I don’t enjoy ONS, FWBs, or Plating and feel LTRs might be hopeless. What’s wrong with me? What can I do?

rocknrollchuck · 2018-11-28T15:02:23+00:00

I find these short term relationships leave me feeling pretty empty and unsatisfied. I even struggle mustering up the motivation to pursue girls for ONS or Plates because deep down I feel like the juice isn’t worth the squeeze. This has been the case regardless of how hot they are.

I even struggle mustering up the motivation to pursue girls for ONS or Plates because deep down I feel like the juice isn’t worth the squeeze. This has been the case regardless of how hot they are.

I do find pleasure in LTRs and longer term plates that I’m investing in a bit more than usual and vetting for LTR basically.

Welcome! Part of the problem is that while casual sex satisfies temporarily, it doesn't satisfy long-term. That's why you find more pleasure in LTR's and long-term plates - it's the relationship aspect. God created us to be together as one man / one woman.

The Pharisees questioned Jesus on this in Matthew 19. The accepted thing at the time was to use the Law of Moses to allow divorce, which in practice meant that if a man got tired of his wife and wanted to trade her in for a younger model, he could do so "legally" under the Law. So that was a somewhat common thing.

3 Some Pharisees came to him to test him. They asked, “Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for any and every reason?”

4 “Haven’t you read,” he replied, “that at the beginning the Creator ‘made them male and female,’ 5 and said, ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh’? 6 So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.”

7 “Why then,” they asked, “did Moses command that a man give his wife a certificate of divorce and send her away?”

8 Jesus replied, “Moses permitted you to divorce your wives because your hearts were hard. But it was not this way from the beginning.

Matthew 19:3-8

So God created us to be with one woman. It's sin that causes us to want to sleep around. God allowed polygamy in Old Testament times, but Jesus made it clear that God's plan was for one man / one woman for life. It's because our hearts are hard, and because of our sin nature, that we try to fulfill God's plan through sinful practices.

Another important thing to note is the moral struggle with premarital sex. I experimented with ONS, FWBs, and Plates before I really considered this.

I'm curious, since this isn't a problem for most people: are you a Christian?

[deleted] · 2018-11-28T18:49:17+00:00

Based upon your additional info, I would say this.

Since you say that you can get 7s, 8s and 9s - again, I don't like this terminology - but it's necessary to work through this issue - I would say to focus less on looks and focus more on things God thinks are important.

Proverbs 31 gives a good example of what an ideal woman would be - virtuous, hard working, a good mother. One person who gave some good advice on women once said, find a woman you like talking to, one that you respect and would be a good mother. You want a life-partner / helper, moreso that you want a girl who is an 8 or 9. This is to say, if one maximizes looks (say, you pursue a 10), even if you get the 10, she will probably divorce you and leave you unhappy. Elon Musk got dumped by Amber Heard (so did Johnny Depp) - Johnny Depp also divorced his first wife like Mel Gibson, found younger attractive gold diggers and they both got served.

My point is, if we seek women like the world does then we will get what the world wants.

Does this mean you should marry a woman you have no attraction to and most would consider, unattractive? No. What I am saying, stop maximizing looks and start thinking more about all the other things that make a woman valubale in your life (and you should be valuable in her life equally).

STOP with the causal relationships because they are pointless. I am not an expert perse and I'm sure there is some value to spinning plates, learning game, etc. But there is so much more value in having a mission, pursuing something you enjoy / are good at / rewarding to you / serving your community / being in great physical condition, etc. Become a great man - not to get a woman but instead to reach your potential. There are some powerful ideas in the MGTOW philosophy up until they obsessively focus on pleasing themselves. Your goal should really be to focus on your mission and not on women. By enhancing all the areas of your life (in a Jesus-way, not in a worldly way) - then you will become a better and more attractive mate. I do believe you should somewhat giveup making women your primary goal and focus on your mission.

Then, you will find some women attracted to you while you are on your path. Look, it's much better to get one of these women attracted to you on your path, who has characteristics that are well beyond just physical attraction. This woman may not be as "hot" as your previous companions but she may be a perfect helper for you and still attractive. Then you can have a good relationship with this woman instead of pursuing meaningless pleasure which ends in a dead road.

Don't misunderstand, I'm not saying to not have any intentionality - go to your church and get involved there, get involved in serving people somewhere, get out socially and do things you enjoy or that are invovling people - women will be around. This is a much more natural way to find a mate. Fish where the fish are. If you want a generous woman with a good heart, find places where people volunteer - go volunteer for a year in something (just one example).

The problem you are finding with Red Pill forums is that they have figured out female biology and hypergamy, but they haven't figured out that there is right and wrong and morality. The Chrisitians and Jesus followers understand that Jesus taught us everything we need to know about truth, righteousness, and how to conduct ourselves. Ask yourself who you would like your model to be - Jesus or "chad" or whatever the Red Pill forum calls their alpha dog. Jesus was the ultimate alpha, but he has little of the characteristics that Red Pill (secular) forum thinks are alpha. Let Jesus be your guide.

Look, Jesus said by your fruits, you will know them. Look at Jesus life and his fruits. Look at people like Roosh - he was a poster boy for the Red Pill, 100s of women in his notch count, traveling to different countries to get all kinds of women. He's alone, jaded, offensive, unlikeable to many. Ask yourself who you want to be your model.

macmeeler · 2018-11-28T14:51:53+00:00

I would be happy to offer my perspective which may be helpful, but you need to answer a few questions first

if you see the sidebar, usually people who ask for advice should list a few things like stats, reading, finances, spiritual info - doesn't need to be an essay but let's say you're a 70 year old millionaire, that's different advice than I would give a 18 yo guy who lives at his parents house... we need to have more information first
next, what type of girls are you pursuing? I don't really like the 1-10 scale but if you had to guess what the range was that you are seeing and the ages, and basic types of girls you are pursuing? And where are you meeting them typically?

Without those 2 pieces of info, I don't think I could give any helpful advice.

redwall92 · 2018-11-28T14:55:16+00:00

Your actions are determined by your beliefs.

You note your struggle with premarital sex. Why do you struggle with premarital sex? There's a belief there that you should wrestle with and come to terms with on your own. We can't do that for you.

You find pleasure in LTRs, but you see inherent problems due to the lack of abundance and all the other usual problems with LTRs. If your view of life says that having an LTR means lack of abundance, then I would say you've got something to wrestle with there as well. What belief do you have that says lack of abundance is required in marriage?

Seems like you need to make up your mind about some major beliefs in order to decide how to live your life. You are asking a Christian RP sub to answer this question for you. And you're asking the askTRP sub to answer the same question for you.

This is a you do you situation (as is basically all of life in the RP world). What do you belief? That will determine how you act.

If you change your beliefs, then your actions will follow.

OsmiumZulu · 2018-11-29T08:53:16+00:00

Hey man. Welcome to the sub. Hope you find some helpful answers here.

I struggle to find enjoyment in Plates and ONS both socially and sexually.

The big lie of hook up culture is: "Married sex is boring, hooking up with new people is where the real thrills are."

Bullshit.

From experience, both my own and others I know well, married sex is where it's at. Sure, a lot of married guys have terrible sex lives, but that has far more to do with the fact that they are drunk beta captains running their lives into the ground than the fact that they are married. Done correctly, married sex blows ONS and plates out of the water without reservation.

The thing is, high quality sex takes time to develop between people, and ONS / plates don't offer the consistent opportunity to develop the sexual know-how with each other's bodies to have excellent sex. Us men are pretty straightforward, but women are such a bizarre mix of a mental and physical puzzle to figure out that it just straight up takes a long time to sort it all out. I don't doubt that I could find a ONS and have decent sex, but I know that while it would have a certain thrill to it, it wouldn't even be comparable to the ecstasy that my wife and I enjoy. It's taken us several years to figure it out, but it is well worth it.

You don't hear this very often. Most guys complain about their sex life. Well, most guys are losers and terrible at just about everything (finances, their job, basic social skills, etc) so it shouldn't be a surprise. Just because someone doesn't know how to fly a fighter jet doesn't mean the fighter jet isn't awesome.

So, you're on the right track. ONS and plates don't satisfy you because they can't. It's not possible. Even upgrading to LTR isn't going to provide enough of a foundation of trust for her to get out of her head during sex and let herself loose; she will always be trying to put on a performance (and not in a good way) if there isn't some sort of substantial commitment involved.

None of this changes the fact that marriage is risky business in today's world, but it isn't without reward.

jtedd92 · 2018-11-28T14:45:46+00:00

Great question! I’m a lurker and am eagerly awaiting this response. I have the same question, just haven’t gotten around to asking it.

RedPlanetMan · 2018-11-28T21:20:29+00:00

Your Spirit knows the way and your mind (perspective) is not giving you the insight into how the possibilities for better relationships are possible?

Ask yourself, like has been mentioned already, what sort of girl you think you want now? Sounds to me like the girls around you are not the type you think you can build a relationship with?

If its the case, I would say don't focus on creating a LTR and instead focus on developing passive friendship with the women around you, whether attractive to you or not, do this so that you can better understand female nature. Read this article, it was very helpful giving me a much needed sense of direction a while back when going through something similar.

Good luck.

[deleted] · 2018-11-28T15:34:27+00:00

How's your walk with God?

Title	I don’t enjoy ONS, FWBs, or Plating and feel LTRs might be hopeless. What’s wrong with me? What can I do?
Author	SixtySecondJeep
Upvotes	4
Comments	14
Date	November 28, 2018 2:25 PM UTC (7 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RPChristians
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RPChristians/comments/a16n5x/i_dont_enjoy_ons_fwbs_or_plating_and_feel_ltrs/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RPChristians/i-dont-enjoy-ons-fwbs-or-plating-and-feel-ltrs.301593 https://theredarchive.com/post/301593

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