I go from ONS to girlfriend?" I would want to see a lot more history behind "love of my life".

I hooked up with him.

I guess you now realise this was a mistake? I wouldn't sleep with a man unless we had agreed to be in an exclusive relationship. Even then, he could up and leave, but that seems a bit safer and also protects your reputation to some extent. People are more accepting of "my boyfriend turned out to be an asshole" than "my one night stand didn't want more than sex".

And maybe it wasn’t the right thing to do but wanted to know what his intentions were the week after and he said he’s not looking to go steady with anyone.

Leave the chasing to the guy. If he wanted to be with you, he would state his intentions, clearly. They know how to go about it, men. If he's not knocking down your door, it's because he's not interested.

I felt used.

You opened yourself up to being used. It's awful, but now you know what not to do.

We got in a fight because I felt disrespected and now we don’t really talk even though he asked to stay friends and I got so tired of arguing I agreed.

This would be a great time to start respecting yourself and wanting better than this. He used you and now he wants to remain "friends", because he thinks he might get another go at it. He's got you figured out. A woman with self-respect would cut men like him out of her life. The fact that you have not done this signals to him that under the right circumstances, you'll be down to fuck again. And he'd be correct.

I know I reacted the wrong way but I have no idea how to remedy the situation. I also realize there’s a chance I was the rebound and nothing else. But he did genuinely like me before he dated that new gf, back then he was the one chasing me.

Cut your losses, cut him off, move on. Be better.

I’m also about to be 27 so This adds to the stress of me feeling like I’ll never find someone like him again.

Guys willing to spin plates like you are a dime a dozen. Aim higher. You have time, still. Don't sell yourself short.

boardgaming234 · 2019-10-12T01:48:51+00:00

Sounds like oneitis. You know what to do.

Don’t sell yourself sort. There are people who you will click with.

Title	I think I just lost the love of my life
Author	Canadian6267
Upvotes	2
Comments	9
Date	October 11, 2019 7:26 AM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/dgbmao/i_think_i_just_lost_the_love_of_my_life/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/i-think-i-just-lost-the-love-of-my-life.289754 https://theredarchive.com/post/289754

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