First off, let me apologize if this I ramble a lot. This has been bothering me a bit,

So, just some background on me. I'm a 17 year old male, I've been obese my entire life, my dad's in the Army so we move a lot, I'm pretty introverted, insecure and have social anxiety, but yet I have a very active and good social life, I'm fairly popular, have a lot of friends, spend most weekends with friends, throw parties that have good turnout etc.

Well I never really did well with girls, so about a month ago I started looking for some advice online, mostly just forums and stuff, then I stumbled across the redpill, mostly good advice at first, get in shape, be confident, improve yourself, etc. But then I started getting deeper and just a lot of the stuff they started saying bothered me, like you have to be an asshole to women, don't commit to women, spinning plates, all women will cheat on you if they get the opportunity, etc.

So, the main two things that bother me are the "you have to be an asshole" and "all women will cheat if they have the chance." With the cheating one, I was already insecure before reading the RP so that really just magnified my insecurities. The idea of being cheated on scares me a lot, of course, RP would say "just don't commit" but I really have no interest in casual sex, I've always been a romantic, and I really want a serious relationship and to get married and have a family someday. But as much as the thought of it scares me, I just don't know if it's true, I look at my mom, who's been married to my dad for 25 years, a lot of which he was deployed overseas for, and they seem very happy and I'm almost certain she's never cheated on him, even while deployed. I look at my friends and their girlfriends, and I just have a hard time that all their girlfriends (who I know pretty well) are cheating on them. I look at infidelity statistics and even the highest ones are nowhere near 100%. But then RP would respond that women on the survey are just lying about it and the girls I know must have CIA-level amounts of deception and are really good at hiding their infidelity. I just can't help but feel that a lot of those guys got screwed over by a girl and are just bitter and projecting that woman's faults on all women, but I the other hand I can't help but wonder if they're right, and if they're right I don't really see a point in dating at all.

Then the "you must be an asshole to do well with women" thing also bothers me. I'd say I'm a pretty kind and generous dude, and not in the meme "I do nice things for girls so they let me have sex with them" way, I just enjoy doing stuff for people and making them happy, regardless of what I get in return. And just like the cheating thing, it's something that I just don't see reflected in real life, my dad is extremely kind to my mother and people in general, yet my mother is still very attracted to him, they have a happy marriage, they still go on dates often, have sex on a frequent basis (in spite of him always being gone for work and us always having a houseful of teenagers.) And with all my friends with girlfriends, they're all kind people too, both to to their girls and to me, and we're teenagers, which is supposedly when girls especially don't like nice guys according to RP, so my observations in real life don't really match up to RP's teaching there, but just like with cheating, I can't help wonder if they''re right, and that maybe I'm just blind and just haven't figured it out yet. I think because of my insecurity, I have a tendency to doubt my own beliefs, thoughts, conclusions, etc. and this is no exception.

So I guess what I'm really asking for is some reassurance that

  1. Not every woman in the world will cheat on you (I know there's always a possibility of being cheated on, just want to know that it's not an absolute certainty)
  2. That I can get a relationship while still being a kind, romantic, generous, and helpful dude.

Overall, I've mostly concluded that the best way to improve your attractiveness is just to become a better man overall; getting in good shape, having good hygiene, becoming more confident and shedding insecurity, being proactive, doing well academically/professionally, basically just building a good life for yourself that makes you happy, and then choosing to share it with someone else.