Hello. If any of you migrated over from MRP, you may remember a poster named "prarrott". That's me. For those not familiar with my story, I'll lay it out briefly here.

Grew up Catholic, but became a Christian in college. Deeply blue pill from as long as I can remember, even middle school. Never had much success with women. Heavily involved in college campus ministry, and even went to work for it after college. Got married first year out of college for a myriad of factors, but one was that I was a horny virgin and I thought once I got married I would live happily ever after.

Three months in was the first time my wife told me she wanted a divorce and left. She never actually made it out of the driveway, but it was indicative of what was happening. I've been married 10 years now, this past December. Lets just say things never really got off the ground. We stayed together at first because we were Christians, and God hates divorce (we did not really have a good reason). We had a dead bedroom. Over those 9 years, we had 3 children. They were concieved somehow in the less than 10x per year we had sex.

We came close to divorce many times, but could never pull the trigger. In the 9th year, just after the birth of my 3rd child, the door seemed to really close on divorce, and I began to despair. I was going to be stuck in this for the rest of my life. I felt like I had tried everything to enliven my marriage (multiple counselors, pastor involvement, The Love Dare, etc), but deep down I blamed her. She was the problem.

Cue me stumbling into the red pill. I soaked it all up like a sponge. It made so much sense as to why I failed with women, and even what was wrong in my marriage. I moved over to MRP, and found Jocko Podcast. I began to accept my failed marriage was primarily my responsibility and I could do something about. I could do something about myself.

I started to make the changes across the board, but I struggled with what many of you here likely have: How does this knowledge and these methods fit into my Christian worldview? I told a few of the Christian men around me about it, but largely kept it to myself. I knew noone would understand.

As I made the changes, my wife struggled to respond. Nearly 10 years is a long time, and a lot of pain to forget. Other women began to respond. As I mentioned, I never had much success with women. Not because I wasn't physically attractive, but because I was so weak and deeply blue pill. This new interest from women became like a drug. It had been so long since I felt desired. I wanted to become a better man and follow Christ, but I also wanted to have more women want me. I started to focus on game.

The first time I kissed a women other than my wife was about 5 months in. She knew I was married but wanted me so bad. She sent me facebook message about the sexual things she wanted to do with me. I had never experienced this, and had previously resigned myself to a life of porn and sexual misery. I cut things off with her quickly, the kiss was an accident I told myself, and I let the guilt subside. But I couldn't deny the way it made me feel. Soon after, I was back pursuing it.

Over the next 8 months, I kissed 7 other women. All "one night stands" as it were. Most didnt know my last name. I was pursuing the PUA lifestyle without the sex. I reconnected with the first girl and had oral sex with her. I had oral sex with another ONS. Red pill works, I had changed completely into a Don Juan. I was confident and strong. I did not deny my faith, I continued to go to church, but I had set aside God in my mind.

Then, my wife found out.

I never had a plan in doing all this. I was just riding the wave of sin. I wanted my wife to come around, but she never did. I still couldn't bring myself to divorce, now because of my kids.

After she found out we separated for a few days. I assumed it was over. Then, she said she wanted to try and stay together. I had repented and confessed to the session of my church. I gave up the lifestyle and pursuit of other women. I told my wife we could try again, but I had serious doubts it would amount to anything.

I gave up pornography and masturbation. I turned back to God. I believed in the power of the red pill ideas and methods, but God was more important.

That was about 8 months ago. I'm still married now and my marriage has never been better. We have sex 4-5x per week. We are connecting emotionally. Its a miracle. Its not been without tremendous pain. We both have accepted that our marriage wouldnt be where it is if we didn't go through what we did. And we both wrestle with God about that. God used evil for good.

I know that my RP transformation is greatly impacting the success of my marriage now, but I still struggle with how to reconcile that with my Christian worldview. I took an 8 month break from MRP, but that is why I am here now - to work out that reconciliation.

And here's my value contribution --- one thing I was taught on MRP was to never apologize, because its weak. That has proven to be poor advice. Ownership, and even apologies, have become a regular part of my interaction with my wife, and it has contributed significantly to our sex life. I apologize not from a "oh please forgive me so things can be OK again" place, but from a place of true ownership and strength. When I don't apologize, my wife tends to close up and sexual connection diminishes.