Can someone help me?

[deleted] · 2016-10-17T23:49:19+00:00

Hey man, don't feel down.

What you said - it's always tempting to seize hold of the simple explanations and the logical reasoning for people's behaviour, but the simple truth is that we're all just human beings who are sometimes as irrational and selfish as anybody. It's not a gender thing, it's a person thing, and I guarantee you there are just as many girls out there who feel just as jaded with dating etc as you do.

If you can, take the positive aspects of TRP and run with it. Getting fit, getting out there and getting hobbies are all great things to strive towards. Self-improvement is an awesome thing, and that's where your focus should be, not blaming and stereotyping people like TRP. You're 21 - I genuinely believe that relationships are so much harder when you're young, simply because people haven't yet quite worked out who they are or what they want out of a relationship, you probably aren't sure yourself. Just remember - everyone feels this way sometimes.

raziphel · 2016-10-18T14:19:39+00:00

Redpill is a cult. They take a nugget of truth, hold it up as their moral high ground, and wrap it in their own personal brand of bullshit. This becomes the bait for new followers and people like you. Eventually the toxicity outweighs everything else, it becomes a reinforcing cycle (they're the "only ones who understand"/love you), and that's all you see. All successful cults do some variant of this.

There are a lot of sources online for cult deprogramming- perhaps investigating those will give you the tools you need to build a better bs filter?

I recently found this article. It's tangentially related (focusing on politics), but it delves into fear and anxiety, and how those affect your brain. Using this as a lens to view TRP (as a group that profits from male anxiety) and other similar groups may help you gain some perspective regarding what's happening in your brain.

RedMedi · 2016-10-18T13:45:34+00:00

You can PM me if you want to talk privately.

There is so much to the Red Pill that is superficially believable. It's explanations are so broad and stereotypical that it really starts to break down if you poke beneath the surface.

Women are people and you need to understand that romantic and sexual experiences won't fulfill you. It doesn't cure the lack of self-esteem or depression, those are aspects of yourself that you can change massively if you invest in yourself and your happiness.

wazzup987 · 2016-10-21T10:35:10+00:00

I mean the key is pretty much down to 4 basic things and you can get more granular from there:

Confidence: There is no substitute, there are lot good reasons why this is very attractive to have and why its absence or antithesis is a massive red flag in everyone not just men.

Looking as good as possible: Ok you don't have to be perfect or even close but you do have to make an effort. Like personality counts for a lot but it won't get you all the there by itself. [1]

Expectations: this is huge and ties into the above, i wrote this sometime ago and it will explain it better than i am willing to right now. The TLDR is that is bird of feather flock together & and if you set a low bar people will only ever meet that low bar and you won't filter out crap/incompatible people with a sprinkling of keep your expectations in check.

Make inroads into social groups like activity clubs (if you are looking to date) that you actually have an interest in not just go there to meet the ladies, and if you do go somewhere, even dance clubs go there first for you (to have fun) and if you happen to get laid so be it. No really putting the expectation of getting laid when you go to a bar or dance club or activity club puts weird spin on all your social interaction. Beside people can pick up on the there to get laid agenda and its off putting. So go somewhere with the express purpose of having fun first and you will find better luck getting laid/ getting dates because small wonder people like people who are having fun not trying to get something out of them, or in this case into them.

Sidebar: Avoid red pill mgtow and incel even if they were 100% true (spoilers they aren't, not even close), the community around them is toxic. Misery loves company and will only make it so you have someone to share your misery with not escape it. Also the victim complex is terribad.

¹ In my view looks are logarithmic so on a scale of 1-10 your first 5 points in looks matter way more than you last 5 points in terms of attractiveness. So in essence the attractiveness difference between a 1 and 5 is much greater than the difference between a 5 and a 10. IF you can get to a 5 'hot' you are at least in the game in the game, then the rest (about half IME/O) is personality. I firmly believe that 90%+ of humans can at the very least meet that mark (getting to a 5 'hot') with a bit of diet and exercise and probably surpass it they are willing to put in the work.

wiccileaks · 2016-10-18T17:12:44+00:00

I'd like to think that most people want fulfilling romantic and sexual experiences. I know I definitely do. The difficult part (at least for me) is allowing yourself to be vulnerable and try to give your all in a relationship.

RP theory is fundamentally based on men believing that women are inherently dishonest in order to push their biological agenda (which is simply just not true, both men and women can be equally as dishonest). Because of this, red pill men will never allow themselves to trust and be open themselves up to their partner. Lack of trust means that they will not form any deep connections with anyone because of their innate fear of being hurt. I get it, nobody wants to feel pain. Allowing someone into your life on an intimate level gives them the potential to deeply hurt you if they leave or do you wrong. I have commitment issues because I'm so scared of being hurt by someone I love. But that does not mean that you become a victim and blame every person in that gender.

The problem with RP theory is that, because they've been repeatedly hurt (or are scared of being hurt), they automatically blame WOMEN as a GENDER for all the horrible things they've experienced maybe once or twice. So they're already thinking that any relationship they're going to be in is going to turn out shitty, so why even bother? And thats when you get MGTOW, whom supposedly are done with women and marriage and are "going their own way" but if you look on their subreddit they bash women just as much as red pillers. Before, I used to be really angry with the guys that believed these things. I couldn't understand how someone could believe such nasty, mean vitriol about ~3 billion people on earth (when you look at it that way, red pill seems so myopic but I digress...).

I've come to realize that most of these dudes just want to love and be loved in return. Most people do want deeper connections and love. Its just scary to try and find it because you have to take risks, and taking risks involves getting hurt. But you'll never know love if you don't try.

Mark Manson is a really great writer. I would recommend reading Models by him. It touches on how being vulnerable and honest is actually a great way to attract women. You can also start by reading some of his blog posts, he has really great ones.

bashar_speaks · 2016-10-18T05:40:55+00:00

There are countless books and videos and stuff out there with people exploring different philosophies about life, and how to approach suffering and unfulfilled desires. A good place to start is Buddhism, or Eckart Tolle's books like "The Power of Now".

Hamuel · 2016-10-18T13:12:54+00:00

What do you want to talk about specifically?

blackberrydoughnuts · 2016-10-22T01:45:01+00:00

Which parts have resonated with your own experience?

For instance, it's definitely true that being a friend to a girl, paying for a girl, or seeking a girl's approval won't get you fulfilling sexual or romantic experiences. So don't do those things.

You're young - you still don't really understand relationships. And there's so much bullshit in the media. So many people are judgmental of both male and female sexuality.

[deleted] · 2016-12-19T01:48:49+00:00

What specifically still resonates with you and why do you think that is?

twoweektrial · 2017-01-04T00:19:48+00:00

Honestly? Talk therapy is a wonderful thing. People will be more attracted to you if you've got yourself sorted out. It's also fair to say that women specifically are going to be more in to you if they don't feel threatened and demeaned by you.

Vicious43 · 2016-10-29T04:36:40+00:00

Here's an idea; Get in shape, get better pay, act more confident.

Woman already have a pussy, they don't want another one.

Title	Can someone help me?
Author	norealitythrowaway
Upvotes	10
Comments	15
Date	October 17, 2016 9:54 PM UTC (7 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/ExRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/exredpill/comments/5803ww/can_someone_help_me/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/ExRedPill/can-someone-help-me.300372 https://theredarchive.com/post/300372