I've suffered with some depression and anxiety over the years, but I always had the drive to combat them. I've had relationships, I've had many plates, one night stands, have always been a good looking, charming guy, but I was hit with PTSD early this year and slowly, but surely, I climbed into a deep depression and isolated myself, and started telling myself, and believing I had no friends.

My confidence plummeted and it feels like I've unlearnt everything I spent years, and years to build. I rarely go out anymore, compared to having bundles of energy for most of my life. I've gotten out of shape, and can't stand to look at myself in the mirror. Even when I try and work out, I only have to look at myself, and it's over already. I don't know how to flirt anymore, or even just have a bit of banter with women, and it feels like my sense of humour has taken a massive hit as well. I don't even try most of the time now.

I feel like I'm normally a very self aware kind of guy, and as a result, I tend to think deeply on things, but all of this has caused me to hate myself, and it shows, and I'm acutely aware of it. I'm in a constant battle with myself, second guessing, judging myself for how I communicate, how I behave, and because it doesn't compare to how I once was, I fall even deeper. I can't stand this anymore. There's a persistent hum of anxiety and negative self-talk, and I have contemplated suicide a few times due to the utter loneliness I've caused myself, but I'm holding on out of sheer hope.

I can start to feel motivated one minute, and literally all it will take is one bad conversation, or self-percieved mistake to set me back again. My ego has become insanely sensitive. I'm constantly filled with resentment at the fact that this is my life now, and it's becoming ridiculously hard to be stoic under any pressure. I've become ultra negative, and have pushed everyone away - intentionally, and now unintentionally too. I don't know what the fuck to do, and I'm nearly half way through my life which is not helping things.

I know you guys aren't psychiatrists, but if you were to ask any questions so I could elaborate, then please feel free.